Please, can I have some more?

Remember when Theo was born, I really wanted me a fat baby who would enjoy eating everything I prepared for him? So that happened and it was awesome.

Right up to that point, all my other kids had been moderately picky eaters who were all like “I don’t like this food it’s so gross” or “I’m really full, my stomach hurts when I look at broccoli.” It was nice to have a baby who ate everything from rolled oats to raw carrots. Raw carrots. That’s just hardcore.

Almost all of baby Theo’s happy thoughts are about food and our conversations all day are variations of this:

Theo: Mommy can I have bread? Big big bread.

Me: You just ate an entire sandwich, 5 strawberries, some yoghurt and a glass of milo. We need to take a break.

Theo: How about small small bread?

Me: We can’t have small small bread either. No bread.

Theo: How about cereal? With fresh milk?

Me: Not right now. We can have cereal with milk as a snack later ok?

Theo: Um, 3 grapes? Can I have 3 grapes please?

It’s so hard to refuse a polite baby asking for 3 grapes so I cave. After he’s done, which is like 3 seconds later…

Theo: Can I have 3 more grapes please?

Me: I’m sorry baby, we’re done eating for now. There will be more food later.

Tears start to well up in his eyes and his voice quavers.

Theo: How about pancakes? Can you make pancakes for him??

Me: For me, not for him.  Nobody else wants pancakes. And no, we can’t have pancakes.

Theo: Marshmallows? Only 1 blue marshmallow. Just one and all done.

Me: Hey! How about let’s fix a puzzle. Look, it’s a farm puzzle!!

Theo: *starts to wail like he hasn’t eaten for a week* NO, STOP STOP STOP!! HE DON’T WANT PUZZLES HE JUST WANT TO EAT FOOD!!!

At first, I thought maybe he’s just hungry and I should give him more food until he’s full but he didn’t seem to ever have enough. He could eat more food than Truett, Kirsten and Finn combined for breakfast and still ask for more, which is insane.

And have you ever done the food test? I do this with all my kids. I’ll ask them to share the last piece of cookie/goldfish cracker/gummy that they’re clutching in their tiny fists, not because I actually want to eat it (it’s usually sweaty and soggy and germy by the time it reaches my mouth) but because it is proof of their undying love for me.

Most of the time, they’ll shove it quickly into their mouths to destroy all evidence of ever possessing such deliciousness but on several occasions, I’ve had all 3 of the big kids offer me their last morsels of snacks. True love, am I right?

But not baby Theo. One time, when I asked Theo for the last bite of his double chocolate chip cookie, he looked at me with such indignation it was like I had just asked him for a kidney. Then he promptly shook his head, making it clear that such a request was not to be entertained.

“Please…pretty please? Can mommy have it?”

“NO. CANNOT. Baby Theo eat.”

So I did what any self-respecting mom would do, I pretended to try to eat it from his hand as he was clutching it. I didn’t succeed because of his lightning fast reflexes but he immediately acted like I had taken away both his kidneys and his firstborn child. There much weeping and gnashing of teeth.

He only finally stopped after I double pinky promised that I wouldn’t take away his food and offered another whole cookie as restitution.

Nobody comes between this baby and his food, is what I’m saying.

I love that this boy loves food and he’s such a joy to feed (I’ve never had a baby clap in glee when I made a grilled cheese sandwich) but I think maybe it’s time to introduce a diet program. This will not be fun. :(