Plastered

It’s an unspoken rule – there are certain things we’re not supposed to do as moms.

We don’t let our kids play with knives or stick their fingers in sockets or eat too much junk food. And we most definitely don’t fall asleep on the job because that’s when they will attempt to do all of the above.

That rule changes when you’re pregnant though, because I’m certain there’s a link between pregnancy and narcolepsy. I’m exhausted all the time and not in the I-don’t-mind-a-nap kind of tired. It’s the kind where I fall asleep involuntarily at various points throughout the day.

As a precaution, we’ve toddler-proofed the house and told them explicitly that they’re not allowed to engage in any activity that will get themselves mortally wounded or maimed. So they know to stay away from the carving knives and electricity.

This afternoon, I was watching them fix a puzzle when I must have dozed off for a couple of minutes. If you’ve never watched a 3-year-old fix a puzzle, it’s the ultimate test of your self control. On the one hand, you’re watching them struggle with a piece that obviously doesn’t fit, which makes you want to be all “here, let me help you” and finish the whole thing in 20 seconds. Then on the other hand, you want to let them learn through the struggle so you try to disengage your brain from mentally fixing the entire puzzle in your head.

So the only way to do it is to stone out while they spend 15 minutes figuring out which piece goes where.

Next thing I knew, I woke up to the sound of my own snoring. You know how when you’re in the zone between semi-consciousness and a deep sleep and the sound of your own snoring travels back to your ears to wake you up? Yeah, that totally does happen.

But that’s not the fun part. The fun part was when I woke up to discover that I had been plastered by the kids. As in literally covered in plasters. They got bored with the puzzle so they decided to break into my medical box and peeled open a whole bunch of plasters to paste on my arms, face, thighs and feet.

I thought of telling them off for the plaster incident but I sighed and gave them a hi-5 instead because 1) It was pretty creative and 2) I’m just thankful they didn’t break into my permanent marker drawer. That could have been a lot worse.