Every mother has a secret formula for getting their baby to sleep. It’s developed through trial and error but derived very quickly because a screamy, non-sleepy baby is very good motivation for anyone to get a move on. And once you discover it, nobody messes with the formula.
Some hold the baby at a precise 74-degree angle and bounce to a specific rhythm. Take two steps forward, one to the left, one diagonal and one to the back. Or hold the baby against the chest. Sing that Andrea Bocelli/Elmo duet really slowly. Whisper a poem. Put the baby seat on the dryer. Go for a car ride. It’s all finely-tuned and customized so that it’s just right. When the stars align, you see their eyes roll back into their heads and a triumphant smile slowly makes its way across your lips.
Like I said, nobody messes with the formula. Because all you need is one missed step or a decibel too loud and it all comes crashing down.
With Tru, I had to sing the Wheels of the Bus song on repeat, each time slower than the last. He used to sleep on his tummy so I would pat his bottom along to the beat and count the pats in my head because it was that mind-numbingly boring. One time, I reached 6,214. True story. That’s a number I’ll never forget.
Kirsten was so much easier. Kiss her goodnight, put her down, place the duck in her hands and walk out. It was an awesome formula. It was working great and one day, it just stopped working. The moment I put her down, she would pull herself up against the cot railing and cry. Carrying her didn’t help. Singing didn’t help and even rocking didn’t help. I tried all sorts of crazy stuff to make her sleep and they all weren’t very effective.
Until I had my eureka moment. Wait for it because it is so incredibly bizarre that it’s almost too good.
First, I put on I Gotta Feeling by the Black Eyed Peas. Then I lower her down into the cot, place the duck in her arms, then lean over and hug her, kiss her cheek and breathe into her ear. 5 minutes of this stranglehold to flash mob music and she’s out cold. What did I do to deserve a kid this cool?
