Right from the time the kids were born, we were certain co-sleeping wasn’t going to work for us. From a very practical perspective, there just wasn’t enough space and while the idea of sleeping with a baby seems so irresistibly sweet, the actual doing is considerably more uncomfortable.
The sweetness lasts for 3 minutes and after that, they turn into little sleep tyrants. They do windmills on the bed, monopolise every inch of space and before I know it, I’m squeezing myself into a 50cm strip of space on my bed.
Occasionally, their diaper leaks and I find myself waking up in a puddle of pee. That’s not my own. Not that I wake up in my own pee regularly (or at all) but it’s so much worse waking up in someone else’s pee. If I had to wake up in a puddle of pee, I’d choose my own any day. Just like if I ever got stung by a jellyfish, I’d much rather pee on myself than have someone else do it.
So from the beginning, we were diligent in getting them to sleep on their own beds. We did up a gorgeous nursery, bought them supercool toddler beds, gave them cold turkey and taught them to sleep on their own, feeling mighty proud of ourselves.
But…and you know there’s a but because there’s ALWAYS a but. The ‘but’ sometimes comes in the form of a dark stormy night when the kids wake up crying with nightmares. Or a persistent virus that requires through-the-night supervision. Or just a moment of weakness coupled with puppy dog eyes.
And when the ‘but’ happens, everything goes belly up very quickly.
Which explains why the nursery has been unused for several months now. The latest sleeping arrangement involves 2 mattresses laid out in our room every night and you’d think it’s for the kids to sleep but more often than not, we find ourselves on the mattresses while the kids usurp our bed.
We’ve been wanting to restart the sleep training but the though of having to sit in their room for hours through the night terrifies me. On good days, I get to crawl into bed at midnight and an hour in, I have to stumble my way into the nursery because one of them is awake and asking to sleep in our room. So let’s see, option 1 is to sit there with them till they fall asleep or option 2, cave and let them come over so we can all get some decent sleep.
Right now, we’re even contemplating turning the nursery into our secret back up sleeping room but they’re probably going to invade that too.
Seriously, how do you guys do it?
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We practiced co-sleeping too, but soon the girls outgrew the habit. Ever since we moved to our new place, the girls have their own bunk bed. The 8 yr old now sleeps on the upper deck. The 4 yr old falls asleep on her bed but creeps back into ours in the middle of the night. Occassionally, but rarely, both still squeezed into our King-sized bed which would reduce both of us to just 2 side railings that protect them from falling off… My philosophy in parenting…kids outgrow their habits…eventually…. Haha!
Thanks Dawn, nice to know! Mine don’t look like they’re outgrowing it anytime soon but one can hope though!
I don’t mean to be simplistic in my answer, but the solution is just holding firm to your decision about where the children will sleep. Explain to them where their bed is and that they WILL sleep there from now on. You then need to return them back to bed as many times as it takes, until they get it.
Some kids get it quickly, others take ages!! It really comes down to your motivation and determination.
Feel free to offer bribes or rewards as needed.
Good luck.
Sarah
Mum of 3 – 1yo, 4yo, 6yo.
Agreed, sometimes the best solutions are in the simple. I think it terrifies me because I’ve done the returning them to bed and I’m not looking forward to that at all.
Especially not when I’m working on 4-5 hour sleeps and I’m going to have to spend half of that time doing boot camp for the kids. Sighhhh
I used to think co-sleeping was a no-no til I read “The Complete Book of Christian Parenting and Childcare” by William Sears. He says watever gives everyone the best sleep is the best choice, n he’s against cry it out.
For me, my 15 month old boy falls asleep with both of us on our bed (we pretend to sleep n he’ll usually follow suit, it takes around 15-20 min of “fake sleeping” from us to make him sleep). After he’s asleep for one hour or so, we’ll carry him back to his crib in another room, where the maid takes over. But he usually isn’t fussy at nite, only whimpers when his pacifier drop sometimes. When he’s sick, he will sleep with us (me or hubby sleep on mattress on the floor while bb stays on the bed).
Oh yes I’m a fan of the fake sleeping! And then sometimes I actually fall before they do and I wake up to find them still talking and playing.
The three of us share the same bed but that’s just because we’re still living with my parents and there’s no other room. Our new home will be up by next year and that’s when I will have to start to think about something. Right now, I’m still okay with having that third of my bed space.
But hey Daph, don’t worry about it. They’re only little for a short time, and pretty soon they’ll grow out of it and will want their own space. I’m betting that they’ll be out of your room by the time they enter college. So see, it’s not so bad. ;)
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Hahahha perspective, I like.
I totally agree with your friend, Sar.
Remember the book Babywise? Applies to toddlers and preschoolers as well. Think about the long term benefits, the short term pain is definitely worth it. I’m so delighted to have more free time now when the girls sleep on their own.
