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motherhood

10 things I love about you

August 13, 2009

To my princess,

A month ago, I was screaming my head off in the delivery ward being all unglamorous and trying to push an entire human being out of my body. In the moments of respite between contractions, I would close my eyes and imagine how life would be like with you in my arms, to hold you and smell you and get to know you. Right now, those moments seem like a lifetime ago and I can’t imagine life without you in the picture.

It’s been an entire month of unspeakable insanity but in the midst of the sleep deprivation, postpartum depression and accursed hormone fluctuations, I’ve had the most wonderful time just looking at you and loving you.

On this first month milestone, here’s Mommy’s list of the top 10 things I absolutely LOVE about you.

1. The way your tiny little mouth breaks into a giant smile after you finish your milk. I had no idea your mouth was capable of opening that wide to accommodate that grin. And who cares if it’s gas, it’s nice to be smiled at anyway.

2. Your lovely baby smell right after a shower (even though it doesn’t last long – but that’s fine, I dont take that well to heat myself).

3. For not blinding and killing me with your poop. Have I said that I was eternally grateful? Yes, I am.

4. How you let me hold you for as long as I want without squirming or trying to break free. I’ve never had that with your brother.

5. The way you settle so comfortably on my chest. It’s the only way to calm you down on those particularly fussy nights.

6. Your chubby cheeks that’s always threatening to eat up your entire face. Also, sorry I bit your cheeks so many times. I can’t help it. I’m taking medication for that.

7. The way your itsy bitsy fingers grab on to my shirt/bra/hair/skin so tightly just as I’m attempting to put you in your cot. “No, mommy, nooooooo”

8. How you pout your quivering lips right before you break into the scream of your life like a prelude of what’s to come. That totally cracks me up.

9. Your ability to sit in the baby chair for extended stretches without fussing while your brother takes his turn at tormenting me.

10. The look of adoration you reserve for your daddy and me. That, to me, is worth all the madness in the world.

You, baby girl, are the beating of my heart.

With all the love in the world,

Mommy

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motherhood

And so it begins

July 15, 2009
Motherhood seems deceptively easy

Motherhood seems deceptively easy

Postpartum is a real pain. I’ve been waiting to give birth for months and now that its over, I’m totally floored by it.

It’s been an insane couple of days. I’m still recovering from the trauma of childbirth and struggling with the breastfeeding (my boobs are still broken – 3 days and absolutely no milk) and I’m exhausted beyond description. Plus I can feel an all-too-familiar sensation of the baby blues creeping up on me. It’s deja vu all over again.

The weird thing is, I was actually expecting it in my head. I spent many sleepless nights preparing myself for it, but it’s different actually experiencing it. When it hits, I still feel overwhelmed.

And what are the odds that on the day I get discharged from the hospital, Superdad comes down with a 39.6 degree fever. With the dreaded H1N1 virus going around, he’s now quarantined at home like a leper, so me and the 2 kids are now banished from home. Good thing we’ve got a back up plan, and we’re taking refuge at my mom’s place for a few days until its safe to go back. Unless of course it is a case of H1N1, then we’ll have to send in the professionals to do a clean sweep of the house.

Right now, I’m just waiting for the madness to settle. I hope I’ll find my groove soon.

This is the point I tell myself “2 IS ENOUGH!“

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pregnancy

24 Season 2: A very long engagement

July 14, 2009

After a 27 hour ordeal, it’s all finally over. And via natural birth too! I’ll describe the experience at length later, but here’s how it went.

12 July 2009, Sunday

10.00 – Admitted to the hospital for Induction, hooked up to the CTG machine to monitor the contractions and baby’s heartbeat.

12.00 – Prostin Inserted. Not fun at all.

14.00 – Irregular contractions. Brought up to the ward to rest. I was all like “if this is how contractions feel like, I don’t think I even need epidural. No sweat at all.” And then I spent the afternoon watching movies on my laptop.

18.00 – Hooked up to the CTG again. Contractions 7-8 minutes apart, but still irregular.

22.00 – Supposed to go for second round of Prosstin to increase contractions, but managed to escape since contractions are up to once in 3 minutes. Wheeled in to delivery suite.

22.30 – Abused by psycho nurse who came in to check my cervix (only 1 cm). I was absolutely livid with rage.

23.00 – Had to eat my words – in loads of pain. Injected with Pethidine (in my thigh) for pain relief.

13 July 2009, Monday

01.00 – Epidural inserted. HURTS LIKE HELL. Epidural sucks.

03.00 – Oxytocin injected to induce contractions again. Contractions still fluctuating between once every 5-8 minutes. By this time, I was kinda drifting in and out of sleep. Cervix still at 1 cm.

09.00 – Gynae dropped by for a consult. Cervix at 3 cm. He says it’s gonna be a long labor, as if it’s not been long enough. If there’s no sign of progress in 8 hours, I’ll have to go for another c-section.

12.00 – Somehow the epidural only got channeled to the right side, and my entire left side was in excruciating pain. Contractions coming hard and fast and I was all worked up screaming for pain relief. I seriously thought I was about to die. Literally.

12.15 – Hot, young anesthetist came with more epidural. Pity I didn’t notice because I was having a near-death experience. The husband says he’s hot, and that I wasn’t dying. But he obviously doesn’t know anything cos he wasn’t pushing a baby out of his bits.

12.30 – Cervix at 9 cm. All I could think about was that something feels like it’s dropping out and I need to take a massive crap.

13.30 – After a lot of pushing and shoving (and an episiotomy), Kirsten finally came out with a plop.

It was totally surreal. And kinda awesome.

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