Ever wish you could redo certain days all over again? I try not to go into that mode because I’m all about carpe diem and hakuna matata. Life ain’t perfect, we make mistakes, we learn, move on, I get that. But it doesn’t stop me from wishing I could have a do-over sometimes. Especially now that I’m a mom, I feel like I have less room for error because I don’t just affect me when I mess up.
I was planning to have a happy post today but I’m just feeling a little bummed from last night, so indulge me. Normal programming will resume tomorrow.
Since the last time they were sick, the kids have been waking up several times every night, wanting to migrate to our bed. We thought it was a phase that would pass on its own, but it’s just been getting worse. Mostly, Tru wakes up screaming for milk and mommy’s pillow, which wakes Kirsten up and that’s when the fun begins. Just when I was starting to enjoy my uninterrupted sleep at night.
At first, we caved and let them sleep on our bed because it was the easiest way to make them go back to sleep, but it was a temporary solution which resulted in terrible sleep for us anyway. The past few nights, we decided it was time to retrain them to sleep in their own room. This was a far more difficult process which involved a good hour of resistance before they would fall back asleep. We also decided to cut out the midnight milk feeds because it was more of a comfort snack than a hunger cue. In fact, most of the time, they would drink 2 ounces and refuse the rest.
Every night, we would wait for the dreaded screamfest to begin and like clockwork, they gladly delivered.
Last night, it was more of the same. I was stoned out of my mind and I slowly shuffled my feet into their room, obviously in a less-than-spritely mood. My strategy was simple. Kirsten was the easy one, she usually fell back sleep within 5 minutes of patting and then all I had to do was sit and wait for Tru to toss and turn for the next 45 minutes.
Except that this time, baby girl was the one screaming and refusing to sleep. I tried singing, whispering, humming, patting, carrying, rocking and none of it worked.
30 minutes in, I was like “baby girl, this is very bad. You got to help me here, I need to see you TRY.” She closed her eyes for a minute, grabbed her duck and started whimpering. Ok, some progress, I thought. But this went on for a while, and my back was numb from all that bending over her cot. Finally I picked her up, brought her over to Kel and went out to make her milk.
Good thing daddy had the sense to check her diaper because her poop as all caked up and her ass was bleeding from nappy rash. I mean, there were real specks of blood and it was red as a baboon’s bottom.
daddy knows best
The feeling I had when I came back into the room was possibly the worst I’ve ever felt. It was a total rookie mistake. Always check for poop first, but I didn’t, I got careless. There I was, patting her bleeding bum, and all upset because it wasn’t working. Worst thing was, baby girl really tried, just like I asked. She closed her eyes and tried to sleep even though her ass was on fire. Seriously, if there as blood coming out from my ass, I wouldn’t be as obliging.
After we cleaned her up, I held her and told her momma was real sorry. I think she understood because she grabbed my finger tightly with her tiny hands and fell asleep.
Of all the dumbass things I’ve done in my life, I think this easily makes it to the top. So excuse me, I need to wallow and feel awful for just a little while more.
17 Comments
Daph dun be too hard on yourself. Hugz
@lynne, Thanks Lynne…you know how it is sometimes. At least she’s a lot better now.
Hey Daph, its one of those days, in sleep-deprived moments, you could have done worse :)
Heh, thinking of worse scenarios usually helps make u feel a bit better.
But its normal to guilt, so wallow all u want but do remember, tt ur a rocking mum n always will be!
@ratna, Hi Ratna, thanks for your kind words. Some days are tougher than others and you are right about the sleep deprivation causing my senses to go a little wonky. Not feeling so much like a rocking mum at the moment but I’ll find my mojo again. Again, thank you!
We all make mistakes and learn along the way. Yah, sometimes Daddy’s the best; most of the time, we are. :)
.-= MieVee @ MummysReviews.com´s last blog ..Lamaze Jacque The Peacock =-.
@MieVee @ MummysReviews.com, HAHAHAH I couldn’t have put it any better, really.
Sleep deprivation gets dangerous. I totally understand as my elder daughter wakes up and fuss, waking up her little brother. I figure I have not slept for more than 2 hrs straight for 3 months already and think my brain is half damaged by all this. Hang in there, it can only get better from here!
@Chee, Thanks! I actually got a decent night’s sleep last night, a good 8 hours uninterrupted. Kirsten slept throughout from 8p.m onwards and Truett was back late as he was out with Kel till 9 plus, so I think he was exhausted and for the first time in weeks didn’t wake up in the middle of the night.
So we’re considering putting Tru to bed a little later, perhaps around 9p.m while Kirsten settles in at about 8p.m. Hopefully that should do the trick!
I remember those sleepless nights… it’s awful. I would have done the same, and felt the same afterwards. These days when the kids yell out for me in the middle of the night, I threaten to lock them in the playroom by themselves if they keep at it. Usually works. haha. Don’t worry, she loves you all the same, bleeding ass or not. Take care now.
.-= Jayne´s last blog ..Pray =-.
@Jayne, Ever wondered what happened to our resolutions to be nice stepford moms that will never yell at or threaten our kids? Another side effect of sleep deprivation – severe memory loss and shutdown of basic emotional faculties.
You take care too and hope things get better (as much as they can!) with the maid.
Sigh, i hate those sleepless nights too! Somehow, they come back once in a while and nothing works to put them back to sleep. But yeh, I’ve had those days when I smack myself across the cheeks for neglecting something basic about childcare. I thought I knew everything, but truth is, I absolutely don’t. =)
.-= kless´s last blog ..Mummy In Her Eyes =-.
@kless, Motherhood is a lot of pressure, isn’t it? It feels at times we just gotta get everything right but that’s just not possible. I try to tell myself that but still get mad at myself because they look so helpless and poor thing.
In view of that I propose an extension of Mother’s Day to.. Mother’s Week!
hey Daphne,
your writing makes me smile. You have a very witty way of writing and it makes me smile though I know it isn’t funny at all to have a baby with a bleeding ass.
Have added u to my reading list and will continue reading while the kids are asleep now :)
@Rachel, wow, thank you thank you. Parenting is such a humbling experience so I gladly welcome all the encouragement I can get. Honestly all of you have been so kind and keep me afloat (and sane) in more ways than you know.
Kirsten is so sweet. If u really think about it, a baby’s love to mommy is the most unconditional.
@lxlb, Stella, you nailed it right there.
That smile, that look of complete trust that says “mommy i need you” – priceless.
this post made me tear! i’m a first-time mum of a 7 week old baby boy, and have been struggling with accumulating sleep deprivation compounded by the onset of mastitis a couple of days ago … have felt close to breaking point more times than i’d like to admit, just staring at baby boy while he’s crying and mentally running through alcoholic options (for him, not for me). then i have to remind myself that he might be feeling miserable too and can’t do anything without mummy’s help, so mummy better pull it together. then i feel guilty for not being able to figure out what he needs. so yeah, i sure know how to spell wallow too! but this reminds me that we shouldn’t beat ourselves up and babies are quite hardy and forgiving things.
p.s. i stumbled upon your blog in my final weeks of pregnancy and recently started reading through the posts in chronological order, which i’m really enjoying … reminds me to try and see the humour in any situation!