Flash cards are awesome and lizards are ewww

I always said that I wouldn’t turn into that kind of parent. You know, the kind that buys flash cards for their kids and sends them to playschool at 18 months. But against my better instincts, I am turning into that kind of parent. What’s next? Donating a very large sum to a fancy private school so that my kids have a direct entry to their very prestigious institution.

I admit, I used to think that flash cards were lame. My kids will learn by real life observation rather than reciting a bunch of flash cards a million times a day. Then I realized that it’s impossible to expose him to stuff like killer whales and fire-breathing dragons everyday. Heck, some people go through their whole lives without ever seeing a golden-horned unicorn. And the easiest way to teach them stuff is through flash cards. Well, besides TV, I mean. I suppose I could draw stuff on a piece of paper, but all my animals end up looking suspiciously similar and that’s just going to mess with his head.

Anyway, the husband came back with a pack of jigsaw flash cards from Borders the other day and it’s actually pretty handy. It’s got all these awesome lifelike photos of stuff that corresponds to each alphabet.

And then I saw this.

Who puts lizards as the first item under L? Morons, that’s who. There’s tons of perfectly cool items that start with L. Like leprechauns and lightsabers and liposuction. It’s like watching Barney sing the I love you song on youtube and then suddenly it cuts to a scene from Exorcist when you least expect it. Bloody hell.

I’m not overreacting because I have a thing against looking at pictures of lizards and their relatives (think snakes, komodo dragons, crocodiles). I stopped watching National Geographic because there was this documentary on lizards once and it gave me nightmares for weeks. I can’t look at pictures of lizards without thinking that they are going to suddenly spring to life and attack me. Yes, it’s not real, I know, but I NEVER touch pictures of slimy stuff because I can literally feel it in my head and that totally creeps me out.

One time, my little friend Joie put a very-realistic-fake-lizard on my shoulder (instigated by the husband, obviously) and I almost passed out from a panic attack.

So I’ve successfully taught Tru that lizards are evil and should be destroyed. Now every time he sees the lizard, he goes “ewww, gross“. I told you, he’s a genius.