Rule of thumb: Don’t let the kids manage/rule your life. We parents should be managing the kids.
You should do a boot camp for kids and I’ll send mine over for sure. I’ll be all “kids, you guys don’t sleep you’ll be going to Aunty Pearlyn’s house…”
Hey sure, come over anytime! in exchange for your awesome milo dinosaur ;)
Send your kids over. Uncle JQ will teach them proper sleeping habits. muahahaha!
Hahahaha ok ON! This Sun after the party we’ll leave them over and go happening. Tanks!
Hmm, I haven’t got to that stage yet. How about shifting the mattress to their room? And accompany them til they fall asleep before you return to your room? While you are at that, keep reminding them that they will have to sleep in their room and not yours.
Hope they grow out of this habit SOOOOON!
Yeah will give that a shot. :)
Erm… be sure to compile the answers k? Hahaha… I have this grand(eur) masterplan in my mind. Involving loads of bribes-threats-coercions-pleading. Ahem. Like I said, be sure to send the compiled answers over yeah? ;) Thanks babe. Hahaha!
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Hahaha sure thing! It’s us against the kids, if we find something that works must share.
For me, the longer term benefits mean having a secure child who knows mummy is there when he needs her. Thus I choose to avail myself for night parenting even though i’m really tired from the interrupted sleep… No joke with an active 2yr old in the day to play catching with, and at night, attend to my 6mth old baby. =sleep deprived. For me, practicalilty requires me to co-sleep. Yes, at the expense of my husband and me lying at the edges of the bed, sometimes almost falling off! But it’s all worth it in the long run when baby devp secure attachment. ;)
it’s another story when they grow older… Couldn’t afford to have our noses broken by our boy’s kungfu dreams in bed! We moved him to his room. Of coz he wanted us there… He still complained this morning that “no one with me”… The trick is, to have space that either daddy or mummy can sleep in his room. We catch some real sleep while putting them to sleep. And sneak out when he falls into lalaland… This has worked pretty ok for us so far. Can’t wait for my baby to reach 1yr and I’ll get him to korkor’s room too!
Actually that’s a good idea, to have space to sleep in their room. Right now their toddler beds are too small for me to squeeze into so I have to sit on the couch beside them and being there for hours is insanely torturous.
We’ll probably ditch the toddler beds and buy them full sized beds instead.
Heh, we’ve had our little tyke in our bed for 10 nights now due to illness, etc (and now that she’s also managed to catch HFMD, I bet it will be another 10 nights before she moves out). She often does the “H” formation when she’s in our bed – we are the two vertical bits perched at the edges of the bed, and she’s the horizontal bar. *SIGH*
Oh man hope she feels better soon!
Our first born was trained to sleep in his room since 6 months old, after much training and sleepless nights for me. The younger brother moved in when he was 3 months old. Since then me and husband have the bed all to ourselve. Now, the boys do occasionally crawl into our bed when they are up early in the morning while we’re still sleeping. But they know they need to sleep on their own bed in order for daddy and mommy to have enough space to sleep well. So daddy will drive safely on the road after a good night sleep.
Even when they were not well, I’ll make it a point to stay with them in their room. unless only one is sick, we’ll then move the sick lil one into our room to prevent passing of virus to the other brother. Upon recovery, back he’ll have to go and sleep in their room. The message is clear.
Occasionally when the weather is too hot, we’ll bulk in all together and on the air-con. it seems to be a special treat to the boys and they’re always very happy when we start moving mattresses into our room. ;)
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Nice! I remember moving mattresses to my parents room as a kid too.
HaHa, so many different philosophies and thoughts :)
I do the Babywise way too…almost.
We struck a bargain – that the girls can pull the mattresses over and sleep with us only on Sunday nights…which more than occasionally spills over to Saturday nights, and special occasions like their birthdays, and public holidays, or days when they feel under the weather, or when there is a loud thunder…
Seriously, I was just asking myself that same question myself last night. We just came back fr a 2-week holiday where the 4YO slept with us every night. Now that she is back, she doesn’t want to go back to her room. Persistence paid off after 2 nights and I am glad I did. Husband is glad I did the difficult work and he reap the benefits.
Still, I found the younger one next to me when I woke up this morning.
She must have crept in, squeezed with us – all without waking us up. Which works fine as well.
So cute! I like the list of mattress nights. I think they’re starting to understand the concept of special occasions so we might just try this.
I’ve been thinking about this sleeping issue lately. My boy has been sleeping in his own room after he turned one – and he’s now 20 months old. But I need to stay with him till he falls asleep. Is this considered ‘sleep-trained’? Or does it mean a child who can be left in his room to fall asleep on his own? The last few nights, he took more than half hour before he slept, I found it so tiring and all the while, I kept thinking about the work I have to do after he sleeps! So do I need to ‘sleep train’ my boy?
