Tru came back from school yesterday looking a little troubled. After some probing, he said that his *friend* called him stupid and pushed him.
Before I rained curses on the offending child, I tried asking Tru the context of the incident, like if he was the one who pushed the kid first or snatched his toy but he wouldn’t say.
So far, we haven’t really had to deal with the issue of bullying or dealing with mean kids. Apart from one or two incidents at the playground under my watchful eye, they’ve never had to deal with bullies on their own. I’m also well aware of the fact that kids will be kids and they do all kinds of batshitcrazy stuff all the time, even mine. Much as I teach the kids not to hit or bite or shove, they still do it to each other so I have no illusions that they’re perfect.
However, hearing that my kid got bullied in school and seeing him so troubled got me a little miffed.
Obviously, it was time for the bullying talk. The husband did a piece a while ago on how to deal with bullies but those things could only be done by an adult so now I’m coming up with a kids edition.
1. Tell the teacher.
But we all know how this usually turns out. Without witnessing the actual incident, the teacher can only issue a lame command for the bully to stop. And he will pretend to stop – for five minutes – before resuming his bullying ways.
2. Ignore the kid.
It’s true that these kids thrive on attention so when they see that they’re not getting a response, they generally get bored and stop. However, this only applies to when you’re dealing with verbal abuse because it’s hard to ignore a fist to your lower jaw for extended periods.
3. Run away.
There’s no shame in running away, like when you’re faced with a flesh-eating zombie or a hungry T-rex or a Dudley-sized bully. Except that in a confined space like a school, there’s only so far you can go before the bully catches up and whips your ass till you cry uncle.
4. Tell the kid to stop it.
This is a long shot but one that must be attempted nonetheless. But really, if the bully was someone that listened to reason, he probably wouldn’t be throwing his weight around and shoving kids randomly in the first place.
5. Stand up to the bully.
Well, this depends on how big the bully is. Let’s face it, my child is not Bruce Lee and he does not possess the necessary skills to beat a monster of a child to a pulp.
No, dealing with bullies requires more drastic action.
6. Direct bully to mommy.
When all else fails, there’s always the super secret back up plan, which is to point out the bully to mommy, who will taser him when no one is looking.
You’d think I’m kidding but I’m already shopping for tasers on ebay.
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Pepper spray would work well too.
You go mum!!
Actually, your option 4 is surprisingly effective. Last year, this 7 year old was kicking my 2 year old’s bum at the playground trying to get him to hurry up on the stairs to the slides, and before I could intervene, my boy turns around, looks up at the kid and says firmly, “NO! Don’t kick me. I don’t like it!”. The kid was so taken aback that he literally turned around and *ran away*. Heh.
Yeah I think the surprise factor works, especially with Singaporean kids. They don’t expect the confrontation so it usually makes them stop.
Barry got bullied by a boy who looked like he was 10yo at a water park once. He was only 2 then. The big boy repeatedly splashed water on his face. Mandy went away but Barry just stood in front of the bully, refusing to budge. Everytime he got splashed, he dried himself and turned back to glare at the big boy. No words. And he showed no fear. Just glared straight at him. After 3-4 times of that. The big boy looked really embarrassed and just stopped, acting nonchalant. But I can see why that won’t work so well if he was actually punching him.
Woah your Barry is one cool kid. Nice!
My prince, Shayn, is turning two next week. However ever since he has learnt to talk a lil like “no”, I taught him “stop (it)”.
I will get my brothers to fake bully him, to see how he reacts. Then, I will teach my boy to say “Stop (it)”.
Kind of effective after a few rounds, when my brothers really try to bully him, he said it! Nowadays, he upped it by beating them back! hahaha…
Another round of “no beating people” lessons to follow!
Well at least he knows how to stand up for himself, that’s a start..
Hi Daphne,
That’s a good one. I got # 7 here – confront the bully’s mommy! Haha! Ask her why her son likes to bully others at school, is there something wrong with him etc..? Haha!
I hope Tru is not affected by this incident. Poor boy. *pat on his shoulder*
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Yes I do that too, but from experience, some mothers do get quite defensive when confronted. And there was this one time, when I told the mom, she smacked her kid right there and then really hard and I felt so bad.
:( I’m always worried that our girl will be bullied.. but then my hubby always reminds me that most likely, she will be the “bully”!!!
Go Tru! Yosh よ～し!
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Hahahah she’s a lot like Kirsten. Very little chance of her getting bullied.
I told my daughter, “When someone bullies you, you go up right to his/her face and tell him/her to stop in a very firm tone. If he/she continues, you give him/her a stern warning and if that fella is an idiot and wouldn’t leave you alone after the warnings, I give you the permission to do whatever you want with him/her and I will back you up.” So don’t mess with my angelic-looking kids.
And #8: steel toe inserts + a kick in the bully’s shins, which I learnt from another very good blog recently
http://teachertomsblog.blogspot.com/2009/07/growing-brave-children.html
Did you find out in the end why your son’s friend pushed him? It seems unusual that your son’s classmate would display this sort of behaviour if he hasn’t done so all year.
Nope, didn’t pursue it eventually. We just told tru that if it happens again with the same kid, he should let the teacher know immediately and we’ll have a word with them.
Sophie has been taught to say “don’t do that” when she comes across a bully. Of course when it fails, then it’s time to march to the teacher or mother.
yay!!! please taser the kid and tell us the outcome!
I appreciate your humor in addressing a serious issue like bullying. Your candid take on dealing with bullies offers a refreshing perspective. It’s essential to find ways to empower kids while navigating these challenging situations. Thanks for sharing!
This introduction addresses the challenge of helping children
navigate bullying situations with practical tips that range from seeking adult help to standing up for themselves. It highlights the complexity of bullying and acknowledges that solutions are not always straightforward, especially for young children who may feel overwhelmed. The balance of humor and seriousness gives parents relatable insights into guiding their children through tough social encounters..