Funny or So I think, i embarrass myself sometimes

I expect hammer sales to go up by 30%

January 24, 2011

Ok, time for a story. A true story.

On Saturday, halfway through her nap, baby girl decided to wake up, drag her stool to the door, climb up on the stool, lock herself inside while trying to open the door and then cry for help like a damsel in distress.

All would have been well if we had the keys to open it from the outside but like most important things in our house, they’re never around when we need them.

We tried to pick the lock but we’re nowhere near as good as Simon Baker in the Mentalist. Then we tried getting her to unlock it herself (which I’ve seen her done before) but she’s a classic girly girl. In a distressing situation, her best solution is to cry for help in the most pitiful way possible. Like “mommieeeee, I want mommieeeeeeee…bwahhhhh” many times over. We were standing outside the door going “come on baby girl, you can do it, just get back on the chair and turn the knob, come on” but when she’s having a meltdown, she’s incapable of following instructions.

At least I know for sure that she’s not going to be a secret agent or KGB operative when she grows up. *Dangerous occupation averted*

So then we tried calling a locksmith to come and pick the lock but it was a Saturday afternoon and it would take at least 45 minutes for one to get to the scene. That’s 45 minutes of lockdown. With a very upset damsel.

Which left us with option D: a large hammer. The husband flexed his giant muscles, gave the doorknob several hard knocks and bam, problem solved. We had our dramatic big-rescue-reunion-moment where baby girl collapsed into my arms and hugged the life out of me. She’s doing fine now, no Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or anything.

As for the doorknob, it’s not feeling so good but it’s just as well since we won’t ever need it to be locked again anyway.

lockpicking gone horribly wrong

That brings us to our lesson, which is this. There are very few problems in life that cannot be solved with a large hammer. For those problems, you probably just need a larger hammer. I mean, have you ever seen Thor with a problem he couldn’t solve? Yeah, didn’t think so.

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homeschooling

This is me considering homeschooling

January 21, 2011

Homeschooling. I never thought I’d come to this bridge. I always figured the only people who did it were Amish or poor or a little weird. Ok, I did not just diss 3 groups of people at once, totally not my intention.

But the point being that I never saw myself as the homeschooling type. I mean, having spent 16 years going through our brilliant education system, I am most acquainted with its shortcomings like rigidity, lack of creativity and imposed clon-ish behavior. Even then, never once did I think of homeschooling as a better alternative. First of all, I would suck as an educator because I have the patience of a 2-year-old. Also, the thought of being cooped up at home with 2-4 kids doing math all day is not exactly my idea of fun.

Well anyway, if there’s a lesson motherhood has taught me, it’s that I usually end up doing the things I say I’ll never do.

In a nutshell, my plans to put the kids in school this year have stalled somewhat and I’m left to consider the option of homeschooling. Yay, me! At first, it was all about keeping them at home for a month while waiting for a confirmation from a preschool. Then a week in, I got to thinking that I could actually do this for an entire year, which was right about the time I started researching for curriculums and lesson plans.

It was also the time I started reading all these experiences on homeschooling by awesome moms like Ree Drummond, who made it sound interesting and fun and most importantly, doable.

To be honest, this world of flashcards and homemade crafts sounds pretty daunting to me. That’s on top of having to cook, feed, clean, play, sing, read, and do cartwheels. It would also mean that I have 24 hours with the kids every single day for the next 11 and a half months. Double yay, me!.

If I decide to go with it, I’ll have to force myself to quit stressing about the Montesorri/Shichida/Multiple Intelligence lesson plans and whatnots. Because on some level, I am that kind of competitive Chinese mother and I must remember that the point of this is not to make it the most unpleasant and stressful year for all of us.

In fact, I might just spend the first half of the year bringing them out to parks, beaches, malls then teach them whatever comes to mind when we’re out. We’re going to do spontaneous learning, like how to do a proper monkey bar or bury someone in the sand or eat an earthquake sundae without puking.

You know, the kinds of lessons you wished teachers taught in playgroup but didn’t because they spent all that time going on and on about the alphabet.

Or I might just cave and send them to school. We’ll see how this pans out.

Any thoughts on homeschooling, successful or otherwise?

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lists you should paste on your fridge, unqualified parenting tips

Golden nuggets of parenting wisdom or utterly useless information. Same thing.

January 20, 2011

1. Whenever I ask Kirsten to turn around, she always turns a full 360 degrees to land in the same spot. When she turns around, she turns A ROUND.

2. To the kids, every type of meat is called chicken. Fish is chicken, pork is chicken and chicken is chicken. Good thing they love chicken.

3. According to Truett, only horses and cows eat green vegetables. What does Truett eat? Gummies.

4. Something special is code for chips, chocolate, popcorn or candy. Gummies aren’t considered something special because they’re supposed to get them everyday.

5. Kirsten knows the right names for all the body parts except for belly button, which is called ORT. Because whenever she digs momma’s belly button, momma always goes OUCH.

6. The kids unanimously go “UNCLE!! What are you doing??” with vigorous hand gestures every time I have to jam the brakes while driving. I’m not saying who they learnt it from.

7. When Tru is supposed to eat vegetables, he falls mysteriously ill and “needs to vomit”. When it’s time for ice-cream, he’s miraculously not coughing or vomiting.

8. Poop always happens at the most inconvenient moments. Like the time baby girl pooped in her swimsuit while swimming and it was all stuck around her thighs and bum.

9. Telling them not to do stuff is basically saying “kids, this is more fun than riding a unicorn while feasting on gummies; you want to do this if it’s the last thing you do”.

10. They are more likely to do something if I can somehow manage to con one kid into doing it. “See, korkor/meimei is doing this” is extremely effective.

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