Remember the time I got electrocuted and then took a shower in public? (not at the same time, obviously) I don’t even know why these things happen to me, like my subconscious is trying to find new material to talk about.
Note to subconscious: I’m FINE, and blogging is not worth dying for anyway. Just stop it.
So I was out to pick up some presents for a friend while Kel was watching the kids at home. On the way back, I stopped for a takeaway at Carl’s Jr, a truckload of bubble tea and a packet of soya bean milk mixed with grass jelly, the kind that comes in the clear plastic bag with the little red nylon strings.
Feeling all smug for balancing all the items perfectly, I managed to unlock the car door with my thumb and gingerly placed everything inside. Without spilling a drop. I hooked the soya bean on the locking mechanism by the door of the driver’s seat, then arranged all the drinks neatly in all the cup holder compartments.
There were two girls in the car next to me who were observing my highly-developed motor skills with interest. Or they figured I was an accident waiting to happen. Either way, I noticed them peering and I proceeded to do everything with a flourish. I was like “observe the master, because that’s how you do it, ladies“, and with a quick flick of my pinkie, pulled the door shut, ready to drive off. The next minute happened in slow motion complete with operatic music as the accursed pack of soya bean got squashed by the door and a stream of milky white liquid flew over my head and landed EVERYWHERE.
I was drenched in soya bean and there were little black jelly bits in my hair and all over the car. It was a bad time to forget to replenish the tissue so I sat there for two minutes soaking in (ha!) the situation. Never mind that my burger was all soggy, I had to drive home while the soya bean slowly dried off and stuck to my skin like it was mocking me.
And the girls next door, I could hear them laughing. Even with both our car doors closed.
There’s something about scrubbing off dried soya bean and stupid jelly bits from the little crevices in a car that makes you not want to drink soya bean milk ever again.
Update: In a completely unrelated incident, water leaked out of Kirsten’s milk bottle and destroyed my iPhone along with its warranty. Somebody says I need therapy.
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