growing up

Fess up for a get-out-of-jail-free-pass

As the kids grow up, they have an increased awareness about cause and effect. By that I mean that they know the exact scenarios in which they will get into trouble and how to avoid them. They’re obviously not very sophisticated at the art of avoiding trouble but I’m certain this skill will be swiftly acquired in the months to come.

It used to be that when they did something they weren’t supposed to do, like raid my skincare drawer and squeeze out all the contents of my expensive eye cream, I would walk in to catch them red-handed engaging in said act of mischief.

These days, they seem to sense my approaching presence and will try to hide all evidence of their shenanigans.

Like yesterday, I noticed that Tru was taking an awfully long time doing his business in the toilet, so I decided to check it out. Just before I got there, he came running out to greet me, with a look of guilt plastered all over his face. That was like a dead giveaway and I was all “what did you do?”

“I didn’t do anything,” he shook his head unconvincingly.

“Mommy, come here, you need to wear pants for me,” he said while pulling me in the opposite direction of the toilet, still looking extremely guilty. I wasn’t falling for it because HELLO, I’M YOUR MOTHER AND THE MASTER OF MISDIRECTION. I wrote the manual on the art of distraction and I know every trick in the book.

I got to the toilet and lo and behold, the entire roll of toilet paper was stuffed into the toilet bowl and it was so full that it was spilling out in all directions. In the grand scheme of things, this wasn’t a big deal as compared to say, pouring water on my laptop. It was just annoying because it was perfectly good 3-ply super soft toilet paper that could have been used more constructively.

Instead of making him face the wall to ponder the many legitimate uses of toilet paper, I figured this was a good time to teach a far more important lesson. By now, they generally know when they’re doing something bad, else they wouldn’t need to hide it. What we need to teach now is not to cover it up.

We made a deal, that if he did something bad and confessed to it immediately, he wouldn’t get into trouble. On his part, he wasn’t supposed to hide it or lie about it. And on our part, we’re not supposed to naughty corner him. We could go on a 45-minute lecture explanation on why the bad thing they did was so bad, but no punishments.

I’ve come to terms with the fact that they’re kids and I don’t expect them to be perfect. But I’d definitely want them to fess up when they’re in trouble so we can figure out a way to rectify it together.

Kidspeak

Minor differences: Truett and Kirsten

When you have more than one kid, you realize how minor differences can sometimes make all the difference in the world.

#1: Kirsten using tears as leverage – extremely effective

The kids are playing and Tru reaches out to snatch a toy out of his sister’s hands.

Kirsten: That’s mine!

Tru: I take. You let me play a while ok?

Kirsten: No. I need the toy, you give me?

Tru: You must share, mei mei.

Kirsten: I’m going to cry. (proceeds to opens her mouth)

Tru: (clasps one hand over he mouth while shoving the toy back with the other hand) Ok ok, I give it back.

#2: Truett using tears as leverage – not quite so effective

The kids are playing and Kirsten reaches out to snatch a toy out of her brother’s hands.

Tru: You cannot snatch!

Kirsten: It’s mine!

Tru: I was playing first, you give it back.

Kirsten: No.

Tru: I’m going to cry, ok.

Kirsten: Ok, you cry. I take tissue for you.

***

#1: Kirsten playing with toys

Kirsten: Duck duck, you close your eyes and sleep, I cover blankie for you.

#2: Truett playing with toys

Tru: Mommmmm, my train is broken.

Me: How did you manage to break it? It’s made of wood.

Tru: The train had an accident. I threw it on the floor.

***

#1: Kirsten on going to school

Kirsten: I like to go to school – I play toys, sing songs, eat rice and chicken. I feed myself very well!

#2: Truett on going to school

Truett: I got no school today right, mommy?

Me: Today’s Thursday, sweetheart, there is school today.

Truett: I think I’m not feeling well, I need to see the doctor.

kids inc, lists you should paste on your fridge, motherhood

Stuff you can’t do once you pop a baby

I haven’t done lists in a while so today’s list will be on the things you can’t do once you pop a child.

Ok, that’s a bit of an overstatement. You can probably still do them once in a really long while when the stars align and unicorns shimmy to the tunes of “What a Wonderful World” outside your bedroom window.

But we all know these sorts of days are rare, to say the least. And if you’re expecting to do them with the regularity and panache that you used to pre-baby, you’re in for a rude awakening. Let’s jut say that after being a parent for 3 years, I’ve forgotten what it’s like to take a leisurely shower without being yelled at to “COME HERE NOW MOMMY!”

Here’s my list of things I can no longer do after having babies.

1. Eat ice cream without sharing. 

The husband and I have a rule. We share pretty much everything except Starbucks toffee nut latte and ice cream. Yes, we can share dreams and jokes and a bank account, but not ice cream. The kids, unfortunately, have no regard for my ice cream rule. They alternate between looking at it longingly with those bambi eyes and going “please, mommy, please, you need to share”.

And even when I sneak a spoon of ice cream hiding in the dark, they sniff it out and come running.

2. Be anywhere in 7 minutes. 

That’s how long it used to take me to get out of the house. – 7 minutes flat. That includes bathing, changing and basic make up. With kids, it’s a physical impossibility because their dictionary does not contain the 2 words “HURRY UP”. We need a lead time of at least 45 minutes, and even that’s cutting it close.

3. Buy anything without thinking in terms of how much milk, food and shoes it’s worth. 

I see a gorgeous pair of jeans and I immediately think of how many tins of milk that’s going to cost. A pair of G-Star is 5 tins, a pair of F21 is 3 tins and the tights from the market is 1/2 a tin.

4. Rain curses on horrible, horrible drivers. 

I have since watered down my elaborate curses to a very harmless “UNCLE/AH SOH, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?? KNOW HOW TO DRIVE OR NOT??” Now every time I am forced to slam the brakes or swerve to avoid an accident, the kids throw out their hands and recite that line in unison and with much gusto.

5. Do the naughty naughty in the kitchen. Or the sofa. Or basically anywhere at all. 

These kids are like the sex police. One time, we thought we had some alone time for a quick kiss and Kirsten walked right up to us and asked “Mommy what are you doing? You cannot kiss, I want kiss!!” Truett, on the other hand, will just peer at us intently and that’s possibly even more disturbing.

6. Imagine my life without them. 

Ditto.

What’s in your list?

Update: The results the MLM giveaway are out! Congrats to Adeline, you’ve got a lovely new outfit coming your way!