Yearly Archives

2009

love bites

California Dreaming: Lake Tahoe

August 22, 2009

Leg 2: Heavenly Village is well… heavenly

Whatever heaven must be like, it’s gotta have Tahoe. The folks at Heavenly Village obviously shared the same sentiment, seeing that they came up with the perfect name for the place. With its unassuming rustic charm, it totally took my breath away. Being in Lake Tahoe is like stepping into a Hemingway novel, complete with plenty of that old-school romance.

I loved everything about it – the babbling brooks, the snow-capped mountains, the Lake with water so still you’re almost afraid to disturb its serenity. It was the perfect place to escape from the cares of the world, as it were. No phone calls, emails or pesky work issues to clear (URGENTLY it always seems). People knew how to stop and smell the roses, to give you the time of day and chat like old friends and enjoy the little things in life.

Snow-capped mountains in the distance

The lake from 30,000 ft

The lake at ground level

Some may say that it’s terribly backward but sometimes, a little trip back in time may be just what we need.

Originally, we wanted to stay in a log cabin, the kind with walls made of actual logs, a fireplace with actual chimneys and an actual wooden bear outside. I found the loveliest place – the Hyatt Regency in Incline Village, but then it was situated at the other side of the Lake (about an hour’s drive from Heavenly Village). So we settled on Harveys, which was right at the heart of the action.

The loveliest place to stay in Tahoe

You can't have a lodge without a real bear outside

We were in Tahoe in the middle of April, so it wasn’t supposed to snow but we woke up on the second day to find a thick layer of snow had fallen during the night. It was like Christmas came early for me and while everyone was running for cover, there we were, 2 crazy Chinese kids jumping around in the snow.

Speaking of Christmas, Starbucks only brings in Toffee Nut Latte in December and it is the most delightful drink on the planet. Imagine my ecstasy when I wandered into the Starbucks in Tahoe to find Toffee Nut Latte in April. I could have died happy there and then.

I refused to take shelter until I couldn't feel my fingers

Ice-kachang, anyone?

Of course, Tahoe would not be complete without a ride to the top of Adventure Peak on the Gondola. You could ski, snowboard and for the less adventurous, do kiddy stuff like tubing. I watched in awe as skiers flew down from the top of the mountain. It was poetry in motion. I thought for a while and decided to go with tubing just in case I broke a rib or got a concussion. As it turns out, tubing was surprisingly fun. Ok, so it was an activity for kids, but my inner child was having the time of her life.

We were so high I could reach out and touch the clouds

Tubing on Adventure Peak

Gives ice cold beer a whole new meaning

In my opinion, Lake Tahoe is the best place to fall in love. And if you’re already in love, GO TO LAKE TAHOE. There will be lots of boom-chica-wow-wow action. Trust me, I should know.

by Daphne

motherhood

Version 2.0

August 20, 2009

Having babies change you. And I’m not talking about the obvious ones like the additional 30 pounds of fats or how my thighs will never be cellulite free again, or how my boobs are no longer tiny and perky. The changes are subtle. They kinda sneak up on you and before you know it, BAM! And I’m like I don’t even recognize this person looking back at me in the mirror anymore. How did I get here? I liked the old me. The old me was fun and loved to party and didn’t talk about kids all the time and drank coffee with wild abandon.

Without realizing it, I had morphed into one of those middle-aged homely mothers whose life I used to scoff at. I used to say that having kids won’t make a difference to my life and I’d still be as cool as ever. Boy, was I wrong.

1. Mornings… what mornings?

For as long as I could remember, I hated mornings. You’d have to drag me out by the hair kicking and screaming to make me get up before 10am. Most days I’d be sleeping in till noon and waking up just in time for lunch. When the husband and I were still dating back in college, he asked me out to see the sunrise one morning (his idea of being romantic and all). In response, I grunted something like “You want me to get up at 6am to DO WHAT?” and that was the last time he ever asked. True story.

But recently, I’ve come to like mornings. I get to spend time having a leisurely breakfast with my boy and still have time to get plenty of things done before the madness peaks at noon. I’ve also learnt to treasure the moments of respite just before day breaks. It’s so peaceful and quiet. The air is fresh and I can almost hear the stillness of the morning. Love it.

2. Home sweet home

Being out late was like a prerequisite of having fun. It didn’t matter what the activity was – drinks, movies, clubs, loitering the streets like some sort of delinquent. I suppose part of the reason was because we just wanted to spend time together for as long as possible and being out sure beat being chaperoned at home. That all changed after we got married. Now, we’d rather snuggle up on the sofa to watch a movie or laze in bed.

With kids in the picture, it’s even worse. Going out is like preparing for war. By the time we reach the mall, we’d be so exhausted that all we want to do is turn around and go home.

