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Birth induction methods you may (not) want to try

June 25, 2009

a glass of wine may help

It was exactly this time during my first pregnancy that I gave birth to Tru. 38 weeks on the dot. But that was a c-section so I could pick an auspicious date to give birth. Waiting for the contractions to kick in is totally different. I feel so powerless. I’ve got my baby bag and all the baby stuff all ready and packed and it’s like waiting for Santa Claus to appear on Christmas eve. The anticipation is killing me. It’s my control-freak nature kicking in and I just need to know exactly when it’s gonna happen.

Apparently for VBAC, a medical induction of labor increases the chance of womb rupture so it’s off limits. But I hear there are a few ways to induce birth and give the baby a little push as it were. It’s called ripening the cervix (it’s true!)

1. Acupuncture

It’s a tried and tested method by the Chinese and it’s supposed to be highly effective. Back when women used to bind their feet and slice off their pinkies, they realized that somehow jabbing a bunch of needles into various parts of the body triggers the contractions. It’s ingenious, don’t you think?

But seeing that pain avoidance is one of my life’s goals, acupuncture is in my list of Top 10 things NOT to do before I die (along with bungee jumping and eating fire).

2. Castor Oil

It’s a quick and painless method. Just take a few spoonfuls of it neat and wait a few minutes for it to take effect. It’s primarily a laxative, so there’s that nasty side effect where you lose all control of your bowels and start crapping involuntarily. It’s probably good if you hate the gynae/nurse and want to use it as a way to give them nightmares for days.

There’s no guarantee that it will work though, so you may just end up with a severe case of diarrhea.

3. Walking

This sounds pretty harmless. How it works is that it puts pressure on the cervix, causing it to dilate. Anyway it’s the kind of thing you can try without worrying about nasty side effects.

4. Nipple Stimulation

Touted as one of the most effective methods of natural induction, it’s definitely one of the most wildly popular. Mostly because no dude will turn down an invitation to engage in some nipple stimulation – “Boom-chica-wow-wow”.

But seriously, this causes a release of oxytocin, which causes contractions and lead to labor. (See, I’m not a total airhead, I actually know words like oxytocin)

5. Sexytime

As they say, what gets it in also gets it out. (who says that kind of thing anyway?) This is the next most popular method of birth induction, following closely behind the nipple stimulation.

The difference is, while most women are willing to tolerate some mild discomfort to the boobs, certain invasive methods at 38 weeks of pregnancy are too much of a hassle. There’s also the whole foreplay thing to contend with, and by the time there’s any action, you’re way too exhausted for the time to be the least bit sexy. And the focus is to get something out of there, not put something in, if you get what I mean.

I suppose the best thing to do is to sit around and wait till the baby is good and ready to come out. There’s a Chinese saying that goes something like “When the fruit is ready, it will fall off the vine”. Meaning that there’s no point rushing nature, cos all you’re going to end up with is an unripe fruit. Don’t ask me what that means. It’s too deep for my 38-week-pregnant brain.

If it’s up to me, Kirsten will be born on the 4th of July. So who knows, there might be some serious action on the 3rd. Woohoo!

by Daphne

lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Top 5 Useless Baby Stuff

June 17, 2009

Having kids is like a license to buy all sorts of useless baby stuff. I think its a condition that hits all new mothers, and they go on a rampage to amass the most frivolous baby items. If I were a business person, all I would sell are colorful baby-related stuff that serves no real purpose whatsoever. And I’d be RICH! Seriously, just add a cute baby picture to any product and mothers are guaranteed to go all googly-eyed over it.

Before I had babies, I used to think that I was a very rational buyer. I would do intensive research online and check the reviews and head down to the store to test the product like 5 times before buying something. But it all changed when I got pregnant with Tru. I was obsessed with the kids department in all the stores. It was like an addiction. I could spend hours poring over racks of baby clothes, mittens, booties, soft toys… you name it. Everything was all so tiny and cute, I was totally hooked.

If the husband didn’t confiscate all my credit cards, I would have ended up with a truckload of oh-so-cute but oh-so-useless baby stuff. Here’s a few examples so you know what to avoid when you’re shopping for your kids.

1. Zaky Infant Pillow

zaky infant pillow

It’s a pair of brown adult-sized (by adult sized, I’m referring to a tiny giant) pillow hands complete with fingers, which you can put on your baby while he sleeps. And check out the tagline.

