side effects of motherhood

Stream of Unconsciousness

I am so high right now.

It’s been over 2 weeks since I last slept, you know, the deep and delicious kind where you drift off into blissful oblivion. I miss that. I’ve forgotten what it feels like to really sleep anymore. In its place, I have pockets of 1-hour naps. Those are cruel, because that’s about the time it takes you to reach dreamzone and just as you tiptoe your way there, you get yanked right out of it back into cold, cold reality.

There’s also the part where they cry all the time. Why? I haven’t figured that out yet. Maybe they’re hungry, maybe they need to fart, maybe they’re tired, maybe their toesies feel cold, maybe they want to be swaddled, maybe they want to be free, maybe they want to play with their siblings but don’t have the motor function to do it, or maybe they just want to cry because it feels good – AND IT ALL SOUNDS THE SAME.

Having a newborn is the ultimate test of your mental strength and sanity, both of which I’m rapidly running out of.

Some nights ago, baby Theo was up from 2.30 in the morning to feed and he ended up fussing for the next 3 hours. He cried when I held him. He cried when I put him down. He cried when I walked around. He cried while being carried in every position I could think of to hold him. By 5.30 when he finally fell asleep, I thought I had hit rock bottom and there was no way I could possibly be any more tired.

But OH YES I CAN.

The next night, he decided to wake up every hour from 11-5 for milk instead. He’d drink a little and then fall asleep and refuse to drink no matter how I tried to wake him. An hour later, he’d repeat the cycle again. I don’t know which version of misery was worse.

For a fleeting moment, I thought of hiring a confinement nanny just to take the baby for a couple of nights while I curled up in bed to hibernate. But I couldn’t do it. My baby needed me to be in the trenches with him while he got used to life in this big, scary world and this is the only chance I have to do it.

I don’t know how long this phase will last. I don’t know how much worse it’s going to get before it gets better. I don’t know how I’m going to keep it together till that day comes.

All I know right now is that every time I look at his chubby little face, I can’t help but love him.

theo kao

Previous Post Next Post

You Might Also Like

31 Comments

  • Reply Jasmine August 12, 2014 at 2:04 pm

    The little 4th addition is too cute! I miss my bubs’ newborn period already!

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:10 pm

      Sighh I know I’ll miss this eventually…just not right now!

  • Reply Adeline August 12, 2014 at 2:44 pm

    I’m about to be due soon and it’s my first, you can possibly imagine all the anxiety. Ahh! I’ve zero idea of what to expect and is definitely scary.

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Congrats!! Haha it’s not all bad – they make up for it with their cuteness. I’d say enjoy the ride but also, hang in there!!

  • Reply Adeline @ Growing with the Tans August 12, 2014 at 2:54 pm

    Repeat after me: This too, shall pass. This too, shall pass.
    Hang in there! Sending you lots of virtual hugs, and positive thoughts.
    Adeline @ Growing with the Tans´s last post ..Camp Discovery @ Gymnademics

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:12 pm

      Thanks babe!!

  • Reply Daphne Maia August 12, 2014 at 2:57 pm

    u haven’t added theo into the side bar of your blog. ahem. calling kelvin kaooooo.

    • Reply kelvin August 12, 2014 at 6:04 pm

      LOL, nice catch. I’m on it!

      • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

        yeah um, tech support!!

  • Reply Jamie August 12, 2014 at 3:12 pm

    *HHUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGSSSSS*

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:13 pm

      Thanks! :) Need lots of those…

  • Reply Sihui August 12, 2014 at 4:10 pm

    OMG! I remember my nights of trying to feed my baby from 2-5am too cos he just refused to be put down and kept crying…and yes, strangely, he fell asleep when the sun came up. It happened a few nights to me and I was going mad then becos of the lack of sleep. In the end, I dumped the cot and put him right next to me, maybe that made him feel better and things got better. I know right???!!!! But jia you! Things will get better soon! :)

    A friend told me that mummies need maternity leave so we are kept at home, if not we would be out there killing people (becos of the lack of sleep)!