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Ruth I know exactly what you mean!! Every night when I put them to bed I keep thinking of all the stuff I have to do after they fall asleep and by the time they actually do sleep, it’s usually past 10 and I’m dying of exhaustion.
Then usually when it’s time for me to go to bed, one of them will wake up crying and asking to be in our bed and by then the prospect of having to sit with them for another hour is a nightmare. So then we cave and let them sleep wherever they want just so we can all sleep.
I do that too! When I’m lying there, I make up to-do lists in my head…sometimes I wish I could just forget abt the to-dos and go to sleep!
Sigh…the sleep issue has haunted me for the past 2+ yrs?? And I’ve sunked my teeth into Gina Ford and Elizabeth Pantley (two extremes, I know) and come to this: sometimes we just gotta let go of our sleep ambitions and ideals a little, and just do what’s necessary to get everyone some sleep.
The only “training” I did with my girl is to get her to sleep btw 7-8pm since she was a baby. Now, at 30 months, she sleeps by 8.30pm so it isn’t so bad. And she’s started to sometimes let go of her sweet bedfellows (us!) by saying: “Vera’s a big girl, I can sleep alone.”
So, there’s light at the end of the tunnel! And hopefully, it will come sooner than you think…
My 18-month-old was kicked out of our room after she turned 3 months. Now, she sleeps on in her own room alone. That said, it was not always smooth-sailing – getting her to sleep on her own. There were times when she was sick / teething / nightmares / stormy nights etc that we find ourselves giving in to both her cries and our own sleepiness and let her sleep in bed. But we learned from past experience not to do it over a prolonged continuous stretch (i.e. a week) such that it will be hellish to ease her back to her own room.
What I found useful when sleep-training her is that I usually start any new routine (sleeping alone / in new bed etc) during naptimes. Once she can do it successfully on her own, without fussing during naptimes, then we’ll start doing so for bedtimes as well. Another useful tip i found online is this thing called “last memory”. When the child falls asleep with the last memory of you around, naturally she will fuss if she wakes up in the middle of the night not seeing you. We used to stick around in her room until she falls asleep, and true enough, if she wakes up in the middle of the night, she cries and cries. These days, I hear her waking up in the middle of the night sometimes, whines abit and then eases herself back to sleep. Just got to be firm (like what Gary Ezzo advocates in Babywise), and break off the habit once and for all.
That said, I know it is a different ball game dealing preschoolers AND two of them some more. In any case, all the best to shooing away your sleeping woes.
Thanks!!
This brought a smile to my face :) Thanks for this lovely post. My son’s currently 16 months old and still co-sleeping with us (he sleeps in the middle), so I’m definitely familiar with the 50cm strip of sleeping space and occasionally finding myself in his mattress instead of being on the bed together with him and my hubby, ha! But I agree with some of the other mummies that they’ll outgrow soon enough, so treasure the time that they still want to bunk in with you! Just be a little more forgiving on the limited sleeping space and noises that they make occasionally… Haha.
Agree! Hopefully they outgrow it sooner than later though… :)
They say it’s either u have sleeping or eating problem with young children. I have 2yo n 4yo. They slept by themselves after lights off. Not immediately, they will sing, giggle, argue… So long they don’t get out of bed or too loud, I let them be.. they doze off when they are tired:) but their meal time sucks:(
My nephew slept with parent (at least in same room) till he went pri school… Hmm.. Not so healthy for child psychological growth.. Not sure if he saw some event on bed. He gets very angry when daddy close to mummy, n some awkward behavior even at very young age(feedback fm childcare teacher). When parent forcefully remove him to his own rm at pri 5, he developed some anxiety. Not to scare u, but I think it better not co-sleep for benefit child n parent.
Start young, it gets even tougher when they gets older.
After three kids, I’ve also reached the conclusion that it all sorts itself out in good time. I was a Nazi with No. 1 and she learnt all the right things by the time she was 1. I think that was my best move – it’s a well-trained No. 1 that keeps No. 2 and No. 3 in their room. Sleep training didn’t work with No. 2 but he eventually sorted himself out at before he turned 3 (going to bed on his own without anyone). No. 3 is almost 3 years and still needs me to fall asleep. I’ve also become a pushover (where did the Nazi go???). I love snuggling with him till he sleeps too. But I’m finally putting my foot down and have a spanking new Lightning McQueen bag on the shelf that he’ll earn if he falls asleep ALONE for an entire week. It’s been two weeks now and he still hasn’t done it (he manages for a few nights and then has a fit the next night till I lie down with him). So we soldier on…..
It’ll happen. Soon. Ish.
My kids used to sleep in my room, after we set up a room for them, I still allow them to come to my room every weekend with full day aircon (Fri and Sat) occassionally we will do camping in our living room (Sat). Weekday strictly in their room no bargin(Half day aircon).
I will stay with them in their room before they sleep. Both want me to sleep with them. I choose to sit on a chair and wait for them to dose off.
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