A tooth for a tooth

I just had all my wisdom teeth removed yesterday, under general anesthesia because I’m terrified of dentists and I’m not going to be awake while they yank out four of my teeth. At first, everyone was like “Are you insane, why are you taking out all four at one go? Just do one side first” but then I would have to go through the toothache and surgery all over again and I don’t really have the luxury of being out of action for another week with the kids and all.

So right now, I’m paying the price for taking out four teeth. Both sides of my face are all puffy, I’m ravenously hungry and I’m eating like an baby, by pushing mashed potatoes straight to the back of my throat. I’m also still heavily medicated but then that’s a good thing because I get to lie in bed all day.

On the bright side, it was actually fun being listening to doctors banter in the OR, like a real episode of Grey’s Anatomy. I thought they would be all serious but they were actually laughing about how the next patient after me was going in to remove 8 teeth (insert toothless joke). And you know how the doctor always tells you to count to ten after they inject you with the anesthesia? I’ve always wanted to see how long I could last like maybe it’s a sign of my tremendous will power and the doctors will be all like “That patient counted right up to 28. Respect”. Guess how long I counted up to: 2 seconds.

Next thing I knew, they were telling me to wake up and breathe and I was trying to fight the drowsiness like “ok I’m awake, I’m fine” but the nurse said I was incoherent, which was mostly thanks to the fact that I couldn’t feel my entire lower jaw or my tongue.

Anyway, I’m back home now, with four wisdom teeth to show for it. You probably don’t want to see it but for those that do, I’m putting it in a discreet apture link so it’s not like I didn’t warn you about the grossness.

I’m putting it under my pillow for the tooth fairy because these babies are so massive it’s worth $10 a pop at least. Or maybe I’ll keep it till the kids lose their first tooth and make up a story about the evil tooth fairy who makes their tooth grow really huge while they sleep so they wake up and freak out when they see my tooth instead of theirs. So many options here.

PS. Tru was horrified to see my teeth and he tried shoving it back into my mouth to make me feel better, which was a sweet gesture but also very painful.