We had our first picnic at the Botanic Gardens over the weekend and it turned out to be way more fun than I expected. We’ve been wanting to spend more time outdoors with the kids but you know me and the sun don’t go very well together so I’ve been finding excuses to head over to McDonalds instead. Well thanks to the camera, I hauled everyone out of bed for our first Sunday picnic beside the Swan Lake together with a bunch of friends so that I could fill this blog with more pictures.
Evidently the kids loved it. Tru spent most of his morning sauntering around, throwing bread into the lake and then grabbing his face and going “Oh gosh, OH GOSH, OH GOSH” when the fish came up to eat it. The husband spent his morning trying to make sure Tru didn’t jump headfirst into the lake to grab the swans.
Meanwhile, baby girl was working the camera for momma like a pro, thrilled with all the attention she was getting.
Halfway through, she got bored and decided to find herself a boyfriend. I knew I’d have to do the talk with her about kissing boys at some point, I just didn’t expect to have to do it this soon. Daddy says we’ll have to buy a large stick to beat off boys when she’s a little older.
I was busy taking photographs and catching up with friends and having breakfast when I noticed that Tru was hiding behind the bench sipping his milo. And not in a “look mom, peekaboo” sort of way. It was a look I’ve never seen on his face before, a big boy look. A flicker of self-consciousness, like he thought if he covered his eyes, nobody would be able to see him. A look like this.
That look right there, it broke my heart.
I’m not sure if he felt like he was invisible, that maybe Kirsten was stealing all his thunder. Or maybe it’s the beginning of self-awareness. The dilemma of craving the attention and yet feeling conscious at the same time. One that gets exacerbated when you have a sibling around the same age. One that I’m all too familiar with.
When I was a kid, I spent a lot of time hiding behind my mom’s ankles. Mostly because I had a brother a year older who clapped and sang and danced on cue, which was unbelievably cute. Me, I was happy not being seen.
So I passed baby girl to daddy and hid behind the bench together with my little boy. I told him if we covered our eyes, we could disappear for a little while and nobody would be able to see us. Momma would be there to hold his hand if he wanted and only when he was ready, we’d come back and play peekaboo with everyone else. Silently, he nodded and covered his eyes some more.
I think my boy grew up over the weekend.
Sometimes I wonder if being a stay home mom makes that much of a difference. We could always use the extra income and it’s not like I’m an expert on early childhood education anyway. But then in moments like these, I’m just glad that I’m there for him. Even if there ain’t much I can do to really help, I like to think that me being there is help enough.
18 Comments
Hey, I really think being a sahm does make a huge difference. We may not be superb educators or fantastic cooks, but I think what matter’s most is that you’re there for the kids. Between expensive toys and having a mum that’s there ready with a kiss or hug, I think they’ll prefer the latter! (At least I tell myself that when it starts to get tough staying home!)
.-= Jus´s last blog ..Monday Made: Starting scrapbooking… =-.
@Jus, I really like what this speaker said at the parenting seminar that Ing attended. Extracted verbatim here.
“If you can afford it, mothers, stay home for your kids.”
“If you can afford it, husbands, let your wife stay home for your kids.”
Well we couldn’t really afford it initially but after some calculating and RE-calculating we figured that if we scaled back on some expenses and readapted our lifestyle we might just make it. Barely but we might. That was almost a year and a half ago, to date we consider it one of the best decisions we’ve ever made as a couple.
Although there are times when the kids get out of hand and i wonder to myself “what in the world was i thinking?”
So yes we need to tell ourselves (and each other) that all the time – it is worth it!
I have many thoughts for this post:-
First, I remember you mention you are not someone who takes a lot of photographs but all the recent posts; you really take a lot of nice picture of your kids! You really got an eye there! I wonder would I take nice picture like you if I own one DSLR.
Second, Kristen is really not camera shy. Love all her expression.
Third, I like the behaviour of your boy and really left me wondering how come kids nowadays behave so differently. You have a mature boy – “The dilemma of craving the attention and yet feeling conscious at the same time.” He will be a good brother in the future with your guidance.
Lastly, I really admire your sacrifice to be a SAHM. I think you are really talent and it a “waste” to be a SAMH. When people found out I was once an accountant, drawing decent salary, they find it such a waste too. But on the other hand, I can fully understand why you make this decision – because we always want being there when they need us most. Even just one hug from us makes a lot of different!
.-= sunflower´s last blog ..Julia Gabriel Mandarin PlayClub Term 2: Lesson 10 =-.
