I’m convinced that parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world, and I’m not saying this just so I can gain sympathy points for how awesome I am. In fact, I think I’ve got it pretty easy. All things considered, Tru is one of the easiest babies in the world to take care of, so I really don’t have anything to whine about. But I’ve got mad respect for parents who make it despite having life treat them unfairly.
We brought Tru to Ikea for a walk last night to add some finishing touches to the nursery before Kirsten’s arrival. While we were making the rounds checking out baby stuff, I happened to see a little girl who literally made me stop in my tracks and I almost teared standing there in the middle of Ikea. She was about 3 years old, with pigtails and the sweetest smile a girl could have. One hand was holding a stuffed toy and the other was firmly tucked in her daddy’s arm. Then I noticed that that arm ended slightly above the wrist, and she had no fingers on that hand.
It didn’t stop her from smiling and skipping around. If you didn’t pay attention, you probably wouldn’t even notice the arm. Just standing there looking at her, I felt like holding her in my arms and crying. I looked at Tru and it seemed so terribly unfair. Kids don’t deserve to be born handicapped and parents don’t deserve to have their hearts broken every day of their lives at the injustice of it all.
Honestly, I don’t know if I have the capacity to handle it if one of my kids were born with some form of imperfection. It’s the parent’s job to shower them with extra love and care to make up for it, but I’m not sure if I have that much love to give in the first place. I’d probably cry everyday.
I look at parents who’s kid has Down’s or a hole in their heart or paraplegic and they seem to have a special capacity to love more than the average person. With the medical advancements available to us, doctors can detect signs of abnormality within the first trimester and it’s so much easier to opt for the easy way out, to terminate the pregnancy and try again. But some parents choose to take the road less travelled, to have the child and love him despite of how tough it’s going to be.
For some, it’s a lifetime of heartache, sacrifice and worry. Weird stares, whispers, taunts and tough questions become a daily staple. And yet they find it within them to smile and keep on going.
If you’re a mother who has such an experience or know of someone like that, I’d love to hear your story and read about your journey. You can post your comments here with your web address here if you have one or just email me at my Contact Me page.
4 Comments
This is a wonderful post! So heartfelt, I’m really glad you emailed me this morning! I used to look at children with disabilities the same way, I was a little intimidated by them I think. Mostly because I didn’t know how to act, or talk to them. I guess it was just destined that I have one.
Sammy was a normal baby — if you don’t count that he was born with pneumonia. We actually thought he was brilliant. He figured out computers before he was even 2, downloading games and stuff. He also taught himself math on a computer game we got him. He was walking and running at 10 months too. But he just wouldn’t talk! Since he was our first, we really didn’t understand that their might be a problem. That, is until we moved into some apartments and made new friends that showed concern that Sam wasn’t talking. I thought he was just speech delayed. But when I got him evaluated and they started asking me questions about his behavior, did I really realize that something was wrong. No, he couldn’t eat with a fork. Yes, he is 3 and still uses a sippy cup. No, he doesn’t transition from one activity to another without a tantrum. No, he doesn’t understand when to walk and when it’s ok to run.
Anyway, to make a long story short. Sammy was diagnosed with speech/ language impairment. Will he grow out of it? Probably with lots of help. Does it make life easier? Nope. But he is still my Sam, the baby I loved from the first time I felt a kick and he made it real. Did it make him different in my eyes that he had a problem? No. If anything, it made me more patient with him. Would I trade him for a normal kid? Not on your life! There is something special about having such an innocent child in your home. A feeling I wouldn’t change for a 100 normal kids. Sammy spices my life up! Drags me along on life’s adventures with a twist! I wake up everyday with a smile, wondering where he will take me today.
@Cat, Hey Cat, thanks for your honest and heartfelt sharing here. I do think you are the perfect mommy for Sammy, i really do. Once again, thank you for being such an inspiration!
For the rest of you reading this, check out this entry (http://bit.ly/hWEA1) – this was what got me going on this post. I’ll wager it’ll get you pretty worked up, like I was!
This post made me tear, because i really did think about this when it was time for Alvin and I to think about children in our future. We take healthy babies for granted sometimes. I wouldn’t know about myself and my capacity for love if I were to have a ‘lemon’, but as you said, they really do deserve the extra love and care they need.
@sherin, When it came to the Oscar test for Truett (it’s the test whereby you will determine whether the child has Down’s syndrome, and thereafter decide whether to abort), we decided to grit our teeth and skip it – meaning we would keep the baby regardless.
Now, it sounds all nice and virtuous and moral – but in truth, we have been wondering, if Tru had Down’s – would we have regretted not taking the Oscar ? Would we have considered aborting if we took it and the test results came out positive? Because life changes completely, and it becomes a dedication to someone completely reliant on you.
That’s why I am so inspired by mothers who have walked down the road less travelled. And they deserve to be recognized, admired and celebrated.