Usually when I bathe the kids, I try to sneak in a biology lesson. That’s the most convenient time because it’s all out there when they shower so I’ll quiz them on the names of each body part. Since there’s 2 of them, I can use the real models at my disposal instead of flash cards. They get to point to each other’s eyes, chin, knees and toes on top of identifying their own. That’s a reason to have more than one kid right there.

During the course of these lessons, I’ve learnt a few things myself.

1. Their favorite body part is the elbow because it reminds them of their furry red friend from Sesame Street.

2. The chinny chin chin is their next favorite, just like the Three Little Pigs.

3. Penis is way easier to say than vagina. Vagina gets confused with pyjamas, china, virginia and a whole lot of other made up words.

4. Everyone wants to have a penis. And by everyone, I mean baby girl. At least once a day, she shouts “I got penis” and I have to say “no, you don’t, what you have is a vagina” and she’ll go “I got penis” even louder. This goes on for quite a while.

5. Their eyes are used to see, the nose to smell and the mouth to eat. The armpits? For tickling.

To kickstart my homeschooling program, today was all about construction toys. The objectives: creative thinking, finger dexterity, following instructions, learning to focus, all that jazz.

See, much as I’d like them to become a rock star or a heart surgeon, I need to prepare them in case they ever want to become a construction worker. I’m considerate like that.

My mom got them these wooden sets from Plan Toys for Christmas and we only just got around to playing with them today.

I made these by looking at pictures of the finished models. 15 minutes a pop.

We poured out all the parts onto the table and I was all like “Tru, can you build momma a sailboat”, hoping it would keep him occupied for at least a half hour. He fiddled with the parts for a minute then shoved it to me and said “mommy build”.

So that was that. Lesson over.

It turned out that I had a lot more fun building all these models than they did. My inner geek was rocking out to construction toys for 3-year-olds while they ditched me and went to harass my sister instead. It took me 15 minutes to complete one and I was showing it off to the kids like “see, momma made you a race car”. They looked at it for all of 5 seconds and said “I don’t like the car, mommy build airplane”.

Great, after 15 minutes and fingers like a claw, I have to take it apart and make something else, which they will look at for 5 seconds. It’s a good thing I actually enjoy making them.

Maybe tomorrow we’ll do something easier, like one of those doctor sets.