Baby naming rules

Now that we know for sure it’s going to be a boy, we’re pretty much back to the drawing board in the naming department.

Choosing a name is so fun (all the possibilities!) but also terribly stressful because it’s kind of a big deal, choosing a name that will stick with him for life. I’ve gone through hundreds of boys names and I’m just not feeling the name for this baby yet. And much as I love the sound of Olaf Kao (for real!), the husband has exercised his veto power so I guess boo to that.

Anyhow, in case you’re interested, here are some of my universal rules when it comes to choosing a name:

1. Thou shalt not name thy child after friends/family because…awkward.

Basically, anyone within 1 degree of separation is off limits. I like names like Joseph, James, Jayme, Fred and Ellen but it would be so awkward to name my kid after a friend. Like hey son, meet this uncle with the same name as you do and um, any resemblance is purely coincidental. Think of all the unnecessary questions that will pop up, that’ll be fun.

2. Thou shalt not name thy child after friends’ kids because…dibs. 

The rules are that whoever has a baby first gets to claim dibs on the cool names before everyone else. Which means that as much as I like Jude or Carter or Vera or Oliver, I’m a little late to the game and these names have already been taken by friends’ kids. Also, playdates would be so complicated.

3. Thou shalt not name thy offspring after random stuff because…why would anyone do this?

Why am I even explaining this? Names of products or animals or colours are not suitable options for a child, no matter how much we may like those things. Apple, Unicorn, Blue, Shadow, Breeze, these are items, and naming tiny humans after them would be way too confusing.

4. Thou shalt not name thy child anything too pretentious because…he might get punched in the face.

The caveat here is that there’s a slim chance my baby could pull off a name like Einstein or Voltaire or Black Sabbath but do I really want to take that chance? The answer the no. It’s far more likely that he will be mocked mercilessly by everyone he meets or occasionally take one in the nose.

5. Thou shalt not name thy child something too common because…ok, yawn.

I know 7 Johns, 7 Rachels, 6 Esthers and 8 Seans/Shawns. They’re all great names, which is probably why so many people have them but I’d be bummed if my kid is 1 of 4 Ryans in class.

So that leaves me with the incredibly difficult task of selecting a name that hasn’t already been taken by people I know, that’s cool but not (too) pretentious, unique but not weird, and one that feels just right for this baby I haven’t even met.

Here are the contenders for this baby for now:

i. Theo

ii. Connor

iii. Axil

iv. Declan

v. Everitt

vi. Titus

vii. Avery

viii. Rhys

ix. Hayden

x. Lincoln

Votes are welcome.