First of all, I’m probably the only parent who will let my kids do this in Ikea. Because there are so many things that could go wrong here, and it’s like I’m just asking for someone to get hurt. Like fingers getting stuck, locks acting up and locking them inside, heads getting knocked, the list is extensive.
But you have to admit, it is too cute. This is exactly why people pay to watch little Chinese acrobatic kids fold themselves into tiny spaces. Within minutes, a small crowd had gathered to watch them crawl in and out of the lockers, with many whipping out their mobile phones for a photo. For real.
So there they were, milking the attention for all it was worth, giggling and doing their peekaboos; pretty much having a whale of a time.
It was all fun until somebody got hurt real bad. And by somebody, I mean me. It all started when Kirsten got her finger stuck and I rushed over to rescue her. As I picked her up, my head came crashing into the edge of the open locker door at the highest tier with a loud bang. But of course, baby girl was more important so I was fussing over her finger while simultaneously rubbing my head when after a while, I saw my whole palm filled with blood.
In all my 28 years, I’ve never bled from the head before and I was pretty sure that’s not a good sign. Also, I was feeling a little woozy from the pain so I just sat there for 15 minutes holding a bag of ice to my head, never mind the fact that I looked like a nutjob.
After an hour of bleeding, I decided to go the doctor to have it checked out, hoping to not have to stitch it up.
Doctor: I’m going to have to stitch this up.
Me: Can’t we like put some cream on it and let me go home?
Doctor: No, unless you want it to get infected and swollen, then you will have to come back.
Me: Does that mean you have to jab me right in the head?
Doctor: Yes, the jab will numb the pain and you won’t feel anything. I’ll also need to give you a tetanus jab.
Me: Isn’t there like a painless way to do this? Like cream?
Doctor: When you knock yourself on the head, this is what happens. You will have to deal with the pain.
Me: True. Then will you give me the tetanus jab in the head where it’s numb?
Doctor: No.
Me: I think I’m going home. I’m gonna risk the infection rather than have a needle stuck in my head.
Doctor: It won’t hurt, just count to 20. You will only feel some mild discomfort when I give you the first jab.
*Every single time a doctor has told me “it won’t hurt”, it has ALWAYS hurt like hell, so I wasn’t really convinced.
The whole time, my sister was sitting there giggling and enjoying seeing a needle get stuck in my brain so I had to man up and take it. FYI, it was insanely painful and it felt exactly like someone sticking a needle in your head. Mild discomfort is when I pick out a big piece of booger. This is nothing like that at all.
As if the pain was not bad enough, I had to watch him snip off a handful of hair “so it won’t get stuck to the wound”. Great, now I have to suffer the indignity of having to choose between a bald patch and a toupee.
Me: Try not to cut off too much, take off as little as you can ok.
Doctor: It’s ok, you can use the rest of your hair to cover it up.
Me: That’s not a good option. Can I even wash my hair?
Doctor: Yes, but not like they do it in the commercials. Try to be gentle when you wash.
That was a total bummer because I *only* wash my hair like I’m filming a commercial, vigorous hair flick and all. I mean, I already have a bald patch, the least you could do is let a girl have her movie star hair wash.
Lesson learnt: when you’re bleeding from the head, it means you’re pretty much screwed.
Updated: PS When I said that this year, I was going to embrace pain, this wasn’t what I had in mind. Not quite so literally. I think I’ve hit my pain quota for the month, thankyouverymuch.
PPS Tru knocked his head very gently on the bed today and said “Mommy my head very PAIN, got blood. I need to put ice pack.”
