unqualified parenting tips

The Intervention-Misdemeanor Chart

Consistency. One of those buzzwords that get thrown around in parenting circles.

As parents, we’re told to be consistent in the way we teach our kids lest their little brains implode from the weight of sheer confusion.

While I understand the need for a clearly defined set of guidelines from which we never deviate, implementing them is a whole other ball game. Mostly because kids are persistent little creatures and they will test your resolve 800 times a day.

Truett knows full well that he’s not allowed to hose my toilet with the spray, or flick his boogers at his sister, or charge into my ankles with his scooter at full speed, but he does them anyway. Multiple times. Just to see if there’s that one teensy weensy chance I’ll let it slide and he’ll get away with it.

Early on in the parenting game, I’ve discovered that even though I wholeheartedly agree with the consistency principle in theory, I’m incapable of actually putting it into practice.

Me: Tru, no snatching toys from Kirsten.

Tru: I’m trying to exchange with mei mei.

Me: Exchange requires you to give her something as a trade. Taking her stuff is not exchanging. Give it back.

*2 minutes later*

Kirsten: I DON’T WANT KOR KOR TO TAKE MY TOYS!!! *hypersonic banshee screeching*

Me: Tru, are you snatching from her again?

Tru: I just want to share toys with mei mei.

Me: Sharing means you give her some of your toys, not snatch hers. Give it back.

5 minutes later, he’s at it again but this time Kirsten didn’t protest. So I pretended not to have seen it. Yes, I know a more consistent parent would have swooped in to stop him because it’s about teaching the principle, not simply reacting to shrieks.

But in my parenting manual, this falls into the category of battles I don’t want to fight. If I had to police every single misdemeanor, I’d pull a Mrs Trunchbull and fling them by the hair like a sledgehammer.

Instead, I rely on this chart to help me determine the need for parental intervention.

I say forget consistency, I’m gunning for survival. And sanity.

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11 Comments

  • Reply Jess July 1, 2011 at 9:52 am

    Hi, just dropping in to say I love your posts. They never fail to make me laugh especially during very difficult days (and nights) with my lemon of a 5 month old baby girl. :)

    • Reply Daphne July 2, 2011 at 8:47 am

      Thanks Jess, you’re so sweet!

  • Reply Madeline July 1, 2011 at 10:34 am

    You and your charts Daph.. Hilarious!

    • Reply Daphne July 2, 2011 at 9:40 am

      Haha i guess you can say I have a chart fetish..

  • Reply Susan July 1, 2011 at 1:56 pm

    Haha and hey come on you gotta teach them survival skills too so who says always intervening is a good thing?

    • Reply Daphne July 2, 2011 at 9:41 am

      Exactly!! Sometimes I just let them fight it out and settle it themselves. Unless it gets out of hand then I intervene.

  • Reply Emily July 1, 2011 at 5:47 pm

    Hi Daphne,
    I love your post and your chart. I’m on the same track as you. Sanity & Survival is way more important to me. :)

    Have a nice weekend!

    • Reply Daphne July 2, 2011 at 9:43 am

      Hi Emily, hi 5! I mean, it’s good to know the principles and try to keep to them but in reality, it’s almost impossible to do, that’s why need to improvise.

      Hey you have a nice weekend too!

  • Reply Leslie July 4, 2011 at 11:55 pm

    I totally agree. If we have to intervene at every shriek and whimper, we’ll go bonkers in no time. Sometimes i also like to watch them fight it out and teach them how to ‘negotiate’ with each other……..so i can wash my dishes in peace….>.<

    • Reply Daphne July 5, 2011 at 12:57 am

      Exactly and they say learning to resolve conflict is critical to building a loving relationship. As long as you can afford the hospital bills!

  • Reply Grace August 2, 2011 at 2:18 pm

    Its not just about preserving your sanity but honing their resilience, they say. Apparently every time a parent swoops in once there is a sign of pain/ struggle (that is of course not classifed under mortal danger as per your chart!), said parent is depriving the child of orientating that sense of shock/ confusion/ and most importantly, recovery of the situation which some how turns them into mushy teens and eventually adults. Read this if you have the time, very insightful! http://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/archive/2011/07/how-to-land-your-kid-in-therapy/8555/2/

    So yes, good job! ;-)

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