Zaky – It’s Like Leaving a Part of You with Your Baby

Now, how freaky is that? At first, I thought it was an interesting concept, but then again, unless your last name is Addams, you probably wouldn’t want your baby to wake up and find a pair of dismembered hands holding him. Think of all the hours of counseling you could avoid in the future if you just had the good sense to not riddle your kid with so many issues during his formative years.

2. Pee Pee Teepee

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WGKFga8fJ6A

This is really good. I first came across this ingenious product while watching Brothers and Sisters, where Calista Flockhart’s character was raving about the benefits of the pee pee teepee. So this is how it works. You know how boys suddenly have the urge to pee the moment the diaper is off? I have lost count of the number of times I got hit by a projectile of pee during nappy changes. But with the PPTP, all you need to do is place the little soft cloth cone over the pee pee when the diaper is off, and what do you know? Crisis averted!

Pee Pee Teepee

But there’s just one thing though. I think the makers of the PPTP underestimated the force that can be generated from a baby’s bladder. There’s been reports that when the baby starts to pee, it causes the PPTP to fly up and hit your face, followed by the stream of lovely, warm liquid.

3. Babykeeper

Babykeeper

The babykeeper is a contraption used by mothers to inflict torture on the babies they HATE with a passion. It’s a pouch-like device with lots of hanging straps to put your baby in. You can then hang them safely from the wall or the ceiling while you go do your stuff. When I first came across this device, I was wondering could ever possess a parent to hang their child from the wall?

Then it suddenly struck me. It’s useful in so many ways. You can swing them like a pendulum just for kicks, tickle them senseless without having to pin down their arms and even use him to scare birds that fly into my kitchen. And all the while knowing that they are in safe hands. What could be better?

4. Tummy Tub

First of all, this looks like a pail I could buy from the store at the market for $2.99. You know the kind they use to put fish in. And some dude came up with the idea of putting a newborn inside , which makes it look like some bizarre Anne Geddes creation. It’s supposed to have many benefits like making the baby feel safe and secure, like he’s still inside the womb.

If you ask me, I’d say it’s a bunch of bollocks. Let’s just say that if I wanted to squeeze my kid into a tiny pail (which I don’t), I wouldn’t be paying $100 for it.

5. Bat and Wobble Penguin

Bat and Wobble Penguin

Sorry, Uncle Toh, but this makes the list of top 5 useless baby stuff. I can understand how a bat and wobble anything may possibly be fun for a 3-year-old toddler with violent tendencies. But a baby does not possess the reflexes to avoid the malicious onslaught of an evil penguin and chances are, they will be hit in the face more times than they can count. My son hates it so much he will not come near it with a 10-foot barge pole.

These days, I use it as a paper weight to hold down stuff.

I’m sure there are plenty of other useless baby stuff you can think of. Here’s just a few to get you started. Feel free to add on to the list!

by Daphne

getting ready for baby, lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Labour Pain Relief Measures

June 12, 2009

Yesterday was one of my final few visits to the gynae. Kirsten is doing well. She says hi, but I shan’t bore you with more ultrasound pics that look exactly the same as the last one. Anyway, it was time to discuss my birthing plan and decide on pain management options during the labor.

When Tru was born, I didn’t have to go through the whole labor process. I was at the gynae’s office for a routine check in the morning and decided on that day to have the c-section at 5 in the evening. No bursting of water bag, no contractions, none of that drama that makes the whole process so exciting. The only thing even mildly interesting was the fact that I snuck out for a final decent meal despite being told that I wasn’t supposed to eat before the surgery. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having real food for the next month without any mental preparation.

The experience was rather sterile actually. I was given an epidural to numb the nerves from waist down (which HURT LIKE CRAZY) and after that, I pretty much just stared at the lights above the operating table while the OBGYN did his thing.

This time, I’m determined to go experience what it’s like to push a child out from my va-jay-jay and do the whole crazy woman scream with sweat pouring down my face thing. It’ll be so much more fun.

So the birthing plan goes like this. When the water bag bursts and I start contracting, I’m going to take a shower, wash my hair, grab some ice-cream, drop Tru at my mom’s place and then fly down to the hospital. The moment I get in, I’m start hollering for an epidural (when else can I get away with screaming at people just for the fun of it?) and demand for ice chips, magazines and my Nintendo DS. With the epi, it’s practically a walk in the park after that. I only hope I don’t poop on the table.

