Mother, Inc

When life gives you lemons…

June 15, 2009

hand-in-hand

I’m convinced that parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and I’m not saying this just so I can gain sympathy points for how awesome I am. In fact, I think I’ve got it pretty easy. All things considered, Tru is one of the easiest babies in the world to take care of, so I really don’t have anything to whine about. But I’ve got mad respect for parents who make it despite having life treat them unfairly.

We brought Tru to Ikea for a walk last night to add some finishing touches to the nursery before Kirsten’s arrival. While we were making the rounds checking out baby stuff, I happened to see a little girl who literally made me stop in my tracks and I almost teared standing there in the middle of Ikea. She was about 3 years old, with pigtails and the sweetest smile a girl could have. One hand was holding a stuffed toy and the other was firmly tucked in her daddy’s arm. Then I noticed that that arm ended slightly above the wrist, and she had no fingers on that hand.

It didn’t stop her from smiling and skipping around. If you didn’t pay attention, you probably wouldn’t even notice the arm. Just standing there looking at her, I felt like holding her in my arms and crying. I looked at Tru and it seemed so terribly unfair. Kids don’t deserve to be born handicapped and parents don’t deserve to have their hearts broken every day of their lives at the injustice of it all.

Honestly, I don’t know if I have the capacity to handle it if one of my kids were born with some form of imperfection. It’s the parent’s job to shower them with extra love and care to make up for it, but I’m not sure if I have that much love to give in the first place. I’d probably cry everyday.

I look at parents who’s kid has Down’s or a hole in their heart or paraplegic and they seem to have a special capacity to love more than the average person. With the medical advancements available to us, doctors can detect signs of abnormality within the first trimester and it’s so much easier to opt for the easy way out, to terminate the pregnancy and try again. But some parents choose to take the road less travelled, to have the child and love him despite of how tough it’s going to be.

For some, it’s a lifetime of heartache, sacrifice and worry. Weird stares, whispers, taunts and tough questions become a daily staple. And yet they find it within them to smile and keep on going.

If you’re a mother who has such an experience or know of someone like that, I’d love to hear your story and read about your journey. You can post your comments here with your web address here if you have one or just email me at my Contact Me page.

by Daphne

Labour Pain Relief Measures

June 12, 2009

Yesterday was one of my final few visits to the gynae. Kirsten is doing well. She says hi, but I shan’t bore you with more ultrasound pics that look exactly the same as the last one. Anyway, it was time to discuss my birthing plan and decide on pain management options during the labor.

When Tru was born, I didn’t have to go through the whole labor process. I was at the gynae’s office for a routine check in the morning and decided on that day to have the c-section at 5 in the evening. No bursting of water bag, no contractions, none of that drama that makes the whole process so exciting. The only thing even mildly interesting was the fact that I snuck out for a final decent meal despite being told that I wasn’t supposed to eat before the surgery. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having real food for the next month without any mental preparation.

The experience was rather sterile actually. I was given an epidural to numb the nerves from waist down (which HURT LIKE CRAZY) and after that, I pretty much just stared at the lights above the operating table while the OBGYN did his thing.

This time, I’m determined to go experience what it’s like to push a child out from my va-jay-jay and do the whole crazy woman scream with sweat pouring down my face thing. It’ll be so much more fun.

So the birthing plan goes like this. When the water bag bursts and I start contracting, I’m going to take a shower, wash my hair, grab some ice-cream, drop Tru at my mom’s place and then fly down to the hospital. The moment I get in, I’m start hollering for an epidural (when else can I get away with screaming at people just for the fun of it?) and demand for ice chips, magazines and my Nintendo DS. With the epi, it’s practically a walk in the park after that. I only hope I don’t poop on the table.

Props to the gynae for keeping a straight face when he heard my plan. And double props for actually agreeing to go along. He says it’s my delivery, I should get to do it my way, as long as I don’t insist on giving birth at home.

He did however, ask me to consider the various pain management options before I decide. So I’m considering.

and the greatest of these..is silent birth

1. Deep breathing.

Seriously. Deep breathing. The only way breathing is going to take away any pain is if I take a deep breath and hold it in forever. Then I might pass out and die and feel no pain. Other than that, deep breathing is rubbish. I did hear some new age, mind-over-matter techniques that can reduce pain. You’re supposed to take deep breaths, close your eyes and imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Yeah, right.

2. Laughing gas.

its funny, i'm in so much pain but i don't seem to care?

