A friendly STD reminder: You don’t want it

This is going to be long, I just got back from KL after 3 days. While everyone else was out doing their Chinese New Year rounds, we drove 4 hours out to KL for a getaway (without the kids yay!)

For 3 days, I had the husband all to myself, feeling all young and in love like we did before the kids came along and our days revolved around baby food and nappy changes. You know what I mean right, when the kids are around, we go into parent survival mode and there’s little time for long walks and long snuggles.

Speaking of our lovely neighboring country, most people don’t know that I spent 21 years of my life as a Malaysian citizen, 6 years actually living there and every single day after that being thankful that I didn’t have to grow up there. It’s nice to go back for a spot of shopping every couple of years but I can’t imagine what my life would be like if my parents didn’t move us all to Singapore when I was 7.

Anyway, this time, we stayed at the Mandarin Oriental (courtesy of a couple of friends), the best hotel in KL according to Tripadvisor. The hotel was gorgeous, the service impeccable and the location nothing less than spectacular. It was literally a 2-minute walk to the KLCC shopping mall.

Now for the best moments hall of fame:

1. Taking a bus to Peel Road for lunch

This was particularly memorable because a. we went back to the same gem of a roadside stall that my daddy used to bring us to all the time when we were growing up and b. the bus ride there was a throwback to the 80s.

2. Swimming in the infinity pool overlooking KLCC at night

We had a brilliant view of the city skyline and got to gaze at the stars in the night sky as we took a leisurely swim.

3. NOT going for a sleazy massage

One of the things I really wanted to do was to go for a massage and we saw a couple of massage places along the streets of Bukit Bintang with aggressive touters. They ambushed us with posters that looked something like this as we walked past.

But mostly what I saw was this.

Not technically on the menu but you could also choose special packages with chlamydia, kaposi’s sarcoma or warts. Thanks but no thanks.

4. Made friends with a Hungarian couple on the train

It was serendipitious that we were all waiting for a shuttle bus back to town from Ikea that never came so we decided to share a cab to the train station and take the train back together. We traded stories and email addresses the whole way back. Now we have friends if we ever decide to go to Budapest.

5. Dinner at Bubba Gump

We last had dinner at Bubba Gump 4 years ago at San Francisco’s Fisherman’s Wharf. I have been dreaming of the shrimpin’ dippin’ broth since then. There was no way we were going to be in KL and pass on that lovely shrimp goodness.

Less than awesome moments hall of fame:

1. Shopping at Chinatown

It was totally hardcore. You could get everything from replica watches to sexy panties at ridiculous prices. Only thing was you had to bargain with the gangster stall owners who looked like they were going to stab you if you bargained too low or worse, bargained and then changed your mind. Seriously, don’t do it.

2. Watching a carjacker in action

We were on the way to Chinatown when we saw this guy use a long metal device to pick the lock in less than 5 seconds. We were too shocked to react and also, we didn’t want to get shot for trying to be a hero. Not in a deserted alleyway.

3. Driving in the wrong direction for an hour.

So we were all packed and ready to drive home and I was all “trust me, I know the way, we just got to follow the signs and we’ll be home in no time.” I drove for an hour in the opposite direction and almost reached the Batu Caves before getting directions from a gas station. Not one of my finer moments.

4. Got stopped by the cops for speeding.

I’m developing a habit of getting pulled over for speeding on holiday. Allegedly, I was going 95km/h on a stretch which was supposedly 80km/h. In my defense, there were no signs to state the change in speed limit and I’m not entirely sure I was in fact over the speed limit.

Scumbag bloodsucking lazy buggers. I should have packed a vial of STDs for them.

5. Getting stuck in a jam for 351 kilometers.

Apparently, the entire population of Malaysia (and Singapore) was heading south on the Malaysian highway yesterday. Driving 351km is ok when you’re going at 110km/h. When you’re doing 20km/h, the experience is exquisitely excruciating. I almost peed in my pants several times.