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      LOL nice one! Or it would be like a scene from Shaun of the Dead, where all the zombies are shuffling around town. I need to watch that show again!

      And yeah, I’m considering the co-sleeping. Especially once he’s able to latch on while lying down, I’m going to let him help himself to the milk while I sleep

  • Reply Becky August 12, 2014 at 7:28 pm

    HANG IN THERE

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      Thanks Becky!!

  • Reply Rebekah August 12, 2014 at 7:36 pm

    I feel your sleeplessness! Mine went through a crying period. The only way she was comfortable and not crying was when she was wrapped in her mobi wrap. She loved that thing. It gave us some peaceful hours. I even made hubs wear it with her so that I could grab a twinge of sleep. Blessings to you! Theo is adorable!!

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:18 pm

      Tried him in the sling but he’s not a fan. He does sleep in the baby swing so that helps – but strangely only in the daytime though. When he’s fussy at night, it’s back to carrying and walking

  • Reply Andrea August 12, 2014 at 8:37 pm

    Jia you Daph!!!!! You are the best mommy ever!!!!! And yes, it will pass soon it will pass….

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:19 pm

      Thanks Andrea!! Will have to take you on for some babysitting services soon :)

  • Reply Janice August 12, 2014 at 10:41 pm

    babe! u didn’t hire a nanny? wow high max esp with three others in tow. Then again, my nanny caused me the blues n gave me hell. fell ill on the third wk n i had to mambo with two on my own! #soloparenting not fun. But u probably have been telling urself “been there, done that” n have heard a million “it gets better” or “chin up, hang in there”…so i’m not gona say too much except that u are doing a great job keep urself awake n BLOGGING!
    Janice´s last post ..Bun in the oven

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:22 pm

      Decided not to have a nanny for all 4 kids – it’s crazy but I wanted to be there for them myself. Plus I’m breastfeeding so I have to be awake anyway. Hope it gets better quick!!

      And thanks for the encouragement! :)

  • Reply DinA August 12, 2014 at 10:48 pm

    It’s worth it, it’s worth it!! Jia you! I was missing maternity leave,newborn and stuffs but as I read thru this post, my own memories starts *flash flash flash. So Yeap, no more for me.,

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:23 pm

      Hhahahahah I know! The worst part is that after all this is over, I know I’ll miss the whole newborn phase so I’m just gonna try to enjoy it while it lasts heh.

  • Reply cat August 13, 2014 at 9:57 am

    Could it be colic kicking in??? That happened to my 2 boys a few weeks after they are born and it’s really crazy! Hang in there!

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:24 pm

      I really hope it’s not colic! So far no signs of vomiting so I’m keeping my fingers crossed

  • Reply Mummy Jean August 13, 2014 at 2:43 pm

    Wow… Reading this reminds me of my first month with my first born 4 years back… It was so so so bad… I can totally understand. Hang in there Daphne! *BIG HUGS* :) the nightmare will end soon n u can start to enjoy ur baby! (my turn coming December).

    • Reply Elaine August 14, 2014 at 10:42 am

      Jean, so coincidental, I’m having my second one in December and my first will be almost 4 when the second is born too. All the best with your pregnancy and new baby!
      Elaine´s last post ..At times I’m really glad I have a cautious kid

      • Reply Jean September 2, 2014 at 5:39 pm

        well… we are past the halfway mark! :) all the best to u too and let’s enjoy the rest of our preg term!

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:25 pm

      Thanks Jean! And congrats on your new baby!! :)

  • Reply Elaine August 14, 2014 at 10:41 am

    Hang in there! I’m both looking forward and not looking forward to this part of motherhood. Here’s hoping Theo will settle into a manageable routine very soon.
    Elaine´s last post ..At times I’m really glad I have a cautious kid

    • Reply Daphne August 14, 2014 at 2:27 pm

      Thanks babe! And congrats on your coming baby too!! So exciting :) Newborns are so awesome and demanding at the same time. Good thing they make up for all the madness in sheer cuteness.

    Leave a Reply

    CommentLuv badge