It’s not for me, obviously, because I smell wonderful all the time. But seriously, I need a cure for a severe case of bag lady odor. And I need more constructive comments than moth balls and talcum powder.
See, it’s actually for my baby girl. My beautiful baby girl, whom I love to bits. Who also smells like a bag lady every morning. And not just any ordinary bag lady but the kind that has been living in an attic for the past 25 years surviving solely on the fungi she grew in her armpits. Yeah, *that* kinda bag lady.
It’s bizarre, really. Every night she goes to bed all clean and smelling like rainbows and strawberries. Then 7 hours in her cot (in an air-conditioned room, mind you), she wakes up and… BAG LADY. It’s not even the smell of body odor after a vigorous workout, which would be perfectly normal seeing how she squirms and grunts all night. But it’s the unmistakable smell of an 85-year-old lady who’s lived in an attic. I kid you not.
I suppose it’s not a big deal because it does go away after a shower, but for a little lady, that’s just not cool. I mean, ok, if it’s just a phase that goes away after a while, that’s fine and Mama can find a way to not pass out while picking her up in the morning. But what if it never goes away and even when she’s 25, she still has to rush to the toilet every morning to ward off the bag lady odor. I feel for the dude who becomes my son-in-law and wakes up on their honeymoon to his grand-aunt Ingrid.
I tried googling it, but nobody seems to have that problem, so I guess I’m all on my own here. Any suggestions would be helpful.
Oh wait, Kirsten, if you’re reading this and wondering why no boy is asking you out, Mommy tried her best and it’s just incurable. The best shot you got is hoping that these nice people will find a way to make the smell disappear.
