Father Inc, precious moments

Daddies are delicious

June 17, 2011

Is it just me or does Father’s Day seem to be less of a big deal? It’s like while women (who are mothers) are often defined by their role as a mother, men are usually defined by their fancy jobs and the size of their um, cars. For most men, being a father is relegated to an afterthought, like that guy over there is an Emeritus Minister, drives a Bentley and BTW, has 3 kids.

These days though, we’re seeing the rise of the Superdad, who take on their fair share of parenting duties, and then some. Like I always say, they’re practically moms, minus the breastfeeding. And today’s post will be all about the husband, whose Superdad status has reached legendary proportions.

Ask any woman and they’ll tell you that there’s nothing more smokin’ hot than a man who adores his kids and is adored right back by them. It’s exactly why guys who bring along a puppy for a walk in the park are 83% more likely to pick up a hot chick than those who fly solo.

Being Father’s Day and all, it seemed like a good time to make a list of my all time favorite daddy moments.

1. Dogwalking at East Coast.

On a hotness scale, guys who bring a dog to the park have a +25 points advantage, guys who bring kids to the park have a +50 points advantage and guys who bring a dog and kids to the park have a whopping +100 points advantage. That’s a guaranteed fly ball-out-of-the-park home run.

2. Sitting on the shoulders of giants.

This is a classic daddy move. Women are just not ergonomically designed to carry kids on their shoulders – I do this for 2 seconds and my neck feels like it’s about to fall off. We carry them close to our boobs for snuggling but daddies are just right for that added height boost.

3. Matchy matchy outfits.

I know how much guys hate doing the matchy matchy outfits thing because “it’s so girly and gross”. I had to order these tees from Threadless and make them wear the exact same tops on the same day. Too cute for words.

4. Being a pretend unicorn.

Again, something that falls squarely in the daddy’s domain. My stomach muscles just aren’t defined enough to withstand this sort of abuse. Good thing there’s daddy to take one for the team and offer the unicorn riding services.

5. Baby kisses.

This makes my heart melt into the shape of a Precious Moments figurine. Ok, inside joke. But this is definitely my absolute favoritest moment of all.

Happy Father’s Day, sweetheart.

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coolest kids ever, the breast things in life are free, unqualified parenting tips

The Vector Face – Oh yeah!

June 16, 2011

Recently, the kids have been watching a lot of Despicable Me. There’s this evil villain called Vector, who’s like the most annoyingly useless villain in the world, exactly the sort I like. And Jason Segel (Marshall from HIMYM) was the perfect voiceover for the character – equal parts annoying and likable.

In fact, the kids like him so much they’ve made up a game called the Vector Face. Ok back up a little. First, this is the Vector face. They go into hysterical giggling fits whenever it reaches this scene.

So the game works like this. We take turns to randomly shout “VECTOR FACE” throughout the day and everyone has to do this.

Did I mention that I’m the one who gets the most fun out of this whole exercise? When they’re fighting over toys or throwing a hissy fit, I go “VECTOR FACE” and bam, problem solved. Let’s see how long this lasts.

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Kidspeak

Stuck it, mommy

June 14, 2011

So here’s an update on the duck and sleep situation, neither of which is going particularly well. The duck hunt is still proving to be as elusive as ever, because apparently bright yellow furry ducks that can’t quack are at the brink of extinction. Experts are blaming it on itchy-fingered toddlers who keep chucking these ducks out of strollers.

As the days wear on, baby girl is slowly coming to terms with the fact that she’s not going to be seeing duck duck again, and has (reluctantly) agreed to consider making 2 new friends in the form of a ladybug and a bear. She’s not sure which one she likes better so she’s hanging on to both for now.

As for the sleeping, they’re now playing a game of who lasts longer not-falling-asleep-while-being-confined-to-bed and the prize is the sheer satisfaction of pwning mommy.

Much of the game now involves them taking turns to ask me questions and me trying not to answer them.

Kirsten: Mommy, remember we went swimming so fun?

Me: mmph *non-committal grunt*

Kirsten: Did u have fun mommy?

Me: mmphhhh *slightly longer non committal grunt*

Kirsten: Mommy you like to go swimming with me?

Me: Ok yes, I do. But no more talking. Close your eyes.

*brief pause*

Tru: Mommy I think it’s going to rain.

Me: mmph *non-committal grunt*

Tru: You see, it’s very dark. Is it raining mommy?

Me: No it’s not. I will let you know when its raining. I’m serious, go to sleep.

*brief pause*

Kirsten: Mommy where’s my ladybug?

Me: It’s right there, underneath your butt.

Kirsten: OHH here… where’s my bear bear?

Me: Look, it’s here. Right next to your ladybug.

Kirsten: How about my duck duck? My duck duck LOST IT?? (she’s recently taken to adding “it” to all her verbs, like “help, my shoe stuck it” or “oh no, my cornflakes drop it”)

Me: You don’t say. If you don’t lie down, I’m going to be the one losing it.

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