Déjà vu all over again

We’re 7 days out from our epic NYC – Orlando trip and I’m already dreaming of long walks in Central Park stomping on autumn leaves, doing a burger & shake at the legendary shake shack, introducing the kids to the awesomeness of FAO Schwartz, dance parties with the Disney Junior crew, having enough dole whips till I turn blue in the face and *squeal* TEST TRACK, the greatest ride ever made!!!

The other day, Truett told me “I’m so super excited that we’re going to Disney World” and I was like “Not more excited than me, son. Do you know how excited mommy is?” and he was all “I’M THE MOST EXCITED, YOU KNOW? I’M SO EXCITED I’M GOING TO SCREAAAMMMM!!!”

And he did. Scream, I mean. One moment we’re having a civilised conversation and then he just starts yelling “DISNEYYYYYYYYY!!!”

So he wins, obviously.

As excited as I am about the trip, there’s also the familiar heart-sinking feeling in my stomach because we won’t be brining baby Finn along. It’s déjà vu all over again. The last time we traveled without baby Finn, I didn’t do so well. In fact, the husband had to hold me while I cried myself to sleep at night. I really, really want to bring my baby along so badly and I’ve gone over it a thousand times in my head, figuring out a way to make it work but then I think about the logistics and it seems like a physical impossibility. Throw in the fact that the husband is working and he’ll be out for meetings in NYC so it’s very likely that I’ll be navigating the streets of Manhattan alone with all 3 kids. I don’t think I have enough mommy powers to manage that.

So it’s sort of become like a sad countdown of the number of days I have left with my Finn Finn before I have to leave him for almost 3 weeks. 3 WEEKS??!! I know it’s totally a first world problem to have and I don’t have a right to be bummed about a trip as epic as this but I think about missing my baby and my heart hurts so bad I can’t breathe.

I feel like baby Finn has a piece of my heart and no matter where I go or how much fun I’m having or how full my heart feels, it’ll always be like a piece of me is missing because it is.

My heart says just do it, just bring him along and wing it but my head says be a responsible adult and think things through.

In any case, get ready for an overdose of baby Finn coming your way this week because I intend to spend every moment of the next 7 days enjoying my baby – breathing in his intoxicating babyness, listening to his head-grabbing chuckles and memorising every inch of his chubby baby face.

//How will I survive not seeing this face for 20 days??

//I feel sadder than this sad baby face.