kids inc

Kiddy rides

July 2, 2009
Bob the Builder ride? No, you can't!

Bob the Builder ride? No, you can't!

You know what’s the biggest rip off for parents these days? It’s those darn kiddy rides you find in shopping malls. I’ve got to hand it to the folks who came up with the idea, because it is the single most ingenious idea in human history (to slowly siphon off your retirement funds). It’s like a drug that hypnotizes all kids and turns them into raging kiddy-ride maniacs who MUST ABSOLUTELY sit on a useless machine that goes nowhere for 60 seconds.

As far as I’m concerned, the whole idea is retarded. First of all, the rides look mutated and ugly as hell. Just last week, I was at the mall and there’s this ride that’s supposed to resemble Barney the Purple Dinosaur, but it looked more like a T-rex that got caught in a nuclear explosion. The trademark cheery grin was replaced by a grimace that pretty much says “It’s dinner time”.

I mean, if I was creating a useless ride, I’d put a little bit more effort into replicating actual characters. But then that’s the ingenuity. The draw is not in the characters, but the ride, so who cares about resemblance?

And technically, it can’t be called a ride, since it doesn’t go anywhere. It’s more like a stationary piece of plastic that plays gaudy music and moves on the spot for a minute or so. To top it all off, every ride can cost anything from $2 to $5 (for the really big ones). Now, I’m all for splurging on the kids, but I can’t help feeling like I’m suckered every time I have to shell out 20 bucks for a 15 minutes on the kiddy rides. I’d much rather bring him to the theme park or the zoo instead.

I thought I’ve been doing a decent job at keeping Tru away from the kiddy rides, but as every parent will eventually realize, there’s no avoiding them. Every mall I go to, there’s always one at waiting to ambush me. So the other day, we thought since Tru hadn’t been exposed to the wonders of a kiddy ride before, there’s no harm letting him have his first ride. BIG. MISTAKE.

2 rides in, he refused to get off the accursed machine. He was grabbing on to the steering wheel and we had to pry his tiny fingers off the thing and he started throwing a hissy fit. To his credit, the tantrum stopped after 20 seconds, but it was a sneak preview of what is to come.

I’m going to draw up a map of all the shopping malls in Singapore with the kiddy rides all marked with an X, so I know what to avoid the next time I go shopping. That would make my life so much easier.

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kids inc

The Bane of Babysitters

July 1, 2009

For the most part, I love being a stay home mom. I’ve pretty much gotten my groove with Tru and the housework and the blog and the rest of the other 15 jobs I hold down. My day runs like clockwork from the time I get up at 7-ish and by the time I get to bed at a little past midnight, I like to give myself a pat on the back for the awesome job I’ve done.

The only thing is that unlike most mothers who can take the occasional night off and leave the kid(s) with the maid, we’ve got to factor Tru in for all our activities. Occasionally, my mom and my sis will watch him for the night, but that’s a trump card I try to save for the really urgent stuff like movies (hey, it’s the only entertainment I’ve got these days) and all.

Without a maid at home, our other option is to get a babysitter in for the night while we take a break. But getting a good babysitter is like striking the lottery. First of all, there aren’t that many of those around for me to pick from. After trawling the online classifieds, I realized that there are 2 kinds of babysitters available.

1. Really old women (usually retirees past the age of 60)

 

old babysitter

old babysitter

Most of those in this group require you to drop your kid off at their place (I’m guessing its too much of a hassle for them to travel) and the curfew is usually by 10 or 11 at night. No disrespect to older folks, but they usually stuff them with candy and make them watch TV to keep them occupied for the night.

And I’m afraid the intensity of looking after a kid with ADD and a sugar high may cause a mild cardiac arrest for the elderly ones, which would result in a complete nightmare rather than a night off.

2. Really young girls (usually teenagers with NO kid experience)

 

young babysitter

They don’t mind coming over to your place to watch the kid, but they probably got everything they know about babies from movies like Juno and Knocked Up. I could be paranoid here, but chances are, they’ll dump the kid in his cot and blast angsty music over my stereo to drown out the screams for the better part of the night.

The rest of the time, they’ll be on the phone with some dude they’re too young to be seeing anyway. And that’s if I’m lucky. On a bad day, I might end up with one who’ll invite the dude over to hanky panky on the couch.

I could be wrong here, but I’m reluctant to go with babysitters unless I’m really desperate.

Then while talking to a friend one day, she suggested a really cool idea. I could get some of my married-and-may-eventually-have-kids friends to come over to watch Tru under the excuse of giving them some hands-on experience with a real kid. So it’ll be a win-win situation. We get to take a night off with total peace of mind and also do a kind deed. I mean, having actual experience with a kid is underrated. Which also explains why post-natal depression is on the rise, cos new mothers are not prepared for the intensity of taking care of an screaming baby.

So tonight, we’ll be out galavanting till the wee hours of the night while some friends come over to watch Tru. My plan is to tire him out completely in the day so he’ll be sedated (if not passed out from exhaustion) by the time it hits 7pm.

I think it’s going to be so much fun (for me, at least). It’ll be like my swan song before I pop.

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Funny or So I think, i embarrass myself sometimes

To kill a mocking bird

June 30, 2009

big bird.jpg

I know I’m going to incur the wrath of bird lovers out there, but I’m going to say it anyway. I HATE BIRDS, THEY’RE EVIL AND MEAN AND DESERVE TO BE EATEN. I suppose some birds are ok, like chickens, which are juicy and succulent and taste good fried. But most birds are evil. They’ve got sharp beaks and beady eyes (that look like they’re mocking you all the time) and flappy feathers. Worst of all, they steal food and crap all over the place.

I’ve never been particularly fond of birds, but we’ve got this mutual understanding that we’ll keep to our own territories and maintain a truce. They agree not to crap on my head and in return, I won’t poison them with arsenic and rip off their bony legs one by one. But recently, they’ve broken the treaty and now it’s time for war.

Ever since I moved in to my new place, they’ve made it a daily routine to perch their evil asses outside my kitchen window squawking away making a nuisance of themselves. Then they got bolder and started stealing leftover food. And if that wasn’t enough, they’ve been leaving little piles of poop on my stove, table and sink. Now on top of cleaning my kid’s poop, I’ve got to clean bird poop as well.

So this morning, I was cooking Tru’s lunch and this bird flew in right under my nose to try to steal his food. The shock from the sneak attack led to a muscle spasm and I ended up flicking up a whole ladle of boiling porridge right onto my arm. I think subconsciously, I was aiming it at the bird, but somehow it landed on my hand and cooked it, so now it’s all red and swollen.

The bird must have thought it was hilarious, because after that, it was sitting outside my window squawking its head off.

Like I said, I hate birds. They deserve to die. I’ve tried putting stuff at the window to scare them away but they’re way to smart for that. I’ve also set booby traps like poisoned food to kill them, but so far, it’s not working. And it’s driving me insane.

Seriously, if you know of a way to get rid of the birds, do me a favor and let me know. I promise I’ll make it quick and painless and I’ll also try not to relish every moment of it.

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