Yearly Archives

2009

kids inc

The Low-Down on Chow-Down

March 10, 2009

The way I see it, when it comes to eating, there are three kinds of kids. The chickens, the hamsters and the sharks (pardon the analogy, it’s an occupational hazard).

The chickens are the colossally picky eaters. They’re not particularly fond of food and eating is merely for sustenance. They’re usually fine with french fries and ice-cream, but the moment you bring on the broccoli and peas, they’ll grab their heads and retch.

But you gotta give it to them, they’ve got an arsenal of vomit faces to convey their immense displeasure, ranging from “looking at this pile of goo makes my head throb” to “I’d rather die than swallow that”.
bleahh

Then there are the hamsters. They keep the food in their mouths like they’re storing up for winter and refuse to swallow. It would seem like they are eating a lot, since each mealtime takes an average of 3 hours. By the time they’re done with breakfast, it’s about time for lunch. And so on.

In fact, every day is like a never-ending meal punctuated with food of different temperatures.
built-in food pouches

Finally, there are the sharks. They’re the kind that grabs life by the horns and eats right through them. They eat anything and everything. It’s like feeding a bottomless pit, and they seem to be hungry all the time. When the food is too slow or too little, they bang their little hands and scream bloody murder.

“Give me food!” is their battle-cry, and when it doesn’t come, they know how to improvise.

Tru, he’s definitely a shark, and a pretty enterprising one at that. His favorite move is what I like to call the I’m-starving-please-feed-me-look, complete with doleful eyes and half-pout (surprisingly effective). When that fails, he progresses to the hand-banging and screaming (also surprisingly effective).

Recently, he’s acquired a new tactic. The sneak attack. When he know it’s something he can’t eat, (like cookies or chocolate) he’ll act all innocent and sneak up on you when you’re least expecting it. Then with one swift bite, he’ll grab the food right out from your hands and smirk like he’s real pleased with himself.

“Take that, mama!”

Then I look at the chickens and hamsters and I’m actually glad that I’ve got a shark.

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kids in motion, Videos I dig

Vacuum Kid – New and Improved

March 6, 2009

I came across this kid on Ellen who really loves vacuum cleaners. He’s got 10 different vacuums at home and he’s in tune with all the leading brands in the market.

I mean, he’s cute and loves to clean. What’s not to like?

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BC5NoQ7Rfcw

I showed this clip to my boy and being the overachiever that he is, he’s taken it to a whole new level altogether.

Me: Tru, check out this boy on Ellen. He loves vacuums. That’s so cute!

Tru: Waradsto feagast staorsf dirst (Big deal, he just likes vacuums. I can actually vacuum)

After this conversation transpired, he’s taken to replacing my Karcher A1000. You heard me. He’s been crawling around the house picking at dirt and eating it. I usually start by placing him in my living room and within 15 minutes, he’d have worked his way into the bedrooms and the kitchen.

It’s incredible, he’s even more advanced that the flipit. While it only vacuums dry and wet, Tru also vacuums dead or alive. Dust, puddles, ants, flying bugs and roaches, they all disappear like magic.

Most vacuums can at best do a functional job of cleaning the carpets. Not so with the new and improved version. He really gets into the carpets and digs out all the stubborn specks of dirt trapped in between the tiny fibers. Best of all, you don’t have the hassle of having to locate a power point or changing the dust bag.

Alright, so once in a while, he’ll be hacking away like a cat choking on a hairball, but it’s nothing a few solid pats on the back won’t solve.

I’m thinking of putting him on the market to see if it takes off. (Hey, college education doesn’t get paid for by itself)

Who knows, he might do one better and get featured on Oprah.

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how i pretend to be a cool mum, stuff best described as not safe for parents

I sang, I danced, I stole things

March 6, 2009

Wassup superfriends!

Couldn’t resist. I’m still reeling from the awesomeness of the night’s events. Jason Mraz is in town and I had my much-deserved night off to catch the hottest guy on earth live in action. For the first time in a long time, I didn’t feel like an out-of-touch, knocked-up chick that’s been cooped up at home for waaayyy too long.

Note to self: I’ve gotta stop getting pregnant.

Anyway, it’s official. I can still bring it.

Sitting there at the Singapore Indoor Stadium, I found the Remedy for the Beautiful Mess which is pretty much the state of my life these days. From the time Mr A-Z burst up on stage to the Dynamo of Volition, I was screaming like a fourteen-year-old after a Jolly Shandy. Man, it’s good to feel young again.

Seriously, it’s the most fun I’ve had in months. No Clockwatching or scrambling after my Mr. Curiosity. I was utterly mrazmerised, transported to a world where life and love were being celebrated. At once witty, whimsical and downright wonderful, it was clear that Mraz totally brought his A-game, and I was loving every moment of it.