@sunflower, it was kinda crazy but a combination of depressing visits to infantcare centres and a nutty maid that led to the decision.
No regrets though. And being able to give a ready hug to my kids means a world to me, possibly more so than them.
This is something that FTWM will always envy SAHM for, being there 24/7 for the kids.
.-= lazymummy´s last blog ..Julia Gabriel Centre – Term 2, lesson 9 =-.
@lazymummy, Yes, its a real privilege to be a SAHM. A soccer mom and proud of it!
A SAHM really does makes alot of difference, it really does not take a Early Childhood expert to make that difference. I have heard working moms saying, ‘quality time is better than quantity of time spent’. Sorry to have to burst their practical bubbles, but quantity of time spent with your children makes alot of difference. It’s nice to have that extra income that comes with working full Time, and that financial independence that all independent women talk about. However, it will be even more worthwhile if you can be THE one to shepherd your child’s in their early years and help them build their character. We will get to see the result of this ‘sacrifice’ when they enter into their teenage years.
.-= Rachel´s last blog ..Mr. B.L.X. =-.
@Rachel, I have heard working moms saying, ‘quality time is better than quantity of time spent’. Sorry to have to burst their practical bubbles, but quantity of time spent with your children makes alot of difference. <<< I totally agree with you Rachel!
@Rachel, Brilliantly put.
I think sometimes Singaporeans are too caught up with the economically-practical aspect of things. Not everything can be measured in dollars and cents.
my heart went Awwww… when i saw the picture of Tru.
.-= lxlb´s last blog ..久的不去，新的不来。。。 =-.
Hey Daphne, thanks for visiting my blog, I have just been recently directed to your blog via a friend ;) small world the blogosphere is.
I like the discussion that’s going on in here about being SAHM :) cos I am also one that have the privilege to be a SAHM. Life is a lot simpler when we get ourselves out of the corporate world and we will truly appreciate that the kids have made us realize climbing the corporate ladder isn’t the only thing we should do rather, it’s the moulding and nurturing of lives that bring us the most satisfaction and joy.
Kudos to you and enjoy your kids :) you’ll see that it’s the best investment of time and effort you’ve made bec memories that’s accumulated along the kids’ growing years is totally priceless!
.-= mamabliss´s last blog ..My Little Phonics Teacher =-.
@mamabliss, I was having a chat with a friend recently, she’s pretty much a career woman and she said she simply couldn’t imagine being a SAHM even though financially she was well able to.
I suppose being a SAHM is really not for everyone – only for the FEARLESS! haha.
I really love how you caught this rare, sweet moment of Tru in his introspective world! And I just want to say, YES! Being a SAHM really makes A difference to your children (and of cos, to the society too…but let’s just not go that far yet). Because being a SAHM means that you catch all these precious fleeting moments with your children.
I don’t know about you but as a SAHM myself I have times where I really feel like tearing my hair out or my son’s…but at the end of every day, when I get some sanity time alone, I realise I wouldn’t trade any bit of it for anything else. And you know what? Having other SAHM pals to encourage you along the journey really helps to keep us going.
@Sarah, yes, for me its more the journey than anything, although evidently I hope they don’t grow up to become evil dictators and empresses. =)
Support is absolutely crucial. My first few months at home was a tough transition period- from having intelligent adult conversation to, well, almost no conversation at all unless you consider an exchange of “goo goo gaa gaa”s conversation. It was a friend’s constant encouragement over the phone and surprise visits that got me through, really.
@Daphne, you took a relatively shorter time to adjust than i did! good on you! i think it took me more than a year before i could finally lay down my desires to work.
.-= Sarah´s last blog ..Coolly Banana-rific =-.
It’s tough to be SAHM really… but come to think of it we are really lucky to cry only over child rearing frustrations and nothing else.
We (or rather I) need constant posts, comments and encouragement like these to reinforce that “yes, you are on the right track!” Thanks for leaving your encouragement in my blog :)
.-= Tin´s last blog ..Life of a SAHM =-.
@Tin, it’s not easy but there’s nothing else I would rather do right now.
We need all the encouragement we can get, it helps put things in perspective and always nice to know that you’re not alone.
being a SAHM is a privilege, I wish I had the same privilege, FTWM has to say that it’s the quality of time spent and not quantity because we are trying to make ourselves feel better about the situation. I’m sure almost all moms out there would choose their kids over work and all the financials it brings in a flash, I know I would, but some just don’t have a choice, any adjustment or lifestyle change is not enough especially someone whose also supporting her own parents financially aside from her family. :)