4 months: Mr Personality

This little charmer is turning four months! I feel like it’s taken us forever to get here and I’m starting to enjoy the process as we inch our way to that place where everything stops being so incredibly hard. I’d never describe having a baby as easy but from experience, after several months with a newborn, you’ll wake up one day and discover that you’re finally there.

In a sort of baby utopia.

You’re able to go back to functioning (and looking) like a normal human person. Whether it’s conditioning or you end up getting real pockets of sleep, you stop feeling exhausted to the bone every moment of every day. You slowly develop an understanding with the baby: you know why he’s losing it and how to hold him at that exact spot on your chest to calm him down. That helpless desperation you get while holding a hysterical baby is replaced by a strange calmness, like you know it’s going to be ok. For the first time in a long time, you feel like you’ve got a grip on things again.

Finding that place is different with each kid. With Finn, we blitzed there in a little less than 3 months. Theo and I, we’re taking a little bit more time navigating our way there. We’re presently still drifting around in the ocean of baby fatigue but LAND HO! At least there’s land in sight and we’ll find our way there somehow.

I’m still up 4-5 times a night to feed/carry/soothe him and I was pacing the room with the baby in my arms at 2.15 last night when I realised that instead of feeling like “what am I doing wrong and why is this not working??”, I was actually getting good at this. I knew he’d strain and struggle to force that burp out and struggle some more to pass out some gas and I’d just have to hold him and whisper to him till he felt comfy enough to fall asleep again.

In developmental terms, it’s been a terrific month. A month to an infant is like a decade in adult years – they pack so much growing in just 30 days.

From being a stoner newborn, he’s suddenly plugged in, like he’s come online and aware of everything around him. It’s so much fun watching him trying to make sense of the world. Like “who is that ridiculously handsome baby looking at me in the mirror? I must get to know him” and “look! 3 other tiny humans like me, FUN!” and “oh, there’s my awesome momma, she’s the best!” Haha.

He’s starting to recognise faces and it’s nice to be one of those faces he recognises. He’ll be observing each face until he spots mine and I get to see this goofball grin happen.

Little guy has discovered how lovely fingers are. He loves batting toys on his play mat with them and he loves holding my pinky with them but most of all, he loves some good old fashioned finger eating om nom nom.

He’s the talkiest of all the kids, which is saying a lot (ha!) seeing that I have 3 very talky kids. For an infant, he talks a lot, and loudly too. Some might call it shouting but it’s good, he’s learning early that he’s got to find a way to make himself heard in this crazy, noisy house.

Sometimes I think I should feel sad that I won’t be experiencing all this wonderful newborn excitement again but not really. I’ve done it four times and I’m good. I’m more than good, I’m positively thrilled that this chapter is over and I get to enjoy the other parts of having a baby from here on out.