lists you should paste on your fridge, stuff best described as not safe for parents, unqualified parenting tips

Living with toddlers

October 25, 2011

More often than not, having a toddler (or two) running around the house is a basket of awesome.

They walk around wearing 15 articles of clothing (some of which belong to me), put stuff in their nostrils and spend way too much time trying to fit into little boxes. They know when they’re doing something cute and will often draw attention to their cuteness with a “MOMMY LOOK AT ME!” followed by a fit of giggles.

That thing they do where they hold your ears and kiss you all over your face (2 on the cheeks, 2 on the eyes, the forehead, nose and chin)? Totally makes you want to buy them anything they want. “You’d like that $200 doll house that’s basically made of paper cardboard? Of course, pumpkin!”

They dazzle you with their cuteness, smother you with hugs and flash you those innocent peepers to make you feel like having them around is the best thing in the world.

Which it would be if not for some of the things they do that make you want to stab yourself repeatedly with a blunt object.

Stuff like…

1. Pee everywhere. The one thing that toddlers lack is focus and we all know (I’m mostly referring to guys here) how important that is when it comes to the fine art of peeing. It looks easy enough to me – just aim and fire. But apparently it’s harder than it looks because just when about 87% of the pee goes into the toilet bowl, they inevitably start to lose focus and it ends up everywhere else but the bowl.

One time Tru was doing his thing and I wanted to show him something really cool so I was all “Tru, come quick!” He turned and ran out midstream and I watched the pee fly all over my toilet in slow motion as I screamed “NO NOOOOOO TURN BACK YOU’RE STILL PEEING!!!” So he got even more confused and turned around 360 degrees, all the while still peeing. Fun times.

2. Hide everything. That’s actually ok if they remember where they put it. But they don’t. And in an emergency (which is like all the time), they stare at you blankly when you ask “Where’s my car key? Mommy’s late we have to leave now.” Then again, it’s possibly worse when they know and think it’s funny not to tell you so they look at each other and giggle while you panic and threaten to withhold gummies for a month.

3. Stick their sticky fingers on things that should not be stuck. They’re like spiderman, except much less cool and somewhat annoying. I pick up my phone and it’s sticky. I open my macbook and there’s a layer of sticky. I pick out my shoes and yes, they’re sticky.

4. Dunk my stuff in water. I get why they love water so much. Really, I do. It’s WET! It’s SPLASHY! It makes things float. It makes things sink. It’s SUPER FUN! It’s just not as fun for me when I have to fish out my phone from the bottom of the bathtub to watch the screen flicker until it breathes its last and dies in my arms.

5. Talk in that high-pitched nasally voice when they don’t get what they want. There’s the normal voice that normal people have and there the incessant, high-pitched hypersonic version that toddlers have. It’s like a special power that nobody wants.

Toddler: Mommy can I have gummies?

Me: No.

Toddler: Please, just one?

Me: No sweetie, you just had TEN “just ones.”

Toddler: Iwantgummeeesmommyiwantsomanyilikegummeeeeeeeeeeeeeee… 

Me: *stab* *stab* *stab* *stab* *stab*

by
a spot of singapore, picture perfect

Jockeys and ballerinas

October 24, 2011

I remember my first ever pony ride. I was 16 and we were in Perth for a family holiday. Despite never riding a horse before, we were given the reins and told to follow the guy in front around a trail.

I got a horse that did not give a rat’s ass about my orders or the fact that I was holding the reins. She must have sensed that I was a newbie because she would randomly stop to chew on leaves and when I told her to stop eating and move along, she would look at me from the corner of her eye and go “pffffff…”

I did still enjoy every moment of it because there’s something about riding a horse all on your own that makes you feel so badass.

So yesterday, we brought the kids for their first pony ride at the Pasir Ris horse stables.

At $10 for a 3-minute walk around the stable, it’s a little pricey but this being the first time and all, it seemed like a small price to pay for the experience.

Besides, there’s always the chance that one of them might turn out to be a champion jockey (my money’s on Truett, he’s already looking the part). Then we’ll look back at this $10 and consider it well-spent.

Kirsten was a little reluctant to go on at first but when she saw her brother have so much fun, she steeled herself and did it. She’s in an “anything kor kor can do, I can do too” phase.

The whole time, she sat like a statue and gripped the saddle till her fingers turned white. But she did it and when she got down, she beamed and said “I ride the horse very well.”

