Dancing into the new year

If I had to describe 2012 in one word, it would be…intense. I imagine that when I look back at 2012 several years later, it’ll be like “remember that epic year, what was that, 2012? Man, that was intense.”

I just read the post I wrote this time last year and if 2011 was the year I found myself, 2012 was the year I lost it again.

Too many things happened this year, epic ones. Good and bad ones. Ones that I’ve written about at length, ones that I’ve mentioned briefly and ones that I couldn’t quite find the right words for.

For starters, I went and had another baby this year. If I had to choose a defining moment in 2012, this would be it. Just like the other two monkeys, baby Finn is the love of my life and if I had to redo the year all over again, I’d have him a thousand times over. But still, having babies (even a third one) is the kind of life-changing experience that throws your world into absolute chaos.

I’ve got people who tell me that “you’ve already got two kids, one more can’t be very different.” Um, it’s like telling a guy who got shot twice that a third bullet to the knee wouldn’t hurt at all. Oh, trust me, you’ll feel the pain and in fact, the cumulative pain from 3 wounds will make the third one extra painful.

I still struggle with the breastfeeding and the depression and the long, sleepless nights that go on and on and on. Plus I have two more kids who still need a lot of love and attention. I guess it’s all the little things like  how my house is one giant petri dish of nasty bacteria so everyone falls sick easier. They also feed off each others’ grouchiness and with another person to add to the mayhem, let’s just say that the stressful moments are intensely stressful.

But then the awesome moments have also been intensely awesome. Many times this year, in spite of all the frustration and stress, I found myself looking at everything I had and felt truly thankful for all of it. Recently, Truett came to me all excited after watching Lilo & Stitch and said “Mom, ohana means family, and family means nobody gets left behind. We must always stick together, right?”

He’s right.This is our crazy little family and I love every bit of it, madness and all.

Tomorrow, it’ll be a brand new year and I’ve decided to dance into it because it’s going to be a good one.