There’s nothing funny about it though. The effect is like smoking weed – it makes you high and you can then actually imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Or a butterfly. Or the mouth of a giant T-rex eating up half of Singapore. The thing is, some say it doesn’t actually block the pain, it just makes your brain a little fuzzy in the hope that the pain signals get all mixed up and gets sent to your big toe instead of your cerebral cortex. Except that when it doesn’t work, you end up being high and in a lot of pain. Not a good combination.

3. Epidural

the epidural needle, actual size

This is the only method that is guaranteed to take away the pain. But to administer the epidural hurts big time. They have to inject a tube into the spine in order to pump in the meds, so at the end of the day, it’s a matter of using pain to counteract the pain. But once it kicks in, you can practically chill out, have a cuppa and read a book while your cervix will take its time to open up like a flower without having to imagine it into existence.

I’ve got a fourth method which I’ve worked out with the husband. After I get to the hospital, he’s supposed to knock me out with a small dose of chloroform and pretend that I’m asleep while the doctor administers the epi. Once it’s all good, I’ll wake up and deliver Kirsten without any pain at all. We’re still in the process of determining the right amount of chloroform to use. The last trial run, I was out for 2 days, so we’ll probably have to dilute it a bit more.

Just make sure you don’t try this at home.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, techmama

Mama needs my iPhone

June 11, 2009

So have you heard? The latest iPhone 3G(S) is out in Singapore. Well, almost out, and I’m practically drooling. I love Steve Jobs so much I’d give him a nice juicy peck on the cheek if I ever meet the guy. Don’t worry, the husband will give him a giant slobbery kiss on the other side just to even things out a bit. It’s hailed as the fastest, most powerful iPhone ever, and I’m SOLD. It’s a world of ingenuity packed into a tiny little shiny package. Come to mama!

Now, you might be wondering, what does a stay home mom need an iPhone for anyway? The only people that ever call me can be counted with 3 fingers. But that’s where you’re wrong. Stay home moms need the iPhone way more than say, CEOs and fancypants executives in their Armani suits.

1. Video Recording

Nobody takes more pictures than mothers. Every moment is a milestone and I need to be able to whip out my video camera in an instant the moment Tru takes his first step or his first pee in the potty. Without an iPhone, I’d be scrambling for a large-ass video cam and by the time it’s ready, the moment would be gone. But now, all I need to do is point and click. Voila. I can even zoom in for a close-up of his pee-pee/ba-dang-dangs/ding-dongs (you know what I’m referring to) to complete my collection of embarrassing nude shots of Tru.

2. Awesome 3 megapixel camera.

Never mind that some phones from inferior brands come with a 10 megapixel camera with auto-face detection and optical zoom. The new iPhone 3G(S) has an entire megapixel up from the previous version (it’s a 50% improvement!). Hah, take that, suckers. I’m so glad I didn’t get the previous version. Now I can have crystal clear images while you outdated folks have fuzzy images that looks like part of the footage of Blair Witch Project.

3. GPS System

If I got a dollar for every time I got lost and had to pull over at the side of the road to struggle with the road directory, all the while having to contend with a restless kid, I’d be a millionaire by now. Well actually, I’d have $22, 852, but that’s practically like a million in imaginary terms. I’m cool getting lost when I’m out alone, but with 2 kids strapped behind, I need to get from point to point in the shortest time possible. So it’s down to having to drive at 200 km/h or get a trusty GPS. Yeah, I thought so.

4. Twitter on the go

With Tru like some sort of a mini celebrity, I’ve got to Twitter updates (see how hip i am to be using Twitter as a verb) of his daily goings-on to die-hard fans. With my lousy no-good O2 atom, every time I have to send out an sms, it’s such a pain I end up ignoring most of my messages and having folks think I’m totally unfriendly. Which I’m not. Wait till I get my hands on the iPhone, I’ll out-twitter Ashton Kutcher.

5. Voice Control

I need voice control way more than the average person. With Tru strapped to my back and Kirsten to my front, as well as a huge diaper bag, a blanket and a soft toy, I will not have enough hands to patiently poke numbers into my mobile phone. The only thing left is my mouth, and unless I can somehow master the art of poking in numbers with my tongue, voice activation sure comes in handy.

I have been fantasizing about the new iPhone ever since it got announced. Next to it, all other phones pale in comparison. In fact, it was so repulsive to me that I actually chucked the husband’s phone down the rubbish chute and he had to dig it out from the dump which was infested with creepy crawlies but to no avail and he almost got blinded by a killer roach. True story.

Just to make up for it, I might sacrifice my iPhone to atone for my mistake. Or maybe not.

by Daphne

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