Browsing Tag

gynae

pregnancy

Gynaes – Male or Female?

June 26, 2009

the doctor will see you now

I never quite put much thought into the whole male/female gynae issue. Maybe because female gynaes are severely outnumbered, I just decided to go with a male one (who’s pushing 70 I think). At first, I was definitely uncomfortable with the idea that some random dude would be well-acquainted with certain body parts, but then again, having some random chick do it is just as bad.

I have friends whose husbands will not let them go to a male gynae. As if he’s going to pull a fast one and try some monkey business. Ok, seriously, it’s not a pretty sight, and these gynaes are looking at body parts all day. I doubt they are going to pay much attention unless you happen to have some unusually large growth attached to your ass.

Even then, that’s not hot.

Good thing the husband was around for all the gynae visits, so it mostly felt like I was some specimen on display. There would be the gynae, the husband and 2 nurses standing around while I was being poked and prodded.

And of course the delivery was the absolute worst. I swear I have no sense of modesty left. In total, there were at least 10 people bustling around in the operating theater while I was sliced open like a piece of meat. I was too stoned from the epidural to care, but on retrospect, it does put everything into perspective. All I cared about was getting the baby out and then getting all sewn up nicely.

That was just the c-section experience. I hear that during vaginal delivery, all that pushing makes u defecate all over the delivery bed in front of a whole bunch of strangers. The thought of it alone is too embarrassing for words, which is why I’m going to stop eating 2 days before my EDD. I don’t mind the slicing, but I draw the line at crapping my guts out on the table. I mean, just think about the smell.

But that’s the thing. For those guys, it’s just their job. Some folks work with computers and some work with vaginas. At the end of the day, it’s all the same. Except more gross, I guess. I really feel sorry for the nurses that have to clean up after the whole debacle is over. Till this day, just cleaning my son’s ass is enough to make me regurgitate (I totally can’t keep a straight face).

Anyhow, I don’t know if there’s a difference between male and female gynaes cos all the ones I’ve tried so far are guys who are so old I’m surprised they can hold a scalpel with steady hands. Do the poll below -in favor of dudes/chicks checking out your itsy bits? and I’d love to hear if you’ve got a weird experience with either.

[poll id=4]

by Daphne

Labour Pain Relief Measures

June 12, 2009

Yesterday was one of my final few visits to the gynae. Kirsten is doing well. She says hi, but I shan’t bore you with more ultrasound pics that look exactly the same as the last one. Anyway, it was time to discuss my birthing plan and decide on pain management options during the labor.

When Tru was born, I didn’t have to go through the whole labor process. I was at the gynae’s office for a routine check in the morning and decided on that day to have the c-section at 5 in the evening. No bursting of water bag, no contractions, none of that drama that makes the whole process so exciting. The only thing even mildly interesting was the fact that I snuck out for a final decent meal despite being told that I wasn’t supposed to eat before the surgery. I couldn’t bear the thought of not having real food for the next month without any mental preparation.

The experience was rather sterile actually. I was given an epidural to numb the nerves from waist down (which HURT LIKE CRAZY) and after that, I pretty much just stared at the lights above the operating table while the OBGYN did his thing.

This time, I’m determined to go experience what it’s like to push a child out from my va-jay-jay and do the whole crazy woman scream with sweat pouring down my face thing. It’ll be so much more fun.

So the birthing plan goes like this. When the water bag bursts and I start contracting, I’m going to take a shower, wash my hair, grab some ice-cream, drop Tru at my mom’s place and then fly down to the hospital. The moment I get in, I’m start hollering for an epidural (when else can I get away with screaming at people just for the fun of it?) and demand for ice chips, magazines and my Nintendo DS. With the epi, it’s practically a walk in the park after that. I only hope I don’t poop on the table.

Props to the gynae for keeping a straight face when he heard my plan. And double props for actually agreeing to go along. He says it’s my delivery, I should get to do it my way, as long as I don’t insist on giving birth at home.

