Happy half-year birthday, baby girl

To my little princess,

You’re finally six months old. I couldn’t wait for you to reach this age because let’s face it, having a newborn is tough. You’ll understand when you have your own kids. The excitement of having a new baby wears off after 2 days and after that, you’re all like “I wish I gave this whole childbearing thing a little more thought” and “OMG please make this baby go back where it came from so she would stop crying“.

What, you thought I was going to wax lyrical about how wonderful it is to wake up every 25 minutes in the middle of the night not knowing how to make you fall asleep? Trust me, the novelty loses its charm.

Six months ago, I didn’t think I would survive having 2 kids back to back. My days and nights were one long, never-ending cycle of feeds and screaming and diaper changes and burping and more screaming and 15-minute naps and milk expressing and some more screaming.

Today, I welcome this milestone with open arms and much relief but also some wistfulness.

For most of that six months, I held you and sang to you and told you stories while you sat on my tummy and gazed into my eyes. Some days I wished you would grow up sooner so that I could talk to you about all the fun stuff we’d do next time like shopping in Paris and nibbling profiteroles on the Upper East Side. But I know that when you’re a little bigger, I’m really going to miss all those amazing baby moments I really love.

Like how I love the way your head flopped around and your legs gave way after exactly 2 seconds. I love how you gurgled when I told you stories about princesses and dragons. I love how you reserve your chuckles only for the really hilarious moments so that it’s special. I love the wide-eyed wonder whenever you see something new. I love how you suck on all four fingers instead of your thumb. In a weird way, I really love how much you need me now like I’m your entire world.

Soon enough, your legs will be strong enough to stand without my help and you’ll be off running to see the world. You’ll be big enough to read stories on your own and make your own friends and fall in love with boys (but just choose 1 to marry, ok) and live life without needing momma by your side all the time. I’m going to miss having baby you when that happens.

Thanks for sticking with me even though I killed your bear. And all those times that I had no idea how to make you feel better, thanks for looking at me like I’m the best momma in the world.

You know, the toughest thing about being a mom is knowing what’s best for you and loving you the way you need to be loved as you grow. To let go when I need to and stay close enough so that you know I’ll always be around when you need me. If I ever get too clingy, it’s only because in my eyes, you’re always going to be my baby. Even when you’re 25 and married. But I promise to be cool, or at least try.

Love,

Momma