In all likelihood I’m going to be bald in 6 months

Under normal circumstances, this would be hilarious, but now that it’s happening to me, it’s not. Not even a little. At the rate I’m losing hair, I will be completely bald in 3-6 months tops. I think it’s retribution because I used to laugh at bald people. I had a university lecturer who had a particularly shiny pate which looked like it was oiled to perfection (insert bald joke here). I thought it would never happen to me because I have thick, voluminous hair that when left to its own devices, looks something like this.

In order to even have friends, I need to straighten my hair every year. I figured that in the list of calamities that could befall me (like being eaten by wolves or falling into a manhole) being bald is way, way down. Turns out, life has a funny way of making a point. Which is to NEVER LAUGH AT BALD PEOPLE. Right, I get it. Please don’t let me go bald. I promise to never make fun of another bald person again. Out loud at least.

According to google, sudden and excessive hair loss post pregnancy is normal. Thing is, words like sudden and excessive renders things abnormal (especially hair). Apparently, pregnant women hoard hair like a barber’s shop and after the baby comes out, they all start to fall out. Also, the stress of taking care of a baby exacerbates the condition. Plus, obviously I cannot let my hair fall all over my face like a crazy person all day, not when I’m running after two babies, so I pull them back tight at the beginning of each day.

Hormones, stress and scrunchies – the trifecta of baldness. It’s like I’m trying to make all my hair fall out.

I noticed the hair loss a couple of weeks ago. Every time I washed my hair, clumps of hair would fall out. I’m used to seeing several strands of hair fall out when I wash or brush but entire handfuls, that’s just crazy. I now have to vacuum my house everyday because there is hair EVERYWHERE. Even when I’m calmly surfing the net, I’m losing hair by the minute. I get up after an hour and the floor beside me is covered in hair. And I’m not even exaggerating.

Now would probably be a good time to go for a new look. Go a little wild and chop off the locks. Except that me and short hair, we do not have a good relationship. I had short hair all the way till I was 19 and it’s likely to be the reason I had so little friends before that. There’s a direct correlation between the length of my hair and the number of friends I’ve got. True story.

Also, if I come home with short hair one day, I will never hear the end of it from the husband. I will wake up to hair jokes and there will be more hair jokes plastered all over the wall and when I go to bed, that’s right, more hair jokes. I will eventually have to go out and buy a wig.

I need some help here. Google is not really helping because it says there’s no solution except to wait it out for the next 8 months. The hair loss usually stops after a year, but I may not have that long. So what I really want to know is this. Should I even try to treat it or save the trouble and just go get myself a hot, blonde wig?