The Flood Survival Kit – don’t leave home without it.

It’s been flooding a lot recently. I didn’t think I’d see entire shops being flooded in Singapore, I mean, you read about this kind of thing in other countries and all my life, I’ve never seen an actual flood.

That got me panicking, obviously, because I’ve got to think of contingencies now that I’ve got 2 kids. If it’s just me, I’d definitely survive a flood (thanks to all those swimming lessons) but there’s no way I’ll make it with 2 babies alone. So I’m coming up with a flood survival kit. That’s crazy, you say, it’s never going to happen in Singapore. Ah, but you never thought you’d see Hermes (I wept a little for all those lovely Birkins) completely submerged either, did you?

Anyway, here’s my flood survival kit. Feel free to use it if you like. You’re welcome.

1. Ziplocs, lots and lots of Ziplocs

They’re watertight and good for keeping spare clothes for when you get to safety so the kids don’t die of hypothermia after struggling to survive the flood. They’re also handy for keeping snacks so they don’t die of hunger after avoiding hypothermia and drowning. Two steps ahead, y’all.

2. Heavy-duty backpack

Those pretty (and also pretty useless) Kate Spade baby bags aren’t ergonomic enough when you’re stuck in a flood. You don’t want to be trying to tuck them in under your armpits while keeping a hold of two flailing babies. What you need is a heavy-duty backpack that straps on tight and distributes the weight evenly. Preferably waterproof, but if you can’t find one, that’s what the Ziplocs are for.

3. Thermal swimsuits

People tend to underestimate how cold the water can get, especially when you’re stuck in it for say, 10 hours before someone finds you and pulls you to safety. Kids lose heat pretty quickly, so you got to make sure they wear something that traps whatever little body heat they’ve got. Better yet, get one of those thermal packs and stuff it into their swimsuits.

4. Arm floats

That’s the first thing to inflate during a flood because it’ll keep them afloat if I lose my grip on one of them. Also, you don’t have to blow until you turn blue. You’ll need to conserve some air for the actual flood. And for shouting for help.

5. Water toys

I know, you think that’s just insane and completely unnecessary. It’s a crisis and you’re thinking of toys. See, that’s the difference between parents and non-parents. If you’ve ever been stuck with 2 babies for more than 5 minutes, their incessant nagging/screaming about how bored they are will drive you to drown yourself out of your own volition. Trust me, you want to pack the toys.

6. Large-ass dinghy

This is a tough call but I decided to put this in. On the one hand, just inflating it during an emergency will kill you. But on the other hand, you won’t have to search frantically for plywood (think Titanic) to help you stay afloat. The best is to get one big enough to fit yourself and both kids but if not, at least just find one to put the kids in while you hang on at the side for dear life. My advice: Inflate it first and have it handy so it’s there when you need it.