walking to induce birth

If I disappear, you know where to find me

April 26, 2010

This is not really a post as much as a desperate SOS and a final note in case I disappear from the blogosphere completely tomorrow. And I’m not even *really* kidding. Seriously, if I suddenly stop blogging, somebody CALL THE COPS. Because I’m likely to be held captive by the creepy stalker loitering at my void deck. So I’m leaving a trail of bread crumbs on the Internet so that you know where to find me before I get fed to wolves. The key word here is before, in case you’re wondering.

Obviously I can’t post his *actual* photo here because it’s like asking to be kidnapped but he looks something like this.

creepy old dude

For several days, I’ve noticed a middle-aged guy with a walking aid idling at the benches downstairs. It’s not like handicapped people make me uncomfortable or anything, but handicapped old dudes who stare at me while I’m carrying two kids give me the creeps.

Also, I have a nagging suspicion that he’s not really handicapped, like the guy in the Usual Suspects who walks with a limp throughout the show but actually can run faster than Forrest Gump. You know, like a decoy to throw you off and make you think they’re really slow but then suddenly they pull some deadly ninja moves when you least expect it. Yeah, exactly like that. But then society frowns on attacking random handicapped people even if I know that they’re bluffing so it’s not like I can expose him. Thanks a lot, society for the physically disabled, you just signed my death warrant.

Every time I come home with the kids, he’s there with his fake walking aid and creepy eyes just staring at me. I suppose it’s not everyday that you see a frazzled woman carrying two babies and a giant bag at the same time and I would probably stare too but wait a minute, you do see me carrying all that everyday and you still stare. All. the. time.

Like this afternoon, I brought Tru down to tidy up the car and pick up the crumbs before it gets infested by pests and lo and behold, the creepy old dude was there again. Pretending to do some stretching exercises on his walking implement as usual and of course, I could see him staring at us as we walked past. 15 minutes later, we’re done cleaning up the car and he was still there waiting for us to come back. The moment we walked past, he quickly got up and followed us to the lift.

My momma always told me not to enter the lift with creepy guys so I distracted Tru with some excuse of going to the playground and sure enough, creepy old dude ambled back to his usual spot to do more exercises. At which point, I promptly grabbed Tru and ran into the lift, jabbing violently at the door closing button.

The husband says he lives in our block with his kids and is probably harmless but he obviously haven’t watched Silence of the Lambs because the craziest psychopaths are the ones who live down the street. Ok, so the kids downstairs seem to know him and I’ve seen them saying hi to him from time to time but it doesn’t make him any less creepy and I’m still calling his bluff on the handicap. One of these days I’m going to take his photo just to show you what I mean but it’s kind of difficult to take a discreet photo of someone who is staring right at you. Especially not when I’m carrying a kid in each arm. Also, I really don’t want to encourage the staring just in case he thinks I’m into him too and am taking his picture as a memento.

I’m getting some pepper spray tomorrow.

by Daphne

Funny or So I think, lists you should paste on your fridge, pregnancy, sexytime, stuff best described as not safe for parents

Birth induction methods you may (not) want to try

June 25, 2009

a glass of wine may help

It was exactly this time during my first pregnancy that I gave birth to Tru. 38 weeks on the dot. But that was a c-section so I could pick an auspicious date to give birth. Waiting for the contractions to kick in is totally different. I feel so powerless. I’ve got my baby bag and all the baby stuff all ready and packed and it’s like waiting for Santa Claus to appear on Christmas eve. The anticipation is killing me. It’s my control-freak nature kicking in and I just need to know exactly when it’s gonna happen.

Apparently for VBAC, a medical induction of labor increases the chance of womb rupture so it’s off limits. But I hear there are a few ways to induce birth and give the baby a little push as it were. It’s called ripening the cervix (it’s true!)

1. Acupuncture

It’s a tried and tested method by the Chinese and it’s supposed to be highly effective. Back when women used to bind their feet and slice off their pinkies, they realized that somehow jabbing a bunch of needles into various parts of the body triggers the contractions. It’s ingenious, don’t you think?

But seeing that pain avoidance is one of my life’s goals, acupuncture is in my list of Top 10 things NOT to do before I die (along with bungee jumping and eating fire).

2. Castor Oil

It’s a quick and painless method. Just take a few spoonfuls of it neat and wait a few minutes for it to take effect. It’s primarily a laxative, so there’s that nasty side effect where you lose all control of your bowels and start crapping involuntarily. It’s probably good if you hate the gynae/nurse and want to use it as a way to give them nightmares for days.

There’s no guarantee that it will work though, so you may just end up with a severe case of diarrhea.

3. Walking

This sounds pretty harmless. How it works is that it puts pressure on the cervix, causing it to dilate. Anyway it’s the kind of thing you can try without worrying about nasty side effects.

4. Nipple Stimulation

Touted as one of the most effective methods of natural induction, it’s definitely one of the most wildly popular. Mostly because no dude will turn down an invitation to engage in some nipple stimulation – “Boom-chica-wow-wow”.

But seriously, this causes a release of oxytocin, which causes contractions and lead to labor. (See, I’m not a total airhead, I actually know words like oxytocin)

5. Sexytime

As they say, what gets it in also gets it out. (who says that kind of thing anyway?) This is the next most popular method of birth induction, following closely behind the nipple stimulation.

The difference is, while most women are willing to tolerate some mild discomfort to the boobs, certain invasive methods at 38 weeks of pregnancy are too much of a hassle. There’s also the whole foreplay thing to contend with, and by the time there’s any action, you’re way too exhausted for the time to be the least bit sexy. And the focus is to get something out of there, not put something in, if you get what I mean.

I suppose the best thing to do is to sit around and wait till the baby is good and ready to come out. There’s a Chinese saying that goes something like “When the fruit is ready, it will fall off the vine”. Meaning that there’s no point rushing nature, cos all you’re going to end up with is an unripe fruit. Don’t ask me what that means. It’s too deep for my 38-week-pregnant brain.

If it’s up to me, Kirsten will be born on the 4th of July. So who knows, there might be some serious action on the 3rd. Woohoo!

by Daphne