coolest kids ever

Quite easily done

January 17, 2012

I didn’t think I’d be saying this but this whole discipline thing has been getting easier now that the kids are a little bigger. For one, I hardly have to deal with them screaming and melting dramatically into the floor anymore.

Right now they’re at this wonderful age where they’re old enough to understand reason yet too young to do the defiant eye-roll and stomp off while raining curses at me under their breath. Oh, I am perfectly certain that the day will come because I was once the master of the killer eye-roll. If my kids are anything like me, I’m probably doomed so I’m just glad I still have time to figure out what I’m going to do when that day comes.

These days, I employ a 2-pronged approach to discipline. For misdemeanors like snatching toys or refusing to pack their room, they face the wall for 5 minutes. After the period of quiet reflection, they will usually calm down and wake up their idea. But for insolence and blatant disobedience, they face the wall and then have their privileges revoked – usually their favorite show on TV or their daily quota of gummies.

While I was bathing Kirsten yesterday, Tru came to ask if he could waterbomb my toilet with a handful of clear plastic bags. Um, let’s see, NO.

“Ok, fine,” he mumbled.

I had a feeling he was up to no good so I yelled after him, “I’m serious, don’t do it. Keep the bags. We’ll do waterbombs another day.”

By the time Kirsten was done, I found him in my toilet filling up the bags with water. For that, I told him he wasn’t allowed to watch Jake and the Neverland Pirates that evening. When the show started, he begged and pleaded but to no avail. I was sticking to my guns. His eyes filled up with little drops of tears when he saw Kirsten watching it, but he forced himself not to cry.

“Would you like to sit on the couch with momma to read a book?” I asked, not sure if he would throw a hissy fit or scream or flail.

He peered at his sister longingly from outside the door, then held his blankie and nodded, still with tears in his eyes. For 10 minutes, he sat on my lap and read a book while trying not to pay any attention to the happy piratey songs in the background. I knew it was excruciating for him and he was really trying to be good about it.

“Tru, you did really well so you get early parole for good behavior. There’s still 20 minutes of Jake left, you can go watch now.”

“THANK YOU MOMMY!” he grabbed my neck in a bear hug before running off.

After having my butt kicked by parenting for so long, it was nice to feel like a rock star for a change.

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swimmingly well

Not so scary now

January 16, 2012

Lovely morning to start the week with. I hope you managed to get a bit of rest over the weekend and if not, there’s always the Lunar New Year break to look forward to this week.

5 days till the next long weekend, that ain’t so bad.

I spent my Sunday reading Neil Gaiman’s The Graveyard Book by the pool while the husband brought the kids for a swim. In my books, that makes for a splendid Sunday afternoon. I first attempted to read the novel in November of 2008, 5 months after Truett was born. As big a Gaiman fan as I was, I couldn’t get through the first chapter because I got too scared.

When I got to the part where the man Jack was hunting for the baby in the graveyard, I completely panicked. I mean, there I was, 5 months in as a new mom, with my maternal instincts raging out of control and reading about a baby trying to escape from a big scary man with a sharp blade, the same man who had already finished off the rest of his family.

I closed the book in a hurry, stuffed it at the bottom of my book drawer and forced myself to think happy thoughts instead.

Not that it was very effective because that same night, I dreamt that an evil pizza delivery guy was trying to take Tru away from me and when I tried to scream for help, not a sound came out from my mouth no matter how hard I tried. It was the longest silent dream scream I had to make and I woke up feeling more terrified than I had ever been in my life. Till this day, I don’t order pizza. True story.

3 years later, I decided it was time to read the book. The kids were bigger and my maternal instincts were under control. More or less.

So I did and it was thoroughly enjoyable.

I had to do it in broad daylight surrounded by lots of people and I kept looking up every few minutes to check in on the kids even though I knew they were safe with the husband but the important thing is that I finished it. Maybe next week, I’ll do something even crazier and order pizza for dinner. Look fear in the eye and all that.

In other news, I haven’t done Hipstamatic Happiness in a while, so here’s one to kick off the new week.

Happy Monday!

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seriously somewhat serious, stuff best described as not safe for parents, the gripes of wrath, unqualified parenting tips

No clothes, no shame

January 12, 2012

I can’t say if it’s an Asian thing or a generational thing, but there are these adults who tell kids who undress that they’re “shame shame”.

It infuriates me.

I was at the library with the kids a while back and there was a mom who was reading to her kid. From what I could gather while sitting across the room, it was about a kid who was learning to take a shower. While reading, she would pause and comment on the illustrations. So she got to this portion where the kid got undressed and she pointed at the photo to her child and said, “so shame shame right?”. Her 3-year-old responded with a giggle but after a stern look from his mom, became decidedly subdued and said, “the boy never wear clothes, so shame shame.”

Ok, first of all, where I come from, people get naked when they have a shower. There’s nothing shame shame about it.

And second of all, even though I haven’t actually read the book, I think that’s not really the point the author was trying to make.

The lady was reading loud enough for my kids to hear but since they didn’t really seem to hear it, I decided to leave it alone. Besides, I try not to comment on other parents’ teaching methods because I know how sensitive it is.

Then a couple of days ago, I was showering Kirsten when she turned to me and said, “See, I shame shame.” I was taken aback for a while so I asked her where she learnt it from and she said her teacher in school told her about it.

“Sweetie, listen to me, you’re not shame shame ok. You’re beautiful. If teacher ever tells you that you are shame shame again, you say “I’m beautiful” and then tell mommy when you get home.”

“But teacher said if I never wear clothes, I’m shame shame,” she said.

“That’s not true baby. Remember mommy told you that you’re not allowed to show your vagina to other people? It’s because it’s special and you’re supposed to keep it secret. But you’re not shame shame and if you have to bathe, it’s fine to not wear clothes ok.”

It was hard explaining this to a 2.5-year-old and I was mad at the teacher for making it worse.

Ok seriously, this whole shame shame thing has got to stop. I know why adults do it – to discourage kids from running around stark naked in public but there has got to be a better way to do it than shaming a child. They’re going to have to deal with feelings of inferiority and self-doubt and shame soon enough, they don’t need to feel ashamed about their bodies when they’re 2.

Besides, if there’s anything I’ve learnt from parenting toddlers, it’s that they’re compulsive little people. It’s like they can’t help themselves. If they want to get naked, THEY WILL GET NAKED. We try to contain it and scramble to make them put their clothes back on but they will do it until they’re old enough to control their impulses. And they’re not doing it to be bad or intentionally flashing their penises at you to make you uncomfortable. They’re just compulsive and all we need to do is give them a little time to learn that their private parts should be kept private.

But you know what really gets me? When teachers or adults in positions of power do it, the kids under their care will think that it’s ok to “shame shame” their peers. The kids who are waiting for their turn to shower will see the naked kids and think it’s funny to point and say “eee, shame shame”. And maybe even laugh.

I’m all for being fully clothed in public. I mean, I do it all the time. But there are situations in life which requires us to get naked and showering is one of them. My kids don’t need to feel ashamed when they undress to bathe. And so what if they do a naked streak around the house right after their shower? I doubt they’re going to be doing it when they’re 14, so if this is the way they need to express themselves right now, I’m ok with that.

So now every time I shower the kids, I make it a point to tell them that they’re beautiful the way the are.

Today, when Kirsten got into the shower, she said, “I’m not shame shame, right? I’m beautiful!”

Damn right you are, princess.

photo credit: Lynn Davis

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