Browsing Tag

baby blues

motherhood

Interview with the Vampire

16 July, 1630 hrs. Interviewed by Superdad who now looks like a terrorist with both his surgical mask and badass shades on. I feel compelled to give answers in the face of imminent death (by H1N1).

Q:  Its been 3 days since the arrival of Kirsten. Summarize your experience in a single word thus far.

A: Drained.

Q: Uh…alright let’s rephrase the question. Summarize your experience thus far, no word limit.

A: Tiring.

Q: Ahem, moving on. How was the whole labour process? 27 hours, no mean feat there.

A: Its not that fun. I was glad to get the baby out.

Q: Did you feel like it was a spiritual moment or something like that?

A: Not at all. It hurt a lot though. I am mostly just glad the baby is out.

Q: You’re known among close friends to want lots of kids. Has this experience changed any of that?

A: I may adopt.  From Africa or Vietnam. Maybe Vietnam. Yeah, Vietnam would be it.

Q: Why Vietnam?

A: It may be weird for me to have a black child.

Q: Baby Kirsten has jaundice and is back at the hospital. How do you feel about that?

A: I kinda miss her, but I’m glad I’m getting some time to rest. Which is terrible actually. Cos I’m not supposed to be happy that she’s not here. Of course, I’ll be happy if she was here too. I do miss her a lot. I’m not coherent, am I.

Q: You’re expressing milk through a breast pump as we conduct this interview- How’re those boobs coming along?

A: Not so good. I need to multitask. There’s nary a drop of milk. Zilch. None. I had to drink soup which smells of dead fish to get those milk ducts flowing, but there’s nary a drop. Zilch.

Q: How is Truett taking to Kirsten so far?

A: I think he is adjusting. He seems to be quite intrigued, but not particularly fond of her yet. I think he tried to headbutt her the other day. He probably needs a while. My stitches kinda hurt.

Q: Oh, yeah, those stitches..what’s the word..episiotomy? Any problems peeing?

A: Nope, but its hurts when I take a dump. I think I can keep it in for a week though, hopefully by which time it would be healed.

Q: Uh..okay. How are the baby blues? Cried a lot?

A: Well, I didn’t cry as much as the last time. Its hard to explain. A lot of it is irrational but..its very physical. I can feel the depression coming on pretty strong and it happens when i’m (attempting) to breastfeed or expressing milk. Or anytime of the day actually. Its a terrible feeling.

Q: What could possibly make you feel better right now?

A: Sleep. Emotional support. Bubble tea.

Q: Any inspirational last words for to-be-mothers out there?

A: Sleep now while you can. The end is nigh.

motherhood

And so it begins

Motherhood seems deceptively easy

Motherhood seems deceptively easy

Postpartum is a real pain. I’ve been waiting to give birth for months and now that its over, I’m totally floored by it.

It’s been an insane couple of days. I’m still recovering from the trauma of childbirth and struggling with the breastfeeding (my boobs are still broken – 3 days and absolutely no milk) and I’m exhausted beyond description. Plus I can feel an all-too-familiar sensation of the baby blues creeping up on me. It’s deja vu all over again.

The weird thing is, I was actually expecting it in my head. I spent many sleepless nights preparing myself for it, but it’s different actually experiencing it. When it hits, I still feel overwhelmed.

And what are the odds that on the day I get discharged from the hospital, Superdad comes down with a 39.6 degree fever. With the dreaded H1N1 virus going around, he’s now quarantined at home like a leper, so me and the 2 kids are now banished from home. Good thing we’ve got a back up plan, and we’re taking refuge at my mom’s place for a few days until its safe to go back. Unless of course it is a case of H1N1, then we’ll have to send in the professionals to do a clean sweep of the house.

Right now, I’m just waiting for the madness to settle. I hope I’ll find my groove soon.

This is the point I tell myself “2 IS ENOUGH!

not feeling so supermom, pregnancy

I hate my life and everything sucks and I just want to curl up and cry

Shucks, the hormones are going crazy again. I just had a mini meltdown yesterday over absolutely nothing. One moment I was calmly having dinner with the husband and next thing I know, I’m bawling like a baby. The thing is, I’m not even sure what really triggered it off. I think it was probably the accumulated exhaustion, the excruciating pain in my back and the impending delivery. I suddenly felt like I was drowning.

Husband: Are you alright? You seem awfully quiet today.

Me: Yeah I’m fine.

*Extended silence

Husband: Babe, you sure you’re ok?

Me: BWAAAHHHHHH… I thaid I’m phine tho just thop asking ok! BWAAHHHH… AAHHHHHH

Like I said, total meltdown. The mood swings are ruining my life.

To put it into perspective, I’m not accustomed to losing it like this. Or so I think (the husband might beg to differ). But 2 pregnancies back to back has thrown all my hormones into overdrive, and for the first time in my life, I’m behaving like a neurotic, manic and schizophrenic all rolled into one. And I totally can’t help it. My brain knows I’m acting crazy, but it’s not listening to reason.

It was really bad just after I gave birth to Tru. With the c-section and a screaming infant, my post natal depression was off the charts. I remember sobbing uncontrollably for hours everyday during the first 2 weeks postpartum. Out of the blue I’d just sit down and cry (not the half-ass cry but a massive mucus-flying kind of major sob fest). I would try to stop, but I just felt too depressed.

Accursed hormones.

I’m hoping it wouldn’t be so bad with Kirsten. But by the looks of it, I think I’m in for another bout of baby blues. It’s time to brace yourselves.

PS. I don’t really hate my life. Except when it sucks.