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depression

motherhood

Why does it always rain on me

August 5, 2009

why does it always rain on me

Barely halfway into the week and I’m down with a bout of the flu. Granted, it’s been that kind of week that doesn’t seem to end, as opposed to the kind of week where I try to savor every moment. God, I haven’t had one of those for a long time. These days, it’s all like “drats, it’s Monday again” followed by a dramatically anguished sigh that Shakespeare would be proud of. Or he may just roll over in his grave. Which is kinda the same thing.

But I digress. After taking a beating by motherhood (x2) for two days, I think my body has just had about enough and started to go on strike. My immune system, I think it’s gone for a holiday in the Bahamas because I’ve subjected it to too much torture. It’s probably never going to come back. So the whole of yesterday, I felt the familiar beginnings of a flu and I got more depressed than ever. My throat was on fire and I was trying to hold back the sniffles so I wouldn’t pass on the germs to the kids (and also so that I wouldn’t get nagged at for falling ill during my confinement – which is a whole different issue altogether). I was so paranoid that I was scrubbing my hands every 5 minutes like Jack Nicholson from As Good As It Gets. Yeah, I love OCD.

And the nagging. So apparently, falling ill during the confinement is like the mother of all cardinal sins because according to the Chinese, all flu is caused by wind or water or some other bizarre elements. It’s got nothing to do with say, the friggin’ H1N1 bug skulking around the country world right now, or the fact that my immunity is understandably AWOL because I’ve been pulling 23 straight all-nighters. I can’t even curse the wind because it’s wind and it would probably come back and freeze my ass off at some point in the future.

So today, the kids are at my mom’s place taking refuge while I try to sleep off this bug. It’s such an irony though. Now that they’re not with me, I miss them like crazy and I wish I wasn’t ill so I could at least smother them with kisses. That always makes me feel better.

I’m all drugged up like a junkie and in a state of delirium so this will probably not make any sense and if you’re lost, just check back tomorrow when my head is less fuzzy and my hands have stopped trembling. Hopefully.

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kids inc

Sleep is for the weak

July 21, 2009

Sleep is for the weak

I forgot how fun it is to take care of a newborn. I’ve gotten so used to Tru that I’ve taken it for granted that he sleeps peacefully through the night in his own room, feeds without fussing and does all kinds of cute stuff to cheer me up.

Is it bad that every moment of every day, I wish Kirsten will grow up sooner? It’s just been a week into her birth and I’m exhibiting all the signs of a sleep-deprived wreck.

My days and nights have been broken into 2.5 hour cycles of struggling to breastfeed (45 mins), bottle-feeding (30 mins), expressing milk (30 mins) and 45 mins to do whatever else need to be done at home. And there’s the insomnia. I’d try to lie down to catch forty winks intermittently through the day, but it usually takes me a good 30 mins to fall asleep. Then before I know it, Kirsten is screaming again.

When I’m awake, I hardly have the time or energy to spend quality moments with Tru and I feel awful about that too. He’s been a real trooper, entertaining himself and being real cooperative. Sometimes he would take a toy to me, indicating that he wants to play while I’m feeding Kirsten, and I’d be all frazzled like “Later, Tru, Mommy’s busy right now”. And right after, I would feel so bad that I’ll spend the next 15 mins bawling my eyes out. Even though he’s right there, I really miss my boy. I hope he doesn’t feel like I’m neglecting him.

Just last night, I slept a total of 90 mins because Kirsten was having a blast pooping on me and fussing and refusing to latch on again. Every feed its like a game of roulette, I have no idea if she’s going to latch on or suckle for 30 seconds before screaming or just start wailing the moment she touches my breast.

Now that the milk is in, I have no idea what else to do to make her feed direct from the breast. I’ll probably give myself till next Mon to keep trying. Its just too insane having to take so any extra steps expressing and formula-feeding and having to force her to latch on.

The depression is also causing me to lose all appetite, which is probably a good thing in the weigh-loss department. But I’ve gotta eat if I want to breastfeed, so I’m forcing down food even though I feel like throwing up half the time.

I need to sleep, but the end is nowhere in sight. I’m starting to hallucinate and become incoherent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy to have 2 kids back to back. It seemed like such a good idea back then, and I was so sure I’d be able to handle it. But I’m up to my eyeballs as it is, and sooner or later, something’s gotta give. I just hope its not my sanity.

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how i pretend to be a cool mum, lists you should paste on your fridge, side effects of motherhood, unqualified parenting tips

Recession-Proof Mommy (Part 2)

May 3, 2009

10 tips to stretch your dollar without compromising on quality (continuation):

6. Scout the newspapers for discounts and promotions.

Supermarkets often advertise their promotions in the papers and a quick browse through everyday will save you quite a bit. I used to mock those who cut out supermarket coupons and promotional codes, but it’s retribution, because I’ve been hoarding coupons like a bag lady.

But look who’s laughing now. I know where to get the best prices for all my essentials, which leaves me more money to buy non-essentials like my Coach baby bag.

7. Rent it.

Instead of buying items that you’ll not need for a long time, try renting it for a couple of months. In the first 3 months after the baby is born, a co-sleeper cot comes in very handy for those midnight feeds. With the cot right beside your bed, you can reach out and grab the baby, feed, and put him back without even having to get out of bed. But items like these lasts for a few months at most, and you’ll have to upgrade to a regular cot, which makes rental a very feasible option.

You can also rent toys for your kids to play with and rotate them on a monthly basis since they get bored of the same old toys very quickly anyway.

8. Most expensive is not always best.

It’s all a marketing ploy to make us think that costly items are far superior than the cheaper alternatives, but the truth is, a significant bulk of the cost goes to paying for advertising and branding. When choosing milk powder and baby food, what’s more important is the nutritional value and how your baby reacts to it.

Likewise, for other stuff like clothes and toys, look for suitability rather than blindly buy the most expensive item on the shelves. I’ve come to realize that Tru prefers playing with tissues, keys, insects and dirt way more than his very expensive toys.

9. Join a library or a book club.

Education is very important and mothers these days start reading to their kids at birth. Hah, but we started even before Tru was born, so he’s going to be like the most ingenious genius around, so there. Instead of buying books, I bring him to the library to pick out a few books to read.

Book clubs are also a brilliant way to start your child on reading programs. Mothers usually gather to share books and conduct storytelling sessions. So while your kids are distracted, you get to chill out with other moms over a cuppa and some scones.

10. Shop at thrift stores or flea markets.

I know it sounds terribly un – g.l.a.m.o.r.o.u.s, but before you go all Fergie on me, I’m pretty sure flea markets don’t actually have fleas (at least, not all the time). Once in a while, you’ll find some really good deals at these places, but you have to look past the grime and see the potential.

A friend of mine managed to buy a whole kitchen play set (RP: $150) for $10. It did take some cleaning up, but after that, it was almost as good as new. Even if you paid a cleaner $10 to wash it, it’s still a steal.

So what I’m trying to say is that being a mother is not that tough nor expensive. All it takes is a little bit of ingenuity plus lots of creativity, and you’ll be recession-proof in no time. And in the unlikely event that all 10 tips fail, it’s not the end of the world. McDonalds is always looking for people to flip patties.

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