Fact: we can all be right at the same time

The longer I am a parent, the more I realize I don’t know about parenting.

It’s one of those things we all want to be good at, but there’s no one right way to do it. Now we may all be passionate about our revolutionary way of parenting, which we think is superior to all other methods, but there can’t possibly be a billion *best* methods of parenting. Or can there?

A parent who places great importance on building a child’s self esteem will chose to value encouragement and praise over the need to achieve. While another parent may believe that inculcating values like hard work and tenacity is more important than feeling good about yourself. Some parents are paranoid about cleanliness and proper nutrition, others don’t mind a little bit of dirt and french fries. Some parents are disciplinarians, some are friends and some just freestyle, winging it along the way.

In a way, all of those methods are great. And all of those parents are awesome in their own right. They all want the best for their kids and are willing to do what it takes to make that happen. While their idea of “what’s best” differs, one thing’s for sure – they hope to give their kids a better life than they had.

When I went for a school trip to visit a sports school in Beijing in 1996, I was appalled to find out that some kids were sent to the sports school from as young as 2 years old. From the time they could walk, they started training for 10 hours a day, doing splits and upside-down hanging stunts and by 16, they were Olympic Gold medalists. When I was 2, I spent most of my time watching cartoons and having tea with my imaginary friend. 13 years later, I got my ass whipped by 10-year-olds on the basketball court. And I thought I was good back home. Sometimes I think of who’s got the better life and I’m not sure. Maybe them, maybe me. But I guess it all depends on what’s our definition of better.

And on that note, most parents tend to overcompensate for the things they lacked in their lives. If we had strict parents, we try to be more loving and give our kids more freedom to live their own dreams. If we didn’t have an opportunity for a good education, we push our kids to study harder, become better students. If we wanted to be an athlete but couldn’t, we send our kids to gymnastics and tennis classes, hoping they’d turn out to be the next Federer. Or Nadal.

On this journey of parenting, we all want to know that we’re doing the right thing. Just because of that, you probably already are. Unless you’re shooting them up with drugs or flogging them with chains, then I suggest getting some help. Otherwise, the important thing is to keep learning and doing what we know is right. There’s no shame in having to learn new ways to be a better parent and changing the way we do parenting.

At the end of the day, whatever you do (especially the difficult bits), stamp it with love. That’ll make you a great parent.