He did however, ask me to consider the various pain management options before I decide. So I’m considering.

and the greatest of these..is silent birth

1. Deep breathing.

Seriously. Deep breathing. The only way breathing is going to take away any pain is if I take a deep breath and hold it in forever. Then I might pass out and die and feel no pain. Other than that, deep breathing is rubbish. I did hear some new age, mind-over-matter techniques that can reduce pain. You’re supposed to take deep breaths, close your eyes and imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Yeah, right.

2. Laughing gas.

its funny, i'm in so much pain but i don't seem to care?

There’s nothing funny about it though. The effect is like smoking weed – it makes you high and you can then actually imagine your cervix opening up like a flower. Or a butterfly. Or the mouth of a giant T-rex eating up half of Singapore. The thing is, some say it doesn’t actually block the pain, it just makes your brain a little fuzzy in the hope that the pain signals get all mixed up and gets sent to your big toe instead of your cerebral cortex. Except that when it doesn’t work, you end up being high and in a lot of pain. Not a good combination.

3. Epidural

the epidural needle, actual size

This is the only method that is guaranteed to take away the pain. But to administer the epidural hurts big time. They have to inject a tube into the spine in order to pump in the meds, so at the end of the day, it’s a matter of using pain to counteract the pain. But once it kicks in, you can practically chill out, have a cuppa and read a book while your cervix will take its time to open up like a flower without having to imagine it into existence.

I’ve got a fourth method which I’ve worked out with the husband. After I get to the hospital, he’s supposed to knock me out with a small dose of chloroform and pretend that I’m asleep while the doctor administers the epi. Once it’s all good, I’ll wake up and deliver Kirsten without any pain at all. We’re still in the process of determining the right amount of chloroform to use. The last trial run, I was out for 2 days, so we’ll probably have to dilute it a bit more.

Just make sure you don’t try this at home.

by Daphne

pregnancy

Do I really want to bore you with ultrasound pictures?

May 14, 2009

I’m crazy about babies. Probably more than the average human being. I’m the kind of passer-by that stops dead in my tracks and goes all googly-eyed at cute babies on the street. I once had a collection of Anne Geddes babies that would rotate daily on my wallpaper (till it suddenly dawned upon me that some of the pictures were a bit creepy).

Now, when I first saw Tru’s ultrasound photo, I honestly didn’t know how to react. There was this black mass staring back at me, and it looked nothing like all the cute babies I’ve been visualizing. He’s a stunning boy now, but back then, he was a cross between a giant-headed prawn and a martian. I was also secretly worried that he’ll come out all squishy and scary-looking. Before you tsk, tsk at me, I know moms are supposed to love their kids unconditionally, but deep down inside, we all hope our kids are drop-dead gorgeous.

Needless to say, I’m not a fan of collecting ultrasound pictures, even when they’re of my kids. Half the time, I can’t make out which is the head or bum. I was at the gynae yesterday taking a look at Kiki (until I find a better nickname) and my obgyn was patiently pointing out her various body parts. I had half a mind to tell him the scan looked nothing like an elbow or a head, but I I didn’t want to seem like a bad mother, so I did the usual mom thing and raved about how cute she was.

But that being said, I like my gynae visits. Looking at the ultrasound and listening to her heartbeat makes it seem like she’s really there. I know it’s bizarre, since she makes her presence felt by jabbing me in the kidney or bladder ever so often, but being able to see her makes it so much more real, which in turn makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

Incidentally, despite my best efforts to keep her small, I’ve been informed that Kirsten is weighing in on the big side. (I hope she’s not fat when she grows up) I’ve got the remaining 8 weeks to starve her in order to have a serious shot at VBAC (or Vaginal Birth After Cesarean, for the less informed). Another C-section will kill all hopes of having 7 kids, so I’m going to have to squeeze her out of my pelvis one way or the other. Which also means I’ll be having severe durian withdrawal until after the delivery.

Anyway, to spread the love, here’s a sneak preview of how the little princess will look like. (Use a bit of imagination, will you?)

face

by Daphne

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