Minding manners, not business

As a country, we’re not big on manners. We do the Singaporean thing of minding our own business and eyeballing the floor when we happen to be in the presence of strangers. We score a seat in the train and pretend to fall asleep because it’s so much easier than dealing with the awkward situation of “should I offer my seat to that lady with a slightly roundish abdomen”.

“Good morning” and “How’s it going?” aren’t things you hear on a typical morning grind. In fact, all it takes is for your toddler to hold up the elevator for an extra 2 seconds and you hear the impatient “tsks” getting progressively audible.

Then there’re the establishments that seem determined to take the service out of customer service. The husband knows that I’m very particular about exactly what goes into my food. I order a double cheeseburger and it has to be without pickles, mustard and ketchup (yes, I know it technically is NOT a cheeseburger without them). My mee pok has to have chili but no vinegar or ketchup.

On good days, my order gets taken with a slight brow furrow and a curt nod. On other days, I get an irate “if you don’t ask for ketchup, we don’t put ketchup one hor.”

One time the husband was ordering dinner at a tze char stall and he politely asked the lady how long the wait was going to be. She proceeded to lose her marbles, screaming in Mandarin “you want to eat, you wait. If not, forget it.” We did wait, because the food is remarkably good there and besides, what’s dignity compared to the legendary claypot chicken? But imagine, the experience would have been so much better if he didn’t have to get yelled at.

With the kids, we’re determined to inculcate good manners. And not just the perfunctory “please” and “thank you’s” but the genuine enthusiasm that goes into being gracious and polite. The heartfelt compliments when they’re deserved and a kind word to someone who didn’t necessarily deserve it.

We’ve done a manners list. A set of rules for the kids to abide by, where the penalty for non-compliance is to not have McDonalds for a week. So basically, we win either way.

Ok, we also try to lead by example and do all of those things.

1. In the morning, say “morning momma/daddy” and round it up with a hug and a kiss. Don’t grunt and roll your eyes unless they’re rolling back into your head, and even then, it’s your own fault for tormenting me till midnight the night before.

2. When you want something, say please. If you want something really bad, say “pretty please mommy, btw you look so beautiful today, I really like your hair/jeans/smile/eyes.” Also doesn’t hurt to throw in a kiss.

3. If you don’t get what you want when you want it, it’s your prerogative to whine. But that only means you’re never going to get it. Ever.

4. When you get something, say thank you. You can also say “I love you so much, you’re the best mom in the world.”

5. Sometimes you’ll see other aunties/uncles/kids get into the lift with you. Smile and say “hello auntie.” If it’s a kid, you can give a hi-5. If it’s the weird uncle downstairs, stay the hell away from him.

6. When someone does something well, say “you did a great job”. Remember when you guys finished all your food and mommy said “great job, kids, you did well?” Like that.

7. When someone doesn’t do a really good job and there’s room for improvement, say “it’s ok, you can do it next time.” Remember the time you guys didn’t finish your food and mommy said “That wasn’t so good, no gummies. But it’s ok, you can do better at dinner?” Yeah, like that, except without the gummies part.

8. When you leave a house after a visit, say “bye and thank you for having me.” Don’t just grab your stuff and dash off. Or have a meltdown because it’s time to leave.

9. Be respectful to adults. That means not being rude or obnoxious. Obnoxious is when…forget it. Just don’t be rude.

10. Be nice to other kids. Unless they’re repeatedly mean to you then tell mommy and I’ll deal with it.

11. Sometimes when mommy is driving, mommy gets to be not very polite to other drivers when they do very bad driving. Cover your ears. One day, you will understand.

What’s on your manners list? Do tell.