This has nothing to do with horses but I saw her adjusting her shoe after the ride and I suddenly had an overwhelming urge to send her for ballet classes. I was never the ballet sort when I was younger but there’s something about having a little girl that makes you want to put her in a tutu, sweep up her hair in a ponytail and watch her do a pirouette.

Anyone knows of a good ballet school?

by
seriously somewhat serious, unqualified parenting tips

Halloween – Fun or Frightening?

October 21, 2011

Halloween.

It didn’t use to be this huge back when we were kids. I remember reading books about Halloween and watching movies with kids trick or treating and feeling totally bummed that we didn’t have it here. I mean, dressing up as my favorite character and going door to door to get candy, that’s almost as good as tearing open presents on Christmas morning. Ok, we do have Chinese New Year where we got real money instead of candy but in exchange, we had to all dress up in red like an ang pow and carry oranges around.

In recent years though, Halloween celebrations seem to be catching on. We still don’t do much trick or treating because the aunty next door would probably stare open-mouthed before giving the kids an awkward pat on the head and shooing them out the door. But Halloween parties are a lot more common these days and Singaporeans are putting in the effort to dress up for a themed party – that’s a big deal in my books.

So considering that we’re sort of new to this Halloween thing, it’s understandable that parents are a bit iffy about the whole shebang. Like all of a sudden, there are vampires and skulls and mummies (not the good kind) and fake blood – it’s all a lot to take in.

I’ve been a Christian for as long as I can remember and coming from a Christian perspective, I understand why Halloween celebrations are seen as pagan and evil. I’m not a huge fan of the macabre myself because my tolerance for the dark arts are limited to um, Indiana Jones. I watched Lord of the Rings and when the dark riders appeared, I freaked out. I read Edgar Allan Poe once and I couldn’t sleep for days. I had to finish Mary Shelley’s Frankenstein for a Literature class and I made the husband (then boyfriend) hold my hand as I read. I closed my eyes the whole time during the Haunted Mansion Ride in Disneyland. I don’t do horror shows or search for adventure in haunted houses.

I also am very careful with exposing my kids to scary stuff. They don’t have the maturity to deal with gory images at the moment and we believe that it’s our job to shelter them till they’re mature enough to deal.

But that being said, I’m ok with Halloween.

Just like I’m ok with Chinese Lion Dance performances (traditionally a pagan exercise to ward off evil spirits). And the Mid Autumn Festival (which celebrates Lunar Worship). If you think about it, there are a lot of similarities between them.

They carve pumpkins into Jack-O-Lanterns, we carry lanterns to pay respects to the moon.

They dress up as various characters to ward off evil spirits, we put on a lion head and dance around to ward off evil spirits.

They eat candy, we eat mooncakes.

Same thing.

I’m not saying that I agree with the philosophy behind it but all these traditions are culturally bound and to write it all off as evil seems a bit harsh. The truth is that cultures evolve and some of these symbols no longer hold the same significance as it did a hundred years ago. But yet we still do it because it’s part of our history and it’s something that brings us together. Which is great because we get to eat mooncakes even if we’re not moon worshippers.

A good friend once told me that just because it’s potentially dangerous to eat fish in case we swallow a bone and die, we shouldn’t avoid it altogether. Fish is awesome so just eat the fish and spit out the bones. In other words, there’s no need to condemn something just because we don’t agree with some parts of it.

If my friend is throwing a harmless Halloween-themed party, I’d let my kids attend as long as they’re not going to have vampires jump out of coffins and chase them while they’re eating. It’s a time to get together and dress up and eat candy and have fun so if it’s in the name of Halloween, that’s fine by me. I let the kids watch Lion Dance performances in school and if they come back jumping around pretending to be a lion, that fine by me. The kids eat lots of mooncakes and that’s fine by me.

And come on, we can’t the shelter the kids forever. There’s lot of evil in the world and they’re going to know it sooner or later. I’d much rather that they know of the existence of bad stuff and develop the maturity to deal with it than to pretend it doesn’t exist only for them to find out from a friend’s friend’s neighbor. Our job is to raise them right so that when they’re inevitably exposed to the bad stuff, they’re equipped to know it’s bad and avoid it.

All I’m saying is if you’re not comfortable with Halloween, that’s cool. And if you are, that’s also cool.

On a semi-related note, my sister just sent me these hilarious pics from the scariest Haunted House attraction in the world. (warning on the link – it is a haunted house attraction)

by