3. Coffee addict

Hi, my name is Daphne and I’m a coffeeholic. I used to live on coffee and nothing else. I could knock back 7-8 cups a day without flinching (sometimes without eating). When I first discovered I was pregnant with Tru and had to give up coffee, I suffered from severe withdrawal for the entire first month. I felt like my life had lost its meaning. I’d wake up in the morning and reach out for a cuppa, only to realize that it was off limits and end up sulking for the rest of the day, being all edgy and irritable. Having abstained from coffee for 2 years, I’m glad to say that I’m now coffee-free and still happy. Wait till I get my hands on the Nespresso machine and things might change, but for now, my life doesn’t stop without caffeine.

4. Cooking mama

If I could help it, I’d never step into the kitchen (except to make coffee) because cooking is the bane of my existence. The marketing, preparation, cooking and the truckload of cleaning that follows. After that, there’ll be that layer of oil and grime that coats the entire kitchen. Urgh. I like my food to magically appear in front of me and disappear the way it came after I’m done with it.

Having kids change that. They need to eat and it’s impossible to not cook at all. Well, I did consider feeding them processed baby food, but my sense of responsibility got the better of me. So I dutifully whip up nutritious meals EVERYDAY and in a weird way, I’ve come to enjoy it. I feel a tremendous sense of achievement every time I successfully add a new dish to my repertoire. At the rate I’m going, soon Tru will be able to have something other than fish porridge everyday.

I could think of a thousand other ways being a parent has changed me. I can see myself evolving and sometimes I try to cling on to the old me so I can feel young again. I suppose we’ve all got to grow up sometime. I just wish it didn’t happen so soon.

PS. On a completely unrelated note, I just got my iPhone 3G(S) and it is absolutely divine. It has singlehandedly brought out my inner geek. Steve Jobs is my hero.

PPS. Steve Jobs is not really my hero. Superdad is my hero.

PPPS. I had to sneak that in because he bought me the iPhone. Also, he’s taking the night feeds tonight.

by Daphne

pregnancy

Eau de Moi

August 19, 2009

breast is best - or is it?

Would you believe that after 5 weeks of expressing milk, I haven’t had the guts to try it once? The husband would rather die than to try it (being lactose intolerant and all – but I think it’s just an excuse) and the one time I gave some to Tru, he made a face and spat it out. Seriously, he SPAT IT OUT! The nerve. The breast milk that I spent 200 hours with a pump attached to my boobs trying to squeeze out.

I mean, it can’t be that bad, can it? I hear it’s supposed to be sweet and light. Like kinda watery and filled with all sorts of natural goodness. Besides, Kirsten seems to like it, seeing how she decimates it throughout the day without complaint.

Since the men in my house are too chicken to drink it, I thought I’d step up and give it a shot. Suffice to say, I should have learnt something from watching all those episodes of fear factor. If you’ve noticed during the eating segment, there are the eaters and the chokers and the thing that separates the two is the smell. It’s not the sight or texture, but the smell that really messes with your head. Those that smell it usually end up spitting it out.

While the kids were asleep and the husband was at work, I poured out a small glass to try. I thought of having it with Oreos (you know, twist and dunk) but since I couldn’t perform the Heimlich Manoeuvre on myself, I didn’t want to end up choking on Oreos and dying. My kids would have to explain the stupidity of their mom to their friends all their lives and they would really hate me. “Oh, this one time when we were sleeping, my mom had Oreos with her breast milk and choked to death.”

So I had it on the rocks. Except that when it entered my mouth, I forgot and took a giant whiff of it. I cannot do justice to the smell because words fail me. It’s like unpasteurized goat’s milk mixed with a dash of human sweat and a little musk. NASTY. Most of it ended up on the floor, together with the remnants of my tuna melt.

Now I actually feel bad that Kirsten has to drink this 8 times a day. No wonder she gets cranky once in a while. I should totally cut her some slack. You’re most welcome to give it a try if you want.

by Daphne

out of the box

She smiled at me and my heart turned to mush

August 18, 2009

Last night was one of the roughest in a while. After consistently sleeping 4-5 hour stretches, she decided to wake up thrice to feed, twice to burp, once to puke and half a dozen times just for kicks. Throw in the milk expressing and I was practically up the whole night.

When she started to cry again at 6am, I could feel myself getting edgy and snappish. “What in blazers is the matter with you? Do you hate me that much? Do you? Do you? Huh?” I conveyed all that in a grunt and a sigh, which woke the husband (who decided to intervene and burp her while I dragged my ass out of bed to express milk again. Damn, it’s going to be a LOOOOONG day.

So I braced myself, drank my first cup of coffee in 10 months, took a deep breath and counted to 1,582, all the while mumbling “she’s just a baby, she’s just a baby, she’s just a baby… but I think she hates me”.

