I’m going to be *famous*

For real, y’all. It’s always to be my dream to make it big, you know. Unfortunately, I possess no useful talent whatsoever, which explains why I’m still languishing in obscurity. But Diana Ross told me that dreams never die and I believe her. One day, I’m going to be famous. And I think fame just came knocking on my iPhone.

I’m going to be featured on a real magazine, with photos and all. Like a real celebrity. I think I’ve just hit the big time. Just to make sure, I’m going to send in a photo with me in a beegini and just jeans. That’ll get me some attention. Who knows, I might even get spotted to be the next Miss Singapore World. I can rock leppard printz like you’ve never seen.

Wait, the point I was trying to make was that I got interviewed again. This time on the topic of Happily Ever After. Right up my alley, because I am an expert on this, seeing that I have sustained multiple stab wounds in the last 17 months alone. I only do it when I’m happy, don’t you know. Incidentally, I wrote a post on the pursuit of happiness sometime back but it just didn’t feel right to post it yet, so perfect timing. And after that, I’ll throw in my responses for the interview. The pertinent ones at least.

*****

It seems to me that when you grow older, it takes more for you to be happy. I know happiness is a choice we make blah blah blah, but really, is it all that elusive? Will I turn into one of those jaded old hags who’s scowling all the time because life has no meaning at 85?

When you’re a kid, life’s pretty great. All I was concerned about was whether I could go down to the park at 5.30 to play with my friends. There were exams to contend with, but I just needed to mug the night before the paper and then go in and ace it. I had little tiffs with my BFF over whether Tom or Brad was hotter but then we’d make up and be best friends again.

Back when the husband was just the boyfriend, we didn’t have a lot but it wasn’t a big deal. I remember being happy. We were happy to hold hands and share a bowl of instant noodles under the night sky outside our dorm rooms and talk the night away. We would walk 30 minutes out to grab supper, see a bimmer zoom past and say that one day, it’ll be us in it. But honestly, I couldn’t have cared then if we never owned a sweet topless ride.

““This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.”“, we used to say. (Yes, we pilfered it from Reality Bites but it was true, except for the smokes part.)

Then you grow up a little more and you want the fairytale wedding. The fairytale honeymoon. The fairytale mansion. And car. And kids. And bank account. You want it all. Along the way, you start feeling less happy because you’re so caught up wishing you had everything and you lose yourself. Or the version of you that was happy with $5 and good conversation.

The practical me says “it’s for the kids“. I can’t just fly by the seat of my pants and hope for the best all the time. Besides, it’s what grown ups do. Work your ass off, earn a shitload of money, then try to spend it all when you’re 65. You tell yourself that there’s more to life than that (only the poor people say that) but folks with tons of money all think it’s pretty awesome to be obscenely rich.

The husband came home early from work last week and we brought the kids down for a walk after dinner. Tru’s new obsession is the swing at the playground. It’s one of those metal swings that can hold 4 people (or 6 if you’re really tiny). He took us by the hand and made us all sit with him on the swing. So that’s what we did for a long time…without even talking.

It was a profoundly epiphanic moment. Sitting there, I realized that I do have everything I want. And I remembered what it felt like to be happy.

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1. What are the key ingredients to having a happily ever after for you?

Lurve. Friendship. Kids. Grandkids. Money. Holidays. White picket fences. Bubble tea. To become really famous and have many servants.

2. How important is having kids to the success of your marriage?

Very important. We love kids so we’d feel like something is missing if we didn’t have any. It’s great to have alone time and all, but at some point you’re going to get bored staring at each other all the time. Kids add a new dimension to the marriage and it’s the ultimate test of how much love you’ve got to give away. I think I’m more in love with Kel after seeing how awesome a father he is. Like I *know* he’s going to take care of me and clean my ass if I ever become retarded.

3. How important do you think sex is to a marriage?

Very important. You NEED the sex to have the kids. Don’t ever believe anyone who tells you otherwise. They’re probably lying. Unless you’re (Mother) Mary, then yes, it’s possible. Also, sex is wonderful. Releases endorphins and gives you reason to take a shower everyday.

4. Do you think that kids and sex are overrated or truly essential to having a happily ever after in a marriage?

If you ask me, they’re underrated. First of all, there’s really no point to getting married if you don’t want the sex. Be BFFs or something. And I don’t mean FWBs. People mix them up these days. Premarital sex is wrong (That’s my slogan for the kids right now). It adds that little bit extra to the marriage. Friendship is great but sex adds the spark, the magic, the fireworks. Usually, when the sex takes a hit, the marriage also takes a hit. Most people overlook the importance of sex AFTER they’re married. Big mistake.

Kids, it’s probably 50-50. I know people who are perfectly happy without kids but we wouldn’t be. The kids really make us happy. It’s tough as hell but there’s nothing like having a mini me to squeeze and cuddle everyday. They’re so tiny and cute and they make you laugh. You can also use them as manual labor once they turn 4.

5. Do you think that your marriage is well on its way to happily ever after? Why or why not?

I see what you’re doing. You’re not going to trick me into jinxing it. Seriously, I don’t know about happily ever after, but we’ve got more happy moments than those please-God-let-me-kill-myself-NOW kind of moments. Isn’t that all we’re looking for sometimes? I’m jaded enough to know that there’s no such thing as happily ever after. So I take the next best thing, which is accumulate happy times and hopefully 30 years down the road, we’ve got enough of those to say that life has been good to us.

6. Do you think it’s realistic to expect a happily ever after in marriages these days? Why or why not?

Again, if you asked me 10 years ago, I’d say yes, give me the dream. Give me the happily ever after. That or nothing at all. But I think age makes you a little wiser. These days, I take happy with a pinch of salt. Because marriage is being happy with each other even when you’re not. Profound, I know.

7. Is marriage and having kids all you expected it to be?

Can’t say I didn’t see this coming. I knew it was tough but really, it’s the extent and intensity of it that knocked me off my feet. I was prepared to grit my teeth through a little bit of pain but it’s been a non-stop, never-ending party since the kids came along. Some days I wish I had more me time and us time before we plunged into having kids. Lesson: The withdrawal method is NOT a real method of contraception.

8. Can you share some tips on how couples can improve the success of their marriages?

I wish there was a secret recipe for success but it’s just a matter of hard work and compromise. You just got to find your groove. Do whatever works for you, you know. But whatever you do, just don’t try S&M. Don’t ask me how I know.