To hover or not to hover

I recently had a conversation with the husband about the hover hand phenomenon. If you haven’t heard about it before, go read about it here. Go on, I’ll wait.

So the big question is of course, is it more appropriate to hover or not to hover? Do you want to run the risk of being caught in a suggestive photograph by not hovering or try to absolve yourself from all responsibility but look like an idiot by pulling a hover hand move?

Ok, first of all, WRONG QUESTION.

Now, I consider myself a fairly progressive specimen of the female species and I don’t really have a problem seeing the husband in a photo with his hands on the shoulder of another girl. Oh wait, while we’re here, I should probably make it clear that the safe zone to be touching a woman who is not your wife is limited to the shoulder. Everything else below the shoulders and you’re in very dangerous territory.

So if hovering (or non-hovering) is not really the problem, what is?

1. Hotness. 

If you refer to the above chart, you’ll realize that the hotness scale works like an exponential curve. Feel free to rest your arm on any woman who looks like Tilda Swinton, or better yet, Margaret Thatcher. But if you so much as lay a pinkie on a Megan Fox equivalent, I’d recommend that you start digging your own grave on the way home.

2. Interest. 

The interest scale is a lot more straightforward. The level of interest you display is directly proportionate to how likely you are to be stabbed. Basically, more interest = more stabbing.

If you ever find yourself in a situation where you absolutely have to take a photo with a hot girl, at least try not to look like you’re enjoying it so much. We can smell your fear. I know it’s tough to look nonchalant when you’re in the vicinity of hotness, so if it helps, pretend like you’re casually standing next to a lamp post. Play it cool and then buy a tub of ice-cream and some flowers on your way home just in case.

What do you say, ladies? Would you want your guy to hover or not hover?