Part 1 is right here.
I made a home video that is sure to be the next big hit. It’s got a baby and a dog. And Lauryn Hill. And a half-naked man.
All the ingredients for a massive hit.
httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2j8D_rTffI
PS. Seriously, please ignore the semi-naked person in the background. We were trying to avoid it, which explains why Tru’s head was cut off during some parts.
Ever wondered where babies learn all their naughty stuff from? I’m constantly amazed by the kinds of nonsense Tru is capable of conjuring on a daily basis. He recites this motto every morning. “I solemnly swear that I will be up to no good.”
I thought it was a given that I’ll be able to preempt his moves, since my superbrain is like 10,000 times more powerful than his. But I’ll be honest. More often than not, I’m caught totally off-guard, gaping at his ingenuity. I’d like to take credit for it, but it’s certainly not from me, and unless a gnome is secretly having mischief lessons with him in the dead of the night, I’m completely stumped.
For example, whenever he does something naughty, he will laugh like this. “HA HA HA” (complete with mocking tone). It’s not a giggle nor a grin. It’s more like a cross between a smirk and a taunt, as if he knows he’s got the upper hand and he’s rubbing it in my face.
He’s also learnt to recognize locations. Whenever he’s at Grandma’s house, he knows he can get away with murder (as opposed to being put on trial at home). In the hierarchy chain, he seems to know that Grandma trumps Mommy and he’s got her all nicely wound around his little pinky.
Whenever he gets nagged at or scolded, he’ll take his tiny hands and cover the offending person’s mouth. Somehow, he’s worked out that the sound coming out from there is highly unpleasant, and he needs to put a stop to it.
And for his finishing move. When he knows he’s in deep trouble (the kind that will result in an ass-whipping), he’ll snuggle his head on your chest and hug you real tight as if to say “I’m sor-wee I was naughty, and I just want you to know that I love you so much.”
The baby discipline books all say the same thing. Laughing encourages bad behavior. Kids know that as long as parents laugh at their misdemeanors, they are less likely to get spanked. But it’s not that easy to remain deadpan in the face of such brilliance. I try to keep a straight face, but then Tru will suddenly burst out giggling like it’s the funniest thing in the world, and all my disciplinary efforts will be down the drain.
I think I’ll have to send him for obedience classes with Mickey the next time around.
For some strange reason, Tru seems to LOVE dogs. And I never quite understood why. Every time he sees a dog, big or small, he’ll want to go pat and hug them. Which is translated into: he’ll yank their fur and smack them on the nose, but I’m pretty sure it’s his way of showing affection. (I should know, I’ve got battle scars to show for it)
Except that my mom’s got this 6-year-old West Highland Terrier, Mickey, who is absolutely terrified of thunderstorms and babies. So I’ll watch this classic case of unrequited love replay itself over and over again.
Scene 1:
Enters Mickey.
Tru grins and starts to crawl towards him. “Watachar katatechj”
(Muahaha! Fur-grabbing time)
Mickey growls and walks away, muttering “Grrrr, grrrrr, grrrrr”
(Aaarrrggghhhhhhhhhhhhh)
Tru follows closely behind.
Exeunt
It’s tragic, I know. Until one dark and stormy afternoon, love suddenly blossoms.
*Cue cheesy music*
Apparently, between the two evils, the storm is way more terrifying, so Mickey turns to Tru for comfort. As the lightning cracked outside the window, his life flashed before his eyes and he realized that the love of his life was right there all along.
*More cheesy music*
Like every other love story, it ends with Tru and Mickey snuggling in bed and falling asleep. And they live happily every after.
The End