Props to the gynae for keeping a straight face when he heard my plan. And double props for actually agreeing to go along. He says it’s my delivery, I should get to do it my way, as long as I don’t insist on giving birth at home.

He did however, ask me to consider the various pain management options before I decide. So I’m considering.

and the greatest of these..is silent birth

1. Deep breathing.

Seriously. Deep breathing. The only way breathing is going to take away any pain is if I take a deep breath and hold it in forever. Then I might pass out and die and feel no pain. Other than that, deep breathing is rubbish. I did hear some new age, mind-over-matter techniques that can reduce pain. You’re supposed to take deep breaths, close your eyes and imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Yeah, right.

2. Laughing gas.

its funny, i'm in so much pain but i don't seem to care?

There’s nothing funny about it though. The effect is like smoking weed – it makes you high and you can then actually imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Or a butterfly. Or the mouth of a giant T-rex eating up half of Singapore. The thing is, some say it doesn’t actually block the pain, it just makes your brain a little fuzzy in the hope that the pain signals get all mixed up and gets sent to your big toe instead of your cerebral cortex. Except that when it doesn’t work, you end up being high and in a lot of pain. Not a good combination.

3. Epidural

the epidural needle, actual size

This is the only method that is guaranteed to take away the pain. But to administer the epidural hurts big time. They have to inject a tube into the spine in order to pump in the meds, so at the end of the day, it’s a matter of using pain to counteract the pain. But once it kicks in, you can practically chill out, have a cuppa and read a book while your cervix will take its time to open up like a flower without having to imagine it into existence.

I’ve got a fourth method which I’ve worked out with the husband. After I get to the hospital, he’s supposed to knock me out with a small dose of chloroform and pretend that I’m asleep while the doctor administers the epi. Once it’s all good, I’ll wake up and deliver Kirsten without any pain at all. We’re still in the process of determining the right amount of chloroform to use. The last trial run, I was out for 2 days, so we’ll probably have to dilute it a bit more.

Just make sure you don’t try this at home.

by Daphne

how i pretend to be a cool mum, side effects of motherhood, stuff best described as not safe for parents

The dilemma of hired help

June 9, 2009

we've maid it..without a maid.

I’ve been getting a lot of people asking me how I’m going to take care of two kids on my own without any help after Kirsten in born. I’d like to say that I’ve got it all worked out, but honestly, I have no idea. I’ve tossed and turned in bed for nights going through the various permutations of feeding times, nappy changes, screaming fits, and I still don’t have an answer. All I can say is I’m prepared for a lot of mayhem and screaming.

It does help that Tru is a relatively fuss-free kid and at 12 months, he’s practically self-sufficient. He’ll play with his toys and sleep on his own, so that will allow me some time to take care of the little one. And for the first two weeks postpartum, Superdad has offered to clear his schedule to help out at home while I recuperate.

All the people I’ve consulted all suggest the same thing, which is hiring full-time help to keep an eye on one kid or do the chores while I get some rest. Sounds fantastic in theory, but I’m reluctant to have a stranger around in my house all the time.

For the most part, I’m a fiercely private person. I mean, I love having people over for parties and gatherings, but when the party’s over, it’s time to clear out. My home is like my own little private domain, where I can let down my hair, put on green slob on my face and look like the bride of Chucky. But with someone around 24/7, I’ve got to be cordial, make sure I look decent and be on my toes all the time. Where’s the fun in that?

And that’s assuming I get a helper who’s a godsend. I’ve heard all sorts of horror stories about maids from hell that totally freaked my out. Here’s probably a good time to tell you about Jackie, our first experience with a live-in help. Back then, I was still considering childcare options for Tru, so we decided to hire someone to watch him while we were at work. Big mistake.

Despite being highly recommended (by the scumbag agency – I hope they go bankrupt), she managed to drive us up the wall within 8 days. She’d eat on our bed when we were out, turn on the air-conditioning in her room all day, scowl at Tru all the time and looked like she was going to poison our food. By the 8th day, we had to send her packing just so I wouldn’t lose my sanity at home. After the nightmare, I decided no one else was going to look after my kid but me.

Understandably, I’m reluctant to go through the ordeal again, and I’d rather be a little frazzled running after 2 crazy kids than make headlines on the 6 o’clock news. (i.e. Woman dies at the hands of a psychotic maid)

At least, that’s the plan for now. Unless I totally cave after 3 days and start screaming for help.

by Daphne

stuff best described as not safe for parents

Little People for sale

May 13, 2009

Spotted on the Singapore Motherhood forums. Apparently human trafficking is still all the rage these days.