When I managed to pull it together sufficiently, I went back to pick her up and begged her for mercy held her for a while. Then for the first time, she looked at me, gave the cutest little gurgle and smiled. And I knew it wasn’t just gas. My baby girl smiled at me and my heart turned to mush. The events of last night seemed to vanish with that one tiny grin.

I think she doesn’t hate me after all.

by Daphne

motherhood

Babywise saved my life

August 17, 2009

Parenting is the kind of thing they don’t teach you in school. As parents, we stumble and grope our way in the darkness, unsure of whether we’re doing the right thing all the time. It doesn’t help that there are a thousand different (often contrasting) parenting methods, each claiming to be THE REVOLUTIONARY parenting style. To top that off, our parents have their own ideas of how to raise kids, seeing that we turned out somewhat normal (normal being a matter of perspective, of course).

So is there a right parenting style, or do all roads lead to Rome? As long as we’re not Hitler or Joseph Walter Jackson, does it really matter if we co-sleep with the baby or let him cry it out? I am of the opinion that kids don’t remember a smidgen of what went on in the first 2 years of their lives and these decisions really end up affecting the parents more than the kids.

Before Tru was born, a friend introduced me to a book called On Becoming Babywise and that has been my bible as far as parenting goes. At first, it seemed like the hardest parenting advice I’ve ever heard, but upon witnessing the effects it produced, we were completely sold. 14 months in, we’ve never looked back and it is perhaps the only reason why we even considered having Kirsten 4 months after Tru was born.

In a nutshell, Babywise advocates parent-directed parenting, which places the responsibility of parenting squarely on the parents and not the kids. This is opposed to child-directed parenting, where they believe babies know what they want and parents should react to their babies’ cries at the drop of a hat, sending them into a frenzy every time the baby so much as whimpers. BABIES DON’T KNOW WHAT THEY WANT.

How it translates into actual parenting is this:

1. Babies cry. It’s what they do and there’s no getting around it. It’s also not the end of the world. It’s the only way they know how to communicate and crying is normal. Ok, it sends my blood pressure into overdrive, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not going to kill them.

2. Babies need a routine. Simply reacting to their cries makes parenting a real pain. Without a proper schedule, it could be due to a plethora of reasons, and chances are, we’ll pick the wrong solution. A routine helps to eliminate factors, making it easier to identify why the baby is crying.

3. Sleep has to be taught. It may seem like the most natural thing in the world but trust me, extended sleep is a skill that must be learnt. If babies have it their way, they would sleep for 3 hour stretches for the first 5 years of their lives and the number of parents committing harakiri will go up exponentially.

4. Independence is important. This whole babies need an extended womb theory is nonsense. If babies needed to be in the womb, they would stay in the womb and not come out. Now that they’re out, we don’t need to create an artificial womb and have them attached to our bodies 24/7.

The truth is, babies that learn to sleep well on their own end up being happy, cheerful, smart and independent. But the process of learning is well, PAINFUL as hell (for the parents) and it involves copious amounts of wailing and screaming (by both parties).

From day 1, my kids are placed in their own cots to sleep WHILE THEY ARE AWAKE and this makes me wildly unpopular. The idea is that they have to learn to fall asleep on their own without being rocked or carried. The benefits are twofold. It means that I don’t have to carry them for hours to induce sleep, only to have them wake up and scream once I lower them into the cot. Also, it will help them to fall back asleep if they wake up in the middle of the night. Of course it’s met by tremendous resistance and Tru had a legendary 6-hour crying session on a particularly trying day. I was pacing the floor outside his room screaming into a pillow and every 10 minutes, I would go into the room to pacify him. He only fell asleep after 6 hours.

But he’s come a long way since then. He’s been sleeping through the night since he was 12 weeks old, and nap times aren’t painful. When it’s time for a nap, I can put him down in his cot while he’s wide awake and walk out. Some days, he’ll talk to his soft toys for an hour before he falls asleep, but there’s none of that cot-resistance.

In a way, it’s a matter of necessity. With 2 kids, I simply do not have the time to carry them to sleep. But more importantly, it has done wonders for my sanity as well as my marriage. With the kids down for the night at 7pm, we get to spend quality time alone in the evenings instead of being flustered and exhausted. The best part is, with good sleep, Tru is like a ball of sunshine in the daytime, making it a breeze to watch him (that being relative as well).

In another 2-3 weeks, I’m hoping Kirsten will adjust to sleeping through the night as well. I haven’t had a proper night’s sleep in 5 weeks and it’s killing me. Any more of this and I’ll be too high strung to take care of the kids without snapping at them all day. A happy mommy results in happy kids.