Rock on, my Geek in the Pink! And for the rest of you, go on, get out and live high. Life’s too good for us to be sitting on our asses drowning in monotony.

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pregnancy

The Curse of the Cravings

March 4, 2009

One of the biggest banes of pregnancy is the accursed cravings. The backaches and incontinence, I can handle, but the cravings are my achilles’ heel. It’s insatiable. There’s a little voice in my head telling me what to eat all the time, and I just can’t get it to stop. One day it would be chicken wings, then curry, then ice cream (sometimes all at once). And if I so much as recalcitrated against the craving gods, I’d feel so sick it was worse than not eating at all.

To be fair, cravings are actually good. After you satisfy it, it’s totally orgasmic. Like when you locate an itch and scratch the living daylights out of it, or when an elusive sneeze finally surfaces, the satisfaction is intense.

If there were no repercussions, I would eat with wild abandon. Oh wait, I did, and that’s the story of how I gained 50 pounds.

This time around, I had a relatively craving-free first 20 weeks. I was even starting to give myself a little pat on the back for the immense self-control I’ve gained now that I’m a mother. (After you push a human being out of your crotch, you can stake claim to practically anything) But as I realized today, that’s absolute bollocks.

The cravings are back with a vengeance and today, it’s durians. Big, fleshy, aromatic, creamy durians. I could taste the bittersweet tang in my mouth and the smell, oh heavenly! I did make a vain attempt to list all the reasons why durians are bad, but there is no reasoning with the cravings.

So against my better judgment, I went out and decimated three whole durians. And it was exquisite.

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lists you should paste on your fridge, pregnancy

What to Expect When You’re Expecting… Again

March 3, 2009

It’s different going through a first and second pregnancy. It’s all so new and exciting having a first child, and you meticulously follow all the instructions dished out by the baby manuals. Here’s what the books fail to tell you.
wteaf

Maternity Clothes

1st Baby: You wear regular clothes for as long as possible. A baby bump is hot!

2nd Baby: Your maternity clothes are your regular clothes. Strangely, the baby bump didn’t come out together with the baby.

Food

1st Baby: You eat nutritious meals that are chock full of goodness for baby’s healthy development.

2nd Baby: A granola bar is as nutritious as it gets.

Babytalk

1st Baby: You  sing and talk to your baby many times a day so they get used to Mom’s voice.

2nd Baby: Half the time, you forget they’re in there.

Sleep

1st Baby: You sleep like a baby 13 hours a day. Babies needs their beauty sleep, don’t they?

2nd Baby: Sleep? Hah!

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motherhood

A Crapload of Lessons

March 2, 2009

My nine-month-old boy drew a painting on the floor today, albeit a crappy one (no, literally, it was drawn entirely out of crap). It was quite a masterpiece, really. Other kids draw with crayons, but mine prefers a more organic alternative.

Lesson 1. Do not leave crap lying around

You’d think I know this by now, considering the number of times my mom has told me, ” Don’t leave your crap lying around”. Now, if I just listened to my mom, I would not be scraping crap off my hardwood floor.

We were already running late, and I was scrambling to get my little Picasso all changed and ready. I didn’t think much about it at that time, and I just left his soiled diaper on the floor, meaning to throw it after I got myself ready. Somehow, in the 10 minutes I took to bathe and change, Tru managed to unwrap the diaper, dig out a whole load of crap and smear it all over the bedroom floor.

Lesson 2. Boys are drawn to crap (hence, refer to lesson 1)

This lesson into the male psyche is not just meant for mothers. As long as you are in regular contact with a boy/man/dude/guy, you’d do well to remember this. After some extensive research, I’ve come to the conclusion that men are naturally drawn to crap and its variants (faeces, boogers, ear wax). I suspect it’s the texture, or their unusually high tolerance for funky odors, or simply their primal masculine instinct.

I haven’t heard of a girl playing with poop before, but plenty of boys have valiantly braved the way into the wonderful world of crap. I have a friend whose son ate dog droppings, another one who meticulously covered his cot with his own droppings, and yet another who dissected someone else’s droppings in the name of science, to find out what it was made of.

And if you pay enough attention, you’ll probably notice male counterparts rolling up their boogers and flicking it or picking at dirt from between their toes and playing with it. Some things don’t change.

Lesson 3. Learn to laugh at crap

So, back to the story. I stood in awe at the work of art that was laid before me for a whole minute before I knew how to react. I could either shriek and throw a hissy fit (tempting as it seemed), or throw my head back and laugh at the absurdity of the situation. I chose the latter, mostly because it was far less likely to give me hemorrhoids, and because I knew that if I didn’t learn to laugh, I’d probably come to resent these little moments which make motherhood the lovely adventure that it is.

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