When folks find out that I’m a stay home mom with a 15 month old toddler and a 2 month old infant AND no maid, they have one of the following reactions.
1. Wide-eyed wonder. “Are you out of your mind? (Like WHY ARE YOU EVEN HAVING KIDS BACK TO BACK? Haven’t you heard of birth control, woman?)”
2. Sympathy. “I feel for you, I truly do. But seriously, go get some birth control.”
3. More sympathy. “Poor thing, betcha can’t find a job and you’re just sitting your ass down at home chilling out instead of contributing to our sluggish economy.” (Oh, trust me, I am contributing. It’s called shopping.)
So they want to know how I do it. What really goes on in this war zone I call home. Weekends notwithstanding because Superdad is around to take over, I am solely responsible for the well-being of my little munchkins (down with the wicked witch!).
I usually start my day with a cold shower – for the sleep deprivation, a cuppa – for the nerves, and a hair net – for the crazy hair. I also try to clear my system in the morning because that’s all the toilet action I’ll be having for the day. And then the fun begins.
5.30 – Express Milk. Engorgement is usually at its worst so it takes a good hour to clear the ducts.
6.45 – Kirsten wakes up for milk.
7.30 – Tru wakes up for milk. Kirsten goes back to bed.
8.15 – Breakfast with the husband and Tru.
8.45 – Superdad goes to work. More milk expressing.
9.45 – Tru goes down for his nap. Kirsten wakes up for a feed.
10.30 – Shower and play time for Kirsten while I cook lunch for Tru.
11.30 – Kirsten goes back to bed and I blitz around the house trying to squeeze in the laundry and cleaning.
12.00 – Tru wakes up in time for lunch. I feed him while expressing my milk.
1.00 – Tru’s bath time, followed by an hour of song and dance. This is where I perfect my Mickey Mouse impressions.
2.00 – Kirsten wakes up for a feed and I have 2 kids thronging me for attention.
2.30 – Tru takes his second nap. (He usually plays in his cot alone for 30 mins before sleeping) Play time with Kirsten. Here’s where I show off my already perfected Mother Goose impressions, complete with high-pitched Nursery Rhymes and storytelling. Mostly, she just looks at me like I’m off my rocker. See what I did there? Pun totally intended.
3.30 – Kirsten goes back to sleep. I shove some food down my throat and express milk at the same time, followed by a quick shower.
4. 30 – Tru wakes up. TV time on Playhouse Disney.
5.00 – Kirsten wakes up for milk and Tru runs amok in the living room.
5.30 – Tru takes his dinner while Kirsten rocks out to her cot mobile.
6.30 – Kirsten goes back to bed and Tru takes shower #2.
7.00 – Tru goes to bed for the night. You would think here’s when I finally get to prop my legs up, let my hair down and pat myself on the back for another day survived. But you’d be wrong, because 7pm is the witching hour for my sweet little baby girl. Every night at a certain hour, she will wake from her stupor and turn into the Bride of Chucky and no amount of love and attention will pacify her. So she’s practically stuck to my hip screaming from 7-11, sometimes 12. The strangest thing is once it hits midnight, she turns back into a little angel and falls asleep without the slightest whimper.
12.00 – Kirsten gets her last feed, I express my milk and crawl slowly into bed.
And all this is considered a good day, which happens like once a week. On bad days, there will be tantrums, food slinging, vomiting, screaming, yelling and kicking. I told you, it’s the toughest job in the world.