So yes, Babywise saved my life.

by Daphne

love bites

California Dreaming: San Francisco

August 14, 2009

I’m having the most severe honeymoon withdrawal ever. It started the moment I got on the plane from LAX and it hasn’t gone away since. For the first two weeks after I got home, I’d crawl into my “happy place” in my head and imagine that I was strolling down the strip in Vegas and squishing snowballs in Tahoe. Some days, I could almost smell the scent of fresh snow. Heavenly. On the last day of my honeymoon, I was throwing a hissy fit refusing to go home. I told the husband something along the lines of “that’s it, I’m staying here forever and you can go home without me.”

2 years and 2 kids later, I still wonder if I should have sat my ass down on the kerb and stood my ground. Life would be so different. IHOP every morning, skiing in the winter, road trips, shopping at Saks, sipping coffee in Santa Monica, Disneyland. Life would be good.

These days, I still retire to my happy place whenever things got too depressing. The irony is that I end up feeling more depressed than ever. It’s bittersweet, especially now that there’s no chance of ever recapturing those moments again. We were young and in love, flying by the seat of our pants and without a care in the world. We’re still young and in love, but my pants are now stuffed with diapers, breast milk and baby vomit. And responsibilities compel me. It’s a catch 22, really. Taking a holiday with the kids would be a logistical nightmare and taking a holiday without them would be an emotional one.

So I’m content with browsing the pictures and recapturing the moments in my head. And since I’m feeling extra generous today, I’ll share them with you.

Leg 1: I left my heart in San Francisco

I still don’t know what ever possessed us to do it, but in a bid to save $400 on admin charges to fly direct to SFO, we decided to land in LAX and take a 9 hour drive along the Pacific Coast Highway right after a gruelling 27 hour flight. I have since learnt a painful lesson on not being too cheapskate.

I was so exhausted I had to hold on to the car for support

I love that the entire Bay area is so laid back. Folks aren’t rushing at breakneck speed and they’ll take the time to stop and chat. The first day, we were up at 5am and by noon, we had conquered Fisherman’s Wharf, Coit Tower, the Embarcadero, Chinatown and Union Square. Don’t ask me how we did it, but we did it.

climbing up coit tower was enough workout for the entire trip

Bubba Gump has the best shrimp in the whole wide world

My personal favorite was Sausalito. It’s like a slice of heaven. We’ve already marked it as our ideal retirement location. I felt like I was stepping into Stars Hollow on the set of Gilmore Girls. The shops were quaint and there was magic in the air. I even made friends with a cute little Goldie.

there's love in the air in Sausalito

one day, I'll get a goldie just like this one

And of course, the magnificent Golden Gate Bridge. Driving across at 80 mph, my hands were trembling as I felt the bridge sway. And in the distance, the bay was completely fogged up.

Me: Look, its all fogged up!

Husband: Hey, stop swearing ok.

Me: Just shut up.

see, I told you it was all fogged up

by Daphne

motherhood

10 things I love about you

August 13, 2009

To my princess,

A month ago, I was screaming my head off in the delivery ward being all unglamorous and trying to push an entire human being out of my body. In the moments of respite between contractions, I would close my eyes and imagine how life would be like with you in my arms, to hold you and smell you and get to know you. Right now, those moments seem like a lifetime ago and I can’t imagine life without you in the picture.

It’s been an entire month of unspeakable insanity but in the midst of the sleep deprivation, postpartum depression and accursed hormone fluctuations, I’ve had the most wonderful time just looking at you and loving you.

On this first month milestone, here’s Mommy’s list of the top 10 things I absolutely LOVE about you.

1. The way your tiny little mouth breaks into a giant smile after you finish your milk. I had no idea your mouth was capable of opening that wide to accommodate that grin. And who cares if it’s gas, it’s nice to be smiled at anyway.

2. Your lovely baby smell right after a shower (even though it doesn’t last long – but that’s fine, I dont take that well to heat myself).

3. For not blinding and killing me with your poop. Have I said that I was eternally grateful? Yes, I am.

4. How you let me hold you for as long as I want without squirming or trying to break free. I’ve never had that with your brother.

5. The way you settle so comfortably on my chest. It’s the only way to calm you down on those particularly fussy nights.

6. Your chubby cheeks that’s always threatening to eat up your entire face. Also, sorry I bit your cheeks so many times. I can’t help it. I’m taking medication for that.

7. The way your itsy bitsy fingers grab on to my shirt/bra/hair/skin so tightly just as I’m attempting to put you in your cot. “No, mommy, nooooooo”

8. How you pout your quivering lips right before you break into the scream of your life like a prelude of what’s to come. That totally cracks me up.

9. Your ability to sit in the baby chair for extended stretches without fussing while your brother takes his turn at tormenting me.

10. The look of adoration you reserve for your daddy and me. That, to me, is worth all the madness in the world.

You, baby girl, are the beating of my heart.

With all the love in the world,

Mommy

by Daphne

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