Browsing Tag

baby kirsten

kids inc

Second time’s a charm

July 30, 2009

It’s true what they say – experience counts for a lot. Being a mother a second time around, I am enjoying the process a lot more. Sure, I did some extensive research before Tru was born; gathering reading material, birthing videos, getting advice from other moms, but none of those really prepared me for the real thing. I remember during the first month postpartum, I was on the verge of breaking down countless times. I had no idea what to do with a screaming baby and motherhood was way too overwhelming. To be honest, there were days that I just wanted to run away and hide under a small rock in Disneyland. All I could think of everyday was OH GOD PLEASE LET THIS END.

Then against my better judgment, I went out and did it again. This time around, it’s been dare I say it, almost enjoyable. Thanks to the blasted hormones, the blues were inevitable, but it seems to have subsided somewhat and I feel stronger than I ever did. Even though it’s much crazier with 2 in the picture, I’m somehow managing to stay afloat and still take a gander at the scenery along the way. Granted, I swallow a few gulps of water here and there, but I ain’t drowning yet.

Like yesterday, I was expressing my milk while running after the two kids and in the process spilt an entire bottle of milk. It’s not that big a deal and it’s probably happened to many mothers but it’s the kind of thing that makes you lose it a little bit. I just stood there for half a minute trying to take deep breaths and count to ten, all the while thinking of all the expletives to describe the situation. You know like this episode of Friends, where Phoebe let out a whole string of profanities in slow mo (see below). But I looked at the kids looking at me and I let out a giant sigh, wiped up the spilt milk and carried on with my day.

httpv://www.youtube.com/watch?v=68U7SAFsaEM

The point is that on any given day, my life is made up of moments. The good and the bad, sometimes happening all at once. The best thing to do is to just roll with it and not sweat the small stuff. No breast milk, there’s always formula and one feed less isn’t going to hurt. If the house is in a mess, that’s fine. The kids are screaming, they’ll get over it. Just roll with the punches.

And when you least expect it, you get a moment that makes you stop and smile and go all fuzzy inside. A moment kinda like this.

Tru kissing Kirsten. It happens about 20 times a day.

by Daphne

kids inc

Sleep is for the weak

July 21, 2009

Sleep is for the weak

I forgot how fun it is to take care of a newborn. I’ve gotten so used to Tru that I’ve taken it for granted that he sleeps peacefully through the night in his own room, feeds without fussing and does all kinds of cute stuff to cheer me up.

Is it bad that every moment of every day, I wish Kirsten will grow up sooner? It’s just been a week into her birth and I’m exhibiting all the signs of a sleep-deprived wreck.

My days and nights have been broken into 2.5 hour cycles of struggling to breastfeed (45 mins), bottle-feeding (30 mins), expressing milk (30 mins) and 45 mins to do whatever else need to be done at home. And there’s the insomnia. I’d try to lie down to catch forty winks intermittently through the day, but it usually takes me a good 30 mins to fall asleep. Then before I know it, Kirsten is screaming again.

When I’m awake, I hardly have the time or energy to spend quality moments with Tru and I feel awful about that too. He’s been a real trooper, entertaining himself and being real cooperative. Sometimes he would take a toy to me, indicating that he wants to play while I’m feeding Kirsten, and I’d be all frazzled like “Later, Tru, Mommy’s busy right now”. And right after, I would feel so bad that I’ll spend the next 15 mins bawling my eyes out. Even though he’s right there, I really miss my boy. I hope he doesn’t feel like I’m neglecting him.

Just last night, I slept a total of 90 mins because Kirsten was having a blast pooping on me and fussing and refusing to latch on again. Every feed its like a game of roulette, I have no idea if she’s going to latch on or suckle for 30 seconds before screaming or just start wailing the moment she touches my breast.

Now that the milk is in, I have no idea what else to do to make her feed direct from the breast. I’ll probably give myself till next Mon to keep trying. Its just too insane having to take so any extra steps expressing and formula-feeding and having to force her to latch on.

The depression is also causing me to lose all appetite, which is probably a good thing in the weigh-loss department. But I’ve gotta eat if I want to breastfeed, so I’m forcing down food even though I feel like throwing up half the time.

I need to sleep, but the end is nowhere in sight. I’m starting to hallucinate and become incoherent. Sometimes I wonder if I’m crazy to have 2 kids back to back. It seemed like such a good idea back then, and I was so sure I’d be able to handle it. But I’m up to my eyeballs as it is, and sooner or later, something’s gotta give. I just hope its not my sanity.

by Daphne

pregnancy

24 Season 2: A very long engagement

July 14, 2009

After a 27 hour ordeal, it’s all finally over. And via natural birth too! I’ll describe the experience at length later, but here’s how it went.

12 July 2009, Sunday

10.00 – Admitted to the hospital for Induction, hooked up to the CTG machine to monitor the contractions and baby’s heartbeat.

12.00 – Prostin Inserted. Not fun at all.

14.00 – Irregular contractions. Brought up to the ward to rest. I was all like “if this is how contractions feel like, I don’t think I even need epidural. No sweat at all.” And then I spent the afternoon watching movies on my laptop.

18.00 – Hooked up to the CTG again. Contractions 7-8 minutes apart, but still irregular.

22.00 – Supposed to go for second round of Prosstin to increase contractions, but managed to escape since contractions are up to once in 3 minutes. Wheeled in to delivery suite.

22.30 – Abused by psycho nurse who came in to check my cervix (only 1 cm). I was absolutely livid with rage.

23.00 – Had to eat my words – in loads of pain. Injected with Pethidine (in my thigh) for pain relief.

13 July 2009, Monday

01.00 – Epidural inserted. HURTS LIKE HELL. Epidural sucks.

03.00 – Oxytocin injected to induce contractions again. Contractions still fluctuating between once every 5-8 minutes. By this time, I was kinda drifting in and out of sleep. Cervix still at 1 cm.

09.00 – Gynae dropped by for a consult. Cervix at 3 cm. He says it’s gonna be a long labor, as if it’s not been long enough. If there’s no sign of progress in 8 hours, I’ll have to go for another c-section.

12.00 – Somehow the epidural only got channeled to the right side, and my entire left side was in excruciating pain. Contractions coming hard and fast and I was all worked up screaming for pain relief. I seriously thought I was about to die. Literally.

12.15 – Hot, young anesthetist came with more epidural. Pity I didn’t notice because I was having a near-death experience. The husband says he’s hot, and that I wasn’t dying. But he obviously doesn’t know anything cos he wasn’t pushing a baby out of his bits.

12.30 – Cervix at 9 cm. All I could think about was that something feels like it’s dropping out and I need to take a massive crap.

13.30 – After a lot of pushing and shoving (and an episiotomy), Kirsten finally came out with a plop.

It was totally surreal. And kinda awesome.

by Daphne