I may or may not be having another kid after all

Relax, I’m not pregnant. Although I am considering adopting a child from a third world country. And I figured I’d skip the whole baby phase altogether and adopt a grown adult. Still counts though.

An email I got several days ago.

From Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

(CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE)
Dear Beloved One

It is a good thing to write you. I have a proposal for you. This however is not mandatory nor will I in any manner compel you to honour against your will.

I am Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie, the only daughter of my late parents Sir and Mrs Augustus Tejan-Sie. My father was a highly reputable business magnet-(a Cocoa Merchant, Diamond and Gold Dealer) who operated in the capital of Ivory Coast during his days. It is sad to say that he passed away mysteriously in France during one of his business trips abroad some months ago.

Before his death some months ago he called the secretary who accompanied him to the hospital and told him that he has the sum of Eleven Million, Eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars.(USD$11.800) deposited in  a SECURITY COMPANY here in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

He further told him that he deposited the Consignment in my name as the next of kin, and he registered the Consignment as Family Valuables as security reasons.
I am a university undergraduate and really don’t know what to do.
Now I want a foreign partner who will assist me to retrieve this consignment from the SECURITY COMPANY here in Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

Your suggestions and ideas will be highly regarded.

Now permit me to ask these few questions: –

1.Can you kindly tell me what type of profitable ventures that this fund will use to invest to avoid waste of it.
2). Can you honestly help me as your daughter?
3). Can I completely trust you?
4). What percentage of the total amount in question will be good for you after you have retrieved this consignment from the company?
Expecting to hear from you.

Thank you so much.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie

I usually trash mails that ask me for kidneys, corneas and the like but I can’t bring myself to say no to a girl who *wants* to be my daughter.

So I wrote back.

Dear Lorenda,

This is Daphne here from Motherinc. Thank you so much for your email and you must know part of what I do everyday is to help small children (I’ll make an exception for you seeing that you have eleven million dollars). I would just like to confirm one small detail –  you put the figure in prose as “Eleven Million, Eight Hundred Thousand United State Dollars” but in brackets later on its (USD$11.800). Which looks like Eleven Dollars and Eighty Cents to me since I am pretty sure that’s a decimal point and even if its a comma you’re short of a fair bit of zeroes. My question is – is that how they do it in Ivory Coast?

Warmest Regards,
Daphne

I wasn’t sure if I’d get a reply but lo and behold.

From Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

(CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE)
Dear Beloved One,

I am very grateful for your understanding in this matter that has been much troubling for me the past many months. I would confirm in matter of fact that the amount is in numerals, $118,000,000,000.

Please let me know as your daughter if I can completely trust you and what percentage of the amount I can be honouring you as the kind advisor of this expenditure of money that could be investment for further expansion.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie

I was never that good at Math in school so anything above thousands look pretty much the same to me.

Dear Lorenda,

This is Daphne here from Motherinc again. Thank you so much for your clarification – we noticed that this time there were three extra zeroes in your figure given to us but I think we get the idea that you have a lot of money, laugh out loud (LOL).

I have many ideas for successful businesses and I will send several proposals by courier because they’re all top secret. Either that or we can arrange a meeting to discuss the details face to face.

However, I would require an initial outlay of only $1180000 and I will ensure a steady profit of 1-2.5% per annum from the eighth year of operation onwards.

Do let us know if it is a workable arrangement.

Warmest Regards,
Daphne

Two days ago, I got another reply.

From Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

(CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE)
Dear Beloved One,

Seeing you in person is a happy proposition Daphne I however is stuck in Abidjan this season of the year as I have legal issues in the plenty to be settled. However if you can fly over by the 20th day of the month after which I will depart to Lyon to continue the investigation amidst which I may be under heavy protection by the government due to the sad and malign situation of my family. You need to get here the soonest as possible as time is of the essence and I no longer know my next steps or even the days that are numbered.

I am also concerned regarding your sum as based on my calculations if you take $118000000 and take away  $11800000 you will leave me with only one 0 which is not a very good arrangement. Never the least we can always discuss this matter please arrange to meet me on the 20th day of the month at Aberdijan Airport at 1800hours Eastern Time.

Thank you for your kindness and see you real soon.

Yours Sincerely,
Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie

This was closely followed up by another mail.

From Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie
Abidjan Cote d’Ivoire.

(CONFIDENTIAL MESSAGE)
Dear Beloved One,

I cannot write long as i am in dire situation. The truth is my uncle is on my chase and I am soonest about to be caught by the devils in his gang of this town. They are planning for a ransom for me but no one will believe that I am indeed in his arms.

Daphne, only you know what is on going here in my life. We are like family with the trust we have exchanged. The ransom amount will be $18,000 US dollars, a small amount comparatively to the value that is on my life from my father’s empire. But he must not know that. You need to bring the money and meet me at the same place and time.

You are my last hope.

Yours Sincerely,

Miss Lorenda Tejan-Sie

I’m not sure how this adoption thing works but it seems like having adults isn’t such a good idea. I think I’ll stick to having babies instead. Less danger involved.