Funny or So I think, i embarrass myself sometimes

I bet lizards are reading this as we speak.

October 22, 2010

So after I went on and on about how much I hated lizards, it’s like they’ve all read the blog and decided to declare war on me.

Me: I mean it, they’re coming after me.

Kel: Don’t be ridiculous, everyone know that lizards don’t read blogs.

Me: Oh yeah, well obviously they read mine because how do you explain this?

Ok, let’s back up a little. Right after I called them malevolent vile creatures, they decided to launch an attack during my most vulnerable moment. In the shower.

Iceholes. And I don’t mean ice at all.

I was taking my relaxing shower last night when I reached out for the body wash and there it was. The monstrosity. Hiding behind my shower foam having a little siesta. It got rudely awakened when I moved the shower foam and jumped onto my hand so I flung it off with the most vicious, spastic hand jerk and started SCUH-REAMING the house down. But then I was stuck in the shower area with the abomination standing between me and the door. I could either leap over it and risk getting attacked or I could stand there and wait for it to make the first move. And if there’s anything I learnt from Sun Tzu, always be the one to strike first.

So I yanked open the door, jumped over as fast as I could and RAN out of the toilet (still screaming, by the way). And of course, I slipped, crashed into the sliding door and fell flat on my ass and the husband who was lying on the bed calmly playing his Championship Manager, started laughing like it was some sort of huge joke. I can see how the sight of a naked person screaming and crashing onto the floor might seem hilarious but multiple bruises on my hands, legs and ass ain’t no joke, aight?

You would think the story ended when I made him catch it and disposed of it. Except that it didn’t. He came out with a piece of tissue saying that he got it so I figured it was safe to go finish my no longer relaxing shower. This time, I was all lathered up when I saw it again. On the wall right next to my toe. So began the second round of screaming and running (I didn’t fall this time) out of the toilet.

The husband says he might have missed it when he thought he got it the first round but I’m pretty sure that those slimy little pieces of filth are trying to attack me. You know how when you have the boss fight, you always send 2 guys in to do the job. This is *exactly* like that.

Lizards: 2. Me: 0

And then this afternoon, I was clearing the trash from the kitchen bin when I found another lizard hiding at the bottom, underneath the plastic bag, so it fell back to the bottom as I grabbed the plastic bag out. This time, I didn’t have the husband around to exterminate it and it was fortunate that it was trapped in the bin. For my finishing move, I poured a whole jug of boiling water into the bin so it’s probably dead now. I didn’t check, I’m going to let the husband clear that when he comes home later.

Lizards: 2. Me: 1

But you know what this means. It means WAR. I could have tolerated them as long as they stayed hidden in their dark corners away from the personal space that is my bathroom. I’m going out to get a dozen lizard traps tonight. Just wait, little suckers, I’m coming for you.

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kids in motion, picture perfect

Stuck in a moment you can’t get out of

October 21, 2010

One of the gems of motherhood is getting to witness moments like these. The sort of death of indignity that can only be inflicted when you get stuck in a tiny little crevice.

That turns into mild alarm.

Which builds into full scale panic like HELPPPP SOMEBODY GET ME OUT OF HERE! MOMMMM!!!!!

But you know the best cure for that is just a bit of this.

Throw in another for good measure.

And we’re right as rain.

PS If you were wondering, I’m not really that big a U2 fan but the husband is and he gets a kick out of seeing U2 song titles reference so just for you, babe.

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Happee Day

We’re almost there…

October 20, 2010

This morning I woke up and I was telling the husband that we’ve still got 2 weeks to Happee Day and he was all “It’s next Sunday, babe…” which got me into a mild panic attack because with the food poisoning debacle, I’m up to my eyeballs in overdue work and now I realize I’ve got 11 days till Happee Day.

But my coffee fix and deep breathing exercises have restored some perspective so there’s really no need to panic. Besides, I’ve got some kickass updates coming up. Give it up for…

1. Chili Api, who will be sponsoring a mouth-watering spread of Peranakan cuisine for the event. We were really hoping to get them on board because you know how you go for an event and the food is at best mediocre so you do the polite thing and pick at yet another awful springroll and then stuff the rest into your purse when no one is looking? That’s not going to happen here.

Because there will be this.

And this.

And this.

And other incredible stuff that will make you want to skip dinner the night before just so that you can have more. And when you’re done, you’ll want some more and you’ll get them for all your parties and events so you’ll always be able to have more of that Peranakan goodness.

2. Jimmy the Juggler, who will be performing a juggling gig for the closing finale. With fire. Seriously, I’m not making this up. I have never seen anyone juggle fire torches in real life so that knocks an item off my bucket list. He gives new meaning to the term playing with fire and I am so going to get him to autograph my shirt. But don’t get your hopes up ladies, he ain’t gonna be lighting your fire anytime soon because this smoking hot guy is happily married with a 6-month-old boy.

3. Ice3 (Ice-CUBE) Cafe, who will be providing homemade super premium ice-cream for everyone. There are few things in life that are better than having a nice cup of ice-cream on a hot day outdoors. Except maybe 2 cups of ice-cream.

4, Evelyn, who is sponsoring an instant photo printing booth so every kid can get their picture printed as a souvenir.

5. LPN Art School, who will be keeping the kids’ creative juices flowing with a Halloween-themed art activity.

6. Chai Lee, who will be having a cake-decorating booth so the kids will be able to have their cake and eat it. Literally. Right after they decorate it.

7. Charmaine, who’s baking some deliciously sinful brownies and cupcakes for the kids.

I’ve done a first round of RSVP for all the volunteers and if you would like to help out but haven’t registered, let me know soon ok! 11 days, we’re almost there.

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