Click the pic to enlarge.

Maddie and AJ-Pitt have been doing their share of buying, sorry adopting little people from different continents, but I had no idea we had such a huge market in Singapore. So how does this work? Is it the littler the better or one size fits all?

Come to think of it, I do have some preloved little people for sale, i.e. my little sister. Considering that we used to lock her up in the storeroom for snitching on us, the condition is still pretty good. Just a little rough around the edges. But overall, definitely a steal at the low, low price of $39.99.

Just a word of warning though. The little people will eventually grow up to become big people and clobber your head in at some point.

by Daphne

stuff best described as not safe for parents

Sock’er Mom

May 5, 2009

Tonight is the big night. Manchester United is taking on Arsenal at the Emirates Stadium for the 2nd leg of the Champions League Semi-Finals. After we demolish the Gunners at their own pitch, we’ll be moving on to whip Chelsea (I hope it’s not Barca) in the Finals.

I have to explain my fascination for soccer. It all started way back in 2000 when Italy took on France for the Euro finals. A bunch of girlfriends decided to come over to my place to check out the cute Italian dudes, and I’d reluctantly agreed to watch 22 men chasing ball like a horde of wildebeests.

But when they zoomed in for a close up of Fabio Cannavaro (who still tops my list of hottest soccer players), I was hooked.

Along the way, I fell in love with the game (and the muscular men all decked out in their soccer garb). There’s all that sweat and testosterone oozing out, complete with masculine grunts. When you watch good soccer, it’s like poetry in motion. Magic.

It’s a myth that only men love to watch soccer. There are plenty of reasons for moms to be a soccer fanatic.

1. Entertainment in your living room.

Being a stay home mom, entertainment options are limited, to say the least. I’m cooped up at home with a kid all day and night, so it’s a good thing I’ve got the telly for company. But with the vast array of trashy programs monopolizing the prime-time slots, soccer is often the best there is, which brings me to my next point.

2. Ogle-fest

It’s the only chance to blatantly ogle at ribbed muscles and tight butts in front of the husband. On a good day, you even get to sneak a peek at their washboard abs when they yank off their shirt with a flourish after scoring a goal. Just make sure you hold a bowl of popcorn so your drool doesn’t collect on the floor.

3. Soccer Barbie

On match days, you get to dress the entire family up in matching soccer jerseys in a show of solidarity. Once you get past the cheese, there’s nothing cuter than dressing the kids up in the tiny jerseys and knee-high socks.

4. Midnight Snacking

It’s the perfect excuse to load up on chips and soda in the middle of the night. So totally sinful, but oh-so-good. And with the occasional ice-cold beer thrown in, the snacks alone is reason enough to be up at 2.30 in the morning.

by Daphne

i embarrass myself sometimes, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Technology, the bane of my life

April 22, 2009

I have a love-hate relationship with technology. I love it because it has made my life a lot easier as a mom (I can’t imagine how mothers used to survive without the assistance of modern technology). But I hate it when it fails me.

I’d like to think otherwise, but on the scale of technology idiots, I’m probably way ahead of the pack. I’m bright enough to recognize the giant (usually red) on/off buttons to work most devices, but when it comes to customizing complicated settings and troubleshooting for problems, it will usually involve some hair grabbing and guttural howls.

There’s nothing more frustrating than having some technological device fail you in the middle of something important like say, preparing a meal. Cooking a decent meal for Tru is tough enough, (I’ll save my culinary exploits for another time) and it is too much to ask for all my kitchen appliances to cooperate?

As usual, the husband and I were puttering around in the kitchen trying to whip up a pot of nutritious porridge for Tru yesterday (it’s a two-men operation) when my blender decided to commit kamikaze midstream. Halfway through the carrots, it let out a final screech and died. It then decided that it could only dice tiny pieces of food one at a time, which is more painful than having to chop it by hand (at least my hands won’t go on strike).

It was just terribly frustrating, to the extent that I considered flinging it against the wall and letting it go out in a blaze of glory.

Die, you pathetic excuse for a blender.

Good thing there’s Superdad to the rescue. After struggling with the accursed appliance for a few minutes, it suddenly resurrected from the dead and sputtered to life. And that’s how I decided to let it continue its miserable existence. But I assure you, it will not be so fortunate the next time around.

by Daphne

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