Kiddy rides

You know what’s the biggest rip off for parents these days? It’s those darn kiddy rides you find in shopping malls. I’ve got to hand it to the folks who came up with the idea, because it is the single most ingenious idea in human history (to slowly siphon off your retirement funds). It’s like a drug that hypnotizes all kids and turns them into raging kiddy-ride maniacs who MUST ABSOLUTELY sit on a useless machine that goes nowhere for 60 seconds.

As far as I’m concerned, the whole idea is retarded. First of all, the rides look mutated and ugly as hell. Just last week, I was at the mall and there’s this ride that’s supposed to resemble Barney the Purple Dinosaur, but it looked more like a T-rex that got caught in a nuclear explosion. The trademark cheery grin was replaced by a grimace that pretty much says “It’s dinner time”.

I mean, if I was creating a useless ride, I’d put a little bit more effort into replicating actual characters. But then that’s the ingenuity. The draw is not in the characters, but the ride, so who cares about resemblance?

And technically, it can’t be called a ride, since it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s more like a stationary piece of plastic that plays gaudy music and moves on the spot for a minute or so. To top it all off, every ride can cost anything from $2 to $5 (for the really big ones). Now, I’m all for splurging on the kids, but I can’t help feeling like I’m suckered every time I have to shell out 20 bucks for a 15 minutes on the kiddy rides. I’d much rather bring him to the theme park or the zoo instead.

I thought I’ve been doing a decent job at keeping Tru away from the kiddy rides, but as every parent will eventually realize, there’s no avoiding them. Every mall I go to, there’s always one at waiting to ambush me. So the other day, we thought since Tru hadn’t been exposed to the wonders of a kiddy ride before, there’s no harm letting him have his first ride. BIG. MISTAKE.

2 rides in, he refused to get off the accursed machine. He was grabbing on to the steering wheel and we had to pry his tiny fingers off the thing and he started throwing a hissy fit. To his credit, the tantrum stopped after 20 seconds, but it was a sneak preview of what is to come.

I’m going to draw up a map of all the shopping malls in Singapore with the kiddy rides all marked with an X, so I know what to avoid the next time I go shopping. That would make my life so much easier.