pregnancy

Fat Girl Slim

April 21, 2009

Over dinner with some former colleagues (all ridiculously thin) who came to visit last week, I was made painfully aware of the fact that I’m no longer in the league of svelte, sultry young things anymore. The operative words being no longer, because I sometimes still reminisce the days when I was a size 6.

We live in a world where thin people have it easy. Designers create couture with a size 4 in mind, and it just doesn’t look the same when transposed onto a XXXL. You comb through the racks to find a nice top, but once you put it on, it will look decent at best.

Think about it. The seats in public transportation are meant to comfortably fit a thin person. Ever tried sitting next to an obese dude on the subway? You get really acquainted with the extra folds of his bottom as it presses up against yours. Even elevators are biased against corpulent individuals. The sign may say it fits 10 persons but if you look at the maximum weight allowed, it’s 500 kg. Do the math.

I never used to think twice about eating a chocolate fudge brownie with extra vanilla ice-cream, and still manage to pull off wearing a bikini right after. To be sure, I was never skinny, but at least I had some semblance of abdominal muscles and there was ample space between my thighs when I walked (it’s called the thigh test – as long as it doesn’t give you abrasions, you’re fine).

But with 2 consecutive pregnancies, I have since bade a tearful farewell to the thin(ner) version of me. So the colleagues (there’s a reason why they are FORMER colleagues) were having a very stimulating conversation on a new and highly effective slimming product and they managed to come to the conclusion that even that would not work for a case a severe as mine. Thanks, Bhav, good going.

But I’ll postulate that Slimspa can kiss my size 12 bottom because BIG IS BEAUTIFUL. It certainly took a while to get used to lugging an extra 30 kg around and I still get breathless after some brisk walking. But look on the bright side, it’ll give me a chance to form a special bond with my neighbors on the train.

The way I see it, I won’t be a fat chick forever and I’ll get back my figure soon enough. The abs may take a while to make a comeback, but I’m aiming to fit into my old jeans by Christmas. From now till then, I can either feel miserable or take a deep breath, suck in the stomach and enjoy the benefits of being big.

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milestones & musings

I’m a big boy now

April 20, 2009

It was a momentous weekend for my baby boy, who’s made the transition to becoming a big boy. I feel like one of those cheesy parents who make cliched comments like “Aw, my baby boy’s all grown up”. But cheesiness comes with the territory of parenthood because these cliches first start out as truisms until 2 billion parents start saying the same thing.

When you’re watching your kid everyday, it’s hard to notice that they’re getting bigger, taller and smarter. And bit by bit, they start learning to assert their own independence. But it happens so gradually that it takes moments where you look back and wonder how they managed to grow up so fast.

Tru is officially a big kid now. Over the weekend, we just got him a toddler car seat (the forward facing type instead of the infant ones) and shifted him to his new nursery so he’s all grown up and independent. The husband had to clean out the guest room and do it up all nice and cosy with colorful mats and a whole bunch of toys. I was prepared for some separation anxiety and resistance on his part, but he seems to be loving his new digs.

Mama, on the other hand is struggling to cope with the new sleeping arrangement, so much so that I’ve been sleeping with the baby monitor attached to my ear. I was really dreading the shift but it was a matter of time before we had to make way for for the new baby in July. We figured it would be too traumatic for him to have to cope with the shift and a new baby sister all at the same time, in case he felt like he was kicked out of the room.

But now that I’ve adjusted to having back our room (although it will be short-lived), it totally rocks.

1. No more bathing in the common toilet.

2. No more brushing my teeth in pitch darkness.

3. No more whispering in the bedroom.

4. No more tiptoeing around.

5. Bring back the sexytime!

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milestones & musings, seriously somewhat serious

Sometimes…you fly

April 17, 2009

There’s a strip in Neil Gaiman’s Fables and Reflections which has stayed with me for the longest time. In a dream, I’m standing at the edge of a precipice and there’s no way down but to jump. But I’m terrified of heights and I’m pretty sure I’ll plunge to my death.

Morpheus: If you do not climb you will not fall. This is true. But is it that bad to fail, that hard to fall? Sometimes you wake, and sometimes, yes, you die. But there is a third alternative.

Sometimes you wake up.

Sometimes the fall kills you.

And sometimes, when you fall, you fly.

Motherhood is like that. In most ways, I’m resistant to change. I like what’s familiar and safe. My life was good before, when everything was planned out and neat and I’ve got it all figured out in my head. The job, the vacations, the parties, the glamour.

Then the kids arrive, and everything changes. I suppose it’s possible to make the kid fit into your life and keep the inconveniences to a minimum. Some folks get a nanny or babysitter to take care of all the baby’s needs while they galavant all night. Which is not a bad thing, since you get the best of both worlds.

But my mantra for motherhood (for life, as a matter of fact) is somewhat different. In the words of Robert Frost,

Two roads diverged in a wood
And I took the one less traveled by
And that has made all the difference

After 10 months of countless sleepless nights, missed parties, forgone vacations, I can still safely say that it’s been the best time of my life. I’ve never been happier. Sure, there’s been bad days when I wish life was a little less tough. On retrospect, I did take a peek and wander down the path taken by many, but I’m glad I turned back and chose the other one instead.

Nothing could trump the fact that I’m the first person Tru sees when he wakes up, and the last person to kiss him goodnight before he goes to bed. That I’m there hold him when he’s got a bad day and kiss the boo-boos away. To witness all the first milestones and have him grow up knowing that Mommy’s going to be there no matter what.

So yeah, sometimes you fall. But sometimes you take off on the most awesome